Brother's 30 th B-day

>> Monday, June 15, 2009

I'm almost sweating from all the turbo-blog-reading I've been doing for the past 4 hours. What would my boss think? Whoa...
I was going to put up a serious post today but I've decided to keep that for Wednesday and keep this more random as I am very anxious and need some pep-talk.

Remember my brother? The one I have issues with? After the last incident I just decided to finally let go. Because of what it has been costing me emotionally to keep up with it all. I am tired of being disappointed every time. Of always working really hard on myself to start from scratch and not have any expectations, negative or positive, to not judge, always looking to the positive, and everytime being treated like some ridicilous space of air...It's been a relief to let go. What I mean by letting go is not that I have given up. I am still going to receive him the day he decides I am worth his thoughts. But I can't waste any more time and emotional energy worrying myself over our relationship and attempting to stay in touch. This weekend, his innocent girlfriend whom I think does not really know all that much about him contacted me on Facebook. At least she does not know of our issues. It's his 30th Birthday tomorrow and she said that them, I and his other half sister should get together, possibly with boyfriend/husband too. I know mine doesn't want to see him, so I am not going to force him to go to yet another excruciating family event involving my brother..My brother always just makes him feel small and talks to him in a patronizing way...
My brother's other half sister (they share the same father) I have not met since I was 9 years old. She's a bit younger than me.
I remember the last time I saw her - was for his birthday years and years ago, and all I remember is I got really jealous. I grew up with my brother in the same house but she's never lived with him. My mother had full custody of him and he rarely saw his father. Anyways she was there for his birthday then and even brought a friend along. When he saw them coming he ran up to them, rubbed their heads and said "MY SWEET SUNSHINES!"..Me he couldn't care less for back then.. I was so jealous! I was only 9 let me remind you that, lol.
A year ago, I found an old colouring book ( is that what it's called? Crayon book?)from my childhood and had a good laugh when I read at the back. I remember I brought it along when I was like 7 years old to some family holiday with my brother. The writings inthe back really is this story in a nutshell

Me, in crooked, curled childish letters, some flipped reverse 'P, I LoVE, LOvE LOVe yOU SoOo MUTCH!'
My brother wrote the following : 'You little piece of SHIT!'

What can I do but laugh? Lol
Anyways, I do not have any issues with this girl at all. I think we have a lot more in common than I do my brother and she seems really nice. But I do not know her. And his step sister is coming too. His girlfriend suggested we go disco bowling on Hard Rock Cafe...

I just feel so obliged to go, just to show myself and show that I care, but I am feeling anxious about it. I will be stuck with a bunch of people I do not know, and someone I know who likes to laugh at me and crack bad jokes on my expense. I think I should give it a shot though, maybe I will make friends with his other sister? I have to try. I have to try. I am saying that not fully believing myself but I really need to try, right?

I know I come out sounding really bitter and all but really that isn't so much the case. If I read this post I'd probably think the person writing it is at fault for being bitter and having low expectations, but I swear I've always started with a fresh white sheet pretending the past is the past, still every time he badmouths me...Anyways..

Other updates....
Everything for going to Naija is getting ready, less than a month now. The only thing that isn't ready is the cash! I will thank God the day we finish that house, for real... They want to kill us over there.. All the time asking for more money to do the littlest thing, thinking we have gold down our pockets not understanding we're spending every penny we got on this stuff, walking nearly pocketless for half a month at a time. All the time come hear new story. "Yes, we had the cement and the tiles, but we had no water so we could not continue the job" therefore a 2 week delay. Of course they can't be bothered calling to let us know this, they just leave the site and wait to hear from us. Needless to say, the budget keeps increasing because of "changes".
I can't wait to go though..get the warm weather, dress up in nice dresses every day and paint my nails in fresh summery colours....yummy. And plantain! Double yummy. And wearing sandals every day!

I have been so busy, but I am about to start updating my story on the other blog.
Also expect my serious post on Wednesday.

Lastly I want to thank everyone for being so sweet to me. I appreciate blogville so much. Every single one of you for taking the time to read and comment, whether my posts are pointlessly random or seriously determined. Appreciate it.

post signature

99 comments:

posekyere June 15, 2009 at 2:50 PM  

I am proud of you for being the better person in this relationship.
Your ability to keep a relationship with him inspite of all his shortcomings is a testament to your great humanity.
Keep it up. As you sow love , care and understanding you will reap a harvest of goodness in due time.
Bless you!!

Enkay June 15, 2009 at 3:09 PM  

I wish I could shake that brother of yours and get him to look at you very well (probably for the first time).
You're such a lovely person, why can't he see that?!

*sigh*

I think you should go though but with not too high expectations. If nothing else, enjoy yourself bowling!

Talk about building! Don't get me started girl...seriously though, didn't you guys employ a professional foreman for the job?

I hope this all gets done quickly so you can both have a breath of fresh air!

Naija awaits!

Funms-the rebirth June 15, 2009 at 3:42 PM  

everytime i read something about ur brother, i feel like seeing him and attacking him.....

Pls go and keep an open ming... be nice to the people who are nice, and anyone who wants to give attitude, ignore

As per ur house in Nig, pls monitor it well..... they r sounding readlly dodgy....

UnderCover07 June 15, 2009 at 4:08 PM  

...*sigh* It's funny how hard it is for me to comment on this.My first thot was pls dnt go; u r so nice a person with a lovely spirit that u shdn't be going thru such emotional stress bcos of someone who cnt see hw nice a person u are...BUT then I feel like if u dnt go, u're gonna be feeling guilty for not going.

So I say go. But pls dnt go expecting a miracle. Be cordial and be u, and dnt focus on ur bros attitude...mingle and talk to other guests there. Have fun and bring us gist o!!!

StandTall-The Activist June 15, 2009 at 4:12 PM  

Sweetie, pls think very well about attending your brother’s b’day party. And when and if you decide to go, do not wait if things aren’t going the way you want, just bolt
And go home. It doesn’t do anyone any good to be emotionally drained or trapped in a situation she can avoid. I am just watching out for you. Aside that, have fun and I wish you the very
Best with this house completion that is coming to an end soon.

Tigeress June 15, 2009 at 5:02 PM  

oooh ur bro turns the big 3-0. To be honest- i dont think you should go- especially go alone considering the situation of things btw u and him. But make sure you at least send him a text message.

I'm worried that if u go and he doesnt receive you the way you'd like that it'll trigger all those emotions u've worked so hard to put away.

Have you ever thot of asking your parents why your brother feels this way towards you?

SOLOMONSYDELLE June 15, 2009 at 6:39 PM  

Hmm, just saw Tigeress's comment. The babe always comes from a good place and I have to say I share her sentiment. Please consider her suggestions.

Nevertheless, congrats to your bro! Also, building a house in Nigeria is not easy. Even for those who are there, talk less of building it from afar. But, at the end of the day, you will have what is the Nigerian dream - a house built with your hard work and sweat to leave for your heirs.

Hope all is well with you and yours, my sista.

downtheaisle June 15, 2009 at 6:50 PM  

Going for the party is left to u, and you shd be prepared for the extremes, extreme hostility and extreme welcome. Either way, take the decisions that is best for u. ok?

congrats on the building project and on turbo blog-reading, no be only u oooo.

juiceegal June 15, 2009 at 7:04 PM  

If u ask me....i wld say don't go...why should u put urself thru that much stress and in the end not get even the slightest form of appreciation.I dnt know the full story about ur brother cuz i only recently started reading your blog,but from what i read here today, ur brother does not sound like a nice person.
Like tigeress rightly said,his rejection could trigger bad memories again, you know that u have tried to reach out to him,nobody can say u did not try.All the best.I love ur blog so much, gives me so much inspiration.

pink-satin June 15, 2009 at 8:13 PM  

...just read your other post about your r/ship with your brother!that must be a tough thing to deal with!I can tell you are a good person cos as you talk about your brother i cant sense any malice or hatred!!!God makes everything beautiful in his own time!!!!

jhazmyn June 15, 2009 at 8:33 PM  

You totally do not sound bitter, well to me you dont, rather, kindda amused in some way bout the situation. If you ask me, go to bed and wake up and let your spirit the way you feel about going) decide if you go or not...but i do agree with tigress n ssydelle dat you should send him birthday wishes if you decide not to go

akaBaGucci June 15, 2009 at 8:48 PM  

You certainly have done a lot of reaching out to the brother -- doubt there's a whole lot more you can do except pray and trust he'll come around.... Thumbs up for showing more maturity.. He might learn a thing or two from you!

BSNC June 15, 2009 at 9:54 PM  

I don't think you sounded bitter. I think you should go with somebody, at least you will have someone to talk to.

Please update on the other blog, i am really enjoying the story.

Sting June 16, 2009 at 12:09 AM  

Hmmm... i don't know if i think u should go o! I know u are going anyway. Let us know how it went.

Can u put me in your luggage to naija?

NigerianDramaQueen June 16, 2009 at 9:01 AM  

Your ability to maintain a relationship with your brother says alot about you. It must not be easy...kpele.
Yay for the soon to come 9ja trip! Don't worry, the money will come!LOL
Okay oh, waiting for this "serious" post...lol

Adaeze June 16, 2009 at 3:15 PM  

@posekyere - thank you for all your compliments they warm my heart..thanks for the encouragement too.

@ Enkay - Aww sweetie..thank you. You are too sweet. We did employ one, the one we've used for the past 2 years but he sucks to say the least..we let a cousin take over most of the job now thankfully..Naija awaits indeed!

@ Funms - aww ur to sweet! I decided not to go through as u'll probably read in my newer post..We are monitoring the stuff in nigeria as good as we can. Not much else to do :-(

@ Undercover 07 - I already feel guilty for not going..since I decided to not go. But let it be, u know? Thank u so much for ur concern.

@ Standtall - thank you sweetie. I decided to not go as u'll see...I apprecaite ur advice a lot esp since I know u've been struggling with similar problems.

@ Tigeress - You are right. I did decide to not go. My dad I can't really talk about that kind of stuff with, my mother and I have talked about it plenty. We have our clues...

@ Solomonsydelle - All is well dearie. How about u? I tried to comment on ur toilet paper post (lol) all day long but it did not work. Thank you for your wishes

@ Downtheaisle - I have now. Thank you for your support it really helps!

@ Juiceegal - you are right. Really, i give u inspiration..aww thank u so much that just makes me smile and makes me happy :-)

@ Pink satin - thank you for reminding me of that. Really.

@ Jhazmyn - There u are! how are u? I have sent him birthday wishes yes...

@ akaBaGucci - aww thank you for acknowledging me..it's not easy! I wish he would want to learn, it's just that he doesn't and that seems to be the problem.

@ BSNC - I will update soon I promise :-)

@ Sting - Well I already wrote in my newer post that I decided to not go so I guess that explains it huh? I can bring u if u agree to bring me next time u go too? lol

@ Chayoma - To Naija or the party? lol

@ NDQ - it's not..thank you though..the money will comeyes amen lol...

StandTall-The Activist June 16, 2009 at 8:09 PM  

Then that's the right thing to do. Let no one get your blood to rise unnecesarily

Sir Scribbles II June 19, 2009 at 12:34 PM  

Okay ur bro is vexing me now sef! Can't even understand dis kind of behaviour sef! Naija will always be naija, d plan isto bleed you dry i tell you lol. I reallly hope u work things out or just bust the whole thing cos seriously no one is worth dis amount of emotional torment

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@anonymous - I don't understand? How can we get in touch? email me amani_devika@yahoo.com i tried the URL but it didn't work

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