Brother's 30 th B-day

I'm almost sweating from all the turbo-blog-reading I've been doing for the past 4 hours. What would my boss think? Whoa...
I was going to put up a serious post today but I've decided to keep that for Wednesday and keep this more random as I am very anxious and need some pep-talk.

Remember my brother? The one I have issues with? After the last incident I just decided to finally let go. Because of what it has been costing me emotionally to keep up with it all. I am tired of being disappointed every time. Of always working really hard on myself to start from scratch and not have any expectations, negative or positive, to not judge, always looking to the positive, and everytime being treated like some ridicilous space of air...It's been a relief to let go. What I mean by letting go is not that I have given up. I am still going to receive him the day he decides I am worth his thoughts. But I can't waste any more time and emotional energy worrying myself over our relationship and attempting to stay in touch. This weekend, his innocent girlfriend whom I think does not really know all that much about him contacted me on Facebook. At least she does not know of our issues. It's his 30th Birthday tomorrow and she said that them, I and his other half sister should get together, possibly with boyfriend/husband too. I know mine doesn't want to see him, so I am not going to force him to go to yet another excruciating family event involving my brother..My brother always just makes him feel small and talks to him in a patronizing way...
My brother's other half sister (they share the same father) I have not met since I was 9 years old. She's a bit younger than me.
I remember the last time I saw her - was for his birthday years and years ago, and all I remember is I got really jealous. I grew up with my brother in the same house but she's never lived with him. My mother had full custody of him and he rarely saw his father. Anyways she was there for his birthday then and even brought a friend along. When he saw them coming he ran up to them, rubbed their heads and said "MY SWEET SUNSHINES!"..Me he couldn't care less for back then.. I was so jealous! I was only 9 let me remind you that, lol.
A year ago, I found an old colouring book ( is that what it's called? Crayon book?)from my childhood and had a good laugh when I read at the back. I remember I brought it along when I was like 7 years old to some family holiday with my brother. The writings inthe back really is this story in a nutshell

Me, in crooked, curled childish letters, some flipped reverse 'P, I LoVE, LOvE LOVe yOU SoOo MUTCH!'
My brother wrote the following : 'You little piece of SHIT!'

What can I do but laugh? Lol
Anyways, I do not have any issues with this girl at all. I think we have a lot more in common than I do my brother and she seems really nice. But I do not know her. And his step sister is coming too. His girlfriend suggested we go disco bowling on Hard Rock Cafe...

I just feel so obliged to go, just to show myself and show that I care, but I am feeling anxious about it. I will be stuck with a bunch of people I do not know, and someone I know who likes to laugh at me and crack bad jokes on my expense. I think I should give it a shot though, maybe I will make friends with his other sister? I have to try. I have to try. I am saying that not fully believing myself but I really need to try, right?

I know I come out sounding really bitter and all but really that isn't so much the case. If I read this post I'd probably think the person writing it is at fault for being bitter and having low expectations, but I swear I've always started with a fresh white sheet pretending the past is the past, still every time he badmouths me...Anyways..

Other updates....
Everything for going to Naija is getting ready, less than a month now. The only thing that isn't ready is the cash! I will thank God the day we finish that house, for real... They want to kill us over there.. All the time asking for more money to do the littlest thing, thinking we have gold down our pockets not understanding we're spending every penny we got on this stuff, walking nearly pocketless for half a month at a time. All the time come hear new story. "Yes, we had the cement and the tiles, but we had no water so we could not continue the job" therefore a 2 week delay. Of course they can't be bothered calling to let us know this, they just leave the site and wait to hear from us. Needless to say, the budget keeps increasing because of "changes".
I can't wait to go though..get the warm weather, dress up in nice dresses every day and paint my nails in fresh summery colours....yummy. And plantain! Double yummy. And wearing sandals every day!

I have been so busy, but I am about to start updating my story on the other blog.
Also expect my serious post on Wednesday.

Lastly I want to thank everyone for being so sweet to me. I appreciate blogville so much. Every single one of you for taking the time to read and comment, whether my posts are pointlessly random or seriously determined. Appreciate it.