Birthday, big brother and weekly randomness

>> Monday, May 4, 2009

Hola folks of Blogville.
Took me a full week to get back. Not good.
Anyways, it was my birthday on Friday. Yep, the labour day. Always been awesome to have the day off every year. It was drama free (that's one check on last weeks to-do list). I was blessed with the best weather so far this year and for that I am grateful. It was quite uneventful, no party, no get-together, and no gifts except from my mom who gave me a 1 hour massage in a chinese place named Dragonfly. It was absolutely divine.
When we arrived, we were given silk slippers and silk robes and invited in behind the curtains.
I entered into a temple from ancient China! The floor was made as a bridge of huge rock tiles, on the sides they spread round shaped black stones and on top were lines of candles. In the centre of the "temple" was a huge pot with water running over on the sides into channels running to left and right. The walls had carved out rocks with images of flowers and Buddhas. It was completely quiet with subtle chinese music in the background. It was just great. I've gotten massages before, but this was on a whole other level. They put so much effort in the design and feeling of tranquility that it really made a huge difference.

My brother - not the one in jail - invited me out for lunch with his girlfriend on my birthday, the evening before the day. Me, always been the little sister looking for big brothers attention and recognition, couldn't say no. For those of you who've read my posts regarding my family from last year knows we have a troublesome relationship. He is my half brother, but I don't see him as that. I grew up with him in the same house. We're siblings! Most of the things I've gone through and seen in our home, he has too. We have a million things in common but still just can't get along. Not that we've ever had a fight since I was a tiny weeny lil girl, but he just does not care for me. I can count the times I've seen him for the past 7 years on two hands. I am 8 years younger than him, but my mother has always told me I am way more mature than him. I would agree. I have been through a lot more in my life than he has too. But all I've ever wanted was a big brother in him. He's never made an effort to be in touch, and whenever we do meet, he always talks to me with a condescending tone, making fun of nearly everything about me and my life with a stupid smirk on his face. This has lead to me feeling like a stupid, unworthy and annoying little sister whenever I'm around him. I KNOW I'm not, but he makes me feel that way. When I really needed his help a couple of years ago, when I was very young and he was already settled and I needed a place to stay, he completely rejected me.
See, my father has had a lot of issues - it's better now, but we had major problems and I couldn't stay at home. My glass was full the day he held me down and punched both sides of my jaw and sides of my face. I had had enough. I was hospitalized. I had a nervous break-down and they put me on anti-depressants. I had no place to go, and called my brother. Know what he said?

"I think you should just take your medicines. I don't have room for you. Stay in the hospital"

Yep. And a few years earlier, he had told me how I could come to him if there were any problems. He knew how my dad could be. There was no truth to that talk.
My brother seems to hate anything about me because I am the daughter of my father. Well, scratch "hate". Dislike. But I could have needed him plenty of times. Plenty.
Anyway - I am craving a relationship with him so badly I have been willing to put everything behind me for new beginnings. So - I thought his suggestion to take me to lunch was a great move and decided to trick my brain to forget everything from the past. Pretend he was a pleasant stranger I'd like to get to know. But the lunch was anything but nice. I tried talking about things concerning his life to get him to open up. You know, act interested? He did not ask a single question regarding me, my life or family, only talked about his apartments, trips, plans for new purchases etc. When I opened my mouth, he actually started texting his friends on his cellphone or even interrupted to talk to his girlfriend. I realised he had only invited me out to lunch because of GUILT. I have decided to turn him down next time he calls me. I will tell him: You know what, I would absolutely love to meet you. When you actually want to meet me. Not just to relieve yourself of your guilt. Ah!

Other bad news, my friend and her mother got cold feet AGAIN - so they will be moving back with Mr Sociopath. I got so upset. But all I can do is pray for her and her family.

Good news - we are travelling to Nigeria and I will book tickets today! Very happy about this.

Regarding my birthday, I would have liked to do a birthday post and was actually planning to, but I am feeling a bit short of words today. My resolution for my next birthday however is that I will have a little party. I deserve it. I haven't had one in almost 9 years or something. I want to feel the same birthday excitement I used to when I was little. I want to feel appreciated for one day. It'll be sweet!

I didn't manage to do everything on last weeks plan, but I had a drama-free birthday (inspite of the failed lunch), I filed my tax return, I kept in touch with friends, got the authorities to accept our travelling, slept nearly enough, stayed positive and kept myself somewhat updated on the blogosphere. Not bad!

New plan for the week (props to Blogoratti for this invention)
- Buy tickets for Nigeria
- Stretch every day as my physical therapist recommended
- Gym 2-3 times
- Healthy eating
- Positive thinking, no unnecessary addictive worrying, practice how to stress less
- Blogville
- Meet at least 1 friend
- Start reading a new book
- Apply for student loan
- Working on accepting the problems with my brother
- Try to get enough sleep

I wish everyone a blessed week. I am planning on more blogging this week than last, so come back with your comments, they make me so happy!

27 comments:

Tairebabs May 4, 2009 at 2:47 PM  

you posted on my blog and i was reading this post. hahaha isn't that ironic. ok let me go and finish.

posekyere May 4, 2009 at 2:52 PM  

There you go again you beautiful soul! Berated birthday wishes from me.
I feel for you on the matter of yor brother. When love towards fresh and blood is not reciprocated it makes the heart sick.
Just continue to love him though he is your brother. One of my principle is: it is more blessed to give than to receive.
As for your friend and her mom, pray and stand with them.
Wishing you and your blessings.

Funms-the rebirth May 4, 2009 at 2:55 PM  

Happy birthday darling.....
As per ur brother, im so sorry he disappointed you again. I think u should still love him but keep your distance.

Tairebabs May 4, 2009 at 3:00 PM  

Awww happy belated birthday. So you got a massage...I have never had a professional give me one eventhough I always feel stressed. Sorry about your relationship with your brother. I agree with Posekyree, just continue to love and pray for him.

You are soooo lucky to be visiting 9jar. i can't travel there until december.

P.s. I was first o!!

blogoratti May 4, 2009 at 5:41 PM  

Oh i missed your birthday...at least now i know yours is a day before mine,nice!
I hope you had a fantastic time.
Here's wishing you more of everything in life-joy,wisdom, and happiness...today and always!
Thank you for the wishes!

BSNC May 4, 2009 at 6:48 PM  

You are birthday mate with one of my bro.. happy belated birthday, may God grant you long life and prosperity..

Sorry about your brother, just keeping on praying for him. Maybe one day he will open his eyes and see you as the lovely lil sista you are :)

lucky you.. i think i may go naija , but i'm not sure

have a lovely week..

Omo Oba May 4, 2009 at 8:49 PM  

wow! this was a full post, as in not even about long but this was dense. I'm very happy that u are going to 9j!!!! yay!! it was a lil' sad to read about your brother but man, I say this over and over, u are a strong woman...only God men. Be still and know that He is God (psalm 46:10) One day, your brother will come around. But if it is not meant to be, then it is not meant to be. I believe some people, including family members, are only meant to be in our lives for certain reasons or seasons, while others are for a lifetime. Thank God you have your husband, and mother and other people who love you around (and blogville too wink wink). I feel you on those taxes, whew! at least you have that outta the way now.

Happy happy happy birthday to you! May the Lord bless and prosper the work of your hands. And I lift up your family to Him - that he will make peace and joy reign in your home.
It actually is my birthday today as well! woohoo for MAY babies! we rock like that. might get around to doing a post after studying. ciao.

Nana Yaw Asiedu May 4, 2009 at 9:52 PM  

Dear Adaeze, happy birthday, though I'm late.

If I may pry: it seems to me that you half expected your time out with your half brother to be depressing, and yet you went along. How do you explain that?

Secondly, I truly believe in the saying that there is nobody without any redeeming features. If your brother calls you out sometimes out of guilt, that is his redeeming feature, no? I'd say go with him next year, only insisting that it's just the 2 of you, and calmly tell him how you feel.

Happy Birthday, again!

Gee May 4, 2009 at 11:18 PM  

i want that kind of massage!!

Kafo May 5, 2009 at 12:22 AM  

happy birthday in aries
may people rock

i've never had a massage but this hmmm makes mii reconsider my abstinence

the situation with your brother, wow i have no words


have a blessed week
so how old are u?

justdoyin May 5, 2009 at 11:09 AM  

a belated happy birthday to u...

sorry to hear about the (sour) relationship between you and ur bro...as the people b4 me have said; keep loving him, and pray for a healing in your relationship...

I'm glad u r going on holiday; u need the break I guess...

Continue to pray for your friend and her mum, I guess that's what they need most now...

Cheers...

sting May 5, 2009 at 4:25 PM  

Happy belated birthday.I missed it. I thot i had added u to my blogroll, but apparently i haven't.

The situation with ur brother makes me sad. I can just imagine. I saw ur comment on GNG's. I didn't know u were married.

Beulah! May 5, 2009 at 4:52 PM  

First time here!, nice blog. Happy belated birthday from me to you!

isha May 5, 2009 at 5:05 PM  

We've been gisting on Fatbusters and I realized I haven't actually 'visited' you before.

Happy belated birthday! I pray that you enjoy many more years that would bring you peace, and immeasurable blessings from God.

I also pray that things get better with you and your brother and your family. You don't have to accept the ways things are with your brother; there can be change.

All the best!

Writefreak May 5, 2009 at 6:25 PM  

Happy belated birthday hon! WIshing you a great year ahead!

Am so sorry about your brother and i think you've made the right decision about him. If he constantly makes you feel bad about yourself, then you need to give him some space. Do pray about it though.

Much love!

Enkay May 6, 2009 at 10:07 AM  

You know, I started typing that mail to you 2 days ago but I stopped halfway! I'd wanted to ask you what date was your birthday and now I missed it.

Happy Birthday girl! It's belated but it's from my heart still.

Your relationship with your brother made me feel sad. I can't imagine what it feels like not relating well with a sibling. Maybe because I'm one of the first children so I don't know what it feels like to 'look up to' an older one.

I believe I relate well with my younger siblings. Even though I'm 13 years older than the last one, your post is making me wonder if I don't just treat them as 'kids' that I think they are. I think not. But I'll ask them some day soon.

Your friend and her mother got cold feet? Why on earth would they move back in with him? Is he threatening to kill them or something? Maybe your friends mother is afraid of being alone and not being able to fend for herself? I'm really trying to make sense of the situation but then again I don't know that much to say that much.

I'm filling up your space real fast huh? Forgive me! I'll send that mail today!

Rose May 6, 2009 at 11:13 AM  

Happy Birthday Love....Though i'm late...Sorry!
Have fun on your holiday!

jhazmyn May 6, 2009 at 11:36 AM  

Aww, i'm like so late, but better late than never right?....Happy buffday girl, and i'm glad ur day was peaceful and restful, bless ur mum.

Guess ur excited bout the naija trip...i'm so happy for u...

rayo May 6, 2009 at 11:46 PM  

happy belated bday dear. u sound lyk a very strong person.

UnderCover07 May 7, 2009 at 12:15 AM  

Sorry this is coming late..but Happy Belated, and yes!, u shd do something next year cos u're totally worth it!

Like everybody else has said, just continue to love and pray for your brother...and maybe just give him space, cos it hurts everytime you try to reach out and get turned down. All the best dearie..and enjoy the rest of your week.

StandTall-The Activist May 7, 2009 at 6:44 PM  

Happy belated birthday girl. Many happy returns.
Will you see me while in Nigeria? Email me at tadonline@gmail.com. We shd see.

I am no longer good on family issues. My half brothers had made me believe I have no family. We mother is dead and father is dead. So I am on my own and refuse to allow any nonsense from any of them. It doesnt worth it. Respect in the family shd be mutual...

aloted May 8, 2009 at 1:50 PM  

happy birthday girl!!!

wait o, your hubby didnt give you a birthday present?

wow...sorry to hear about you and your brother..guess u r stronger cuz of all of it. please can you post the link to the post on your family? didnt know u had a brother in jail. it is well

happy birthday once again

Adaeze May 11, 2009 at 10:14 AM  

@ Tairebabs - You should really get one, I recommend it! It's so stress relieving..Thanks for ur wishes
@ Posekyere - Thank you! And thank you for your wisdom words..they made me feel better

@ Funms - Wow, you are still around. I always worry that I will not see you around anymore :( THank you :)

@ Blogoratti - Thank you so much in return. Funny we are just 1 day apart. Same star sign. Not that I'm too much into astrology, lol.

@ BSNC - Thank you girl..that means a lot to me

@ Omo Oba - Hurray for May babies! Happy Bday! Sorry I can't even remember if I posted on your blog or not, I just remember you reading that you didn't have time. My head is chaotic. Thank you so much for your beautiful comment it really means a lot and what you said helps me make sense of it all.

@Nana Yaw - Always so philosophical - i love it.. I thank you for asking me that question allthough I'm not sure what exactly you mean..I did expect it, but as I said in the post I decided to wipe any expectations out of my head and come there with a clean sheet. I went to it all another go. Your suggestion is a good one, but what does one do when the person is the kind of person who does not like to listen and just turns it all over on you and makes everything very uncomfortable?

@ Gee - Get it!

@ Kafo - You should just go and get it really, its worth the money..I am 22 :-)

@ Justdoyin - Thank u so much thats really sweet of u.

@ Sting - Thank you girl. I am happy to have you coming around! Love ur blog(S)

@ Beulah - Thank you! Hope you return ;-)

@ Isha - I hadn't visited you either, but have now added you to my blogroll :) Thank you for your wishes I appreciate them.

@ Writefreak - Thank you, I sooo apprecaite that coming from you. I will follow your advice.

@ Enkay - It is the thought that counts right? That is so sweet of you, wanting to ask your siblings if you treat them as "kids" - the fact you even think that way makes me think you most likely don't. Besides - the fact you can even takl to them like that is a great sign. Ahh, when it comes to my friend, only god knows...I think her mother is very weak at heart, using all kinds of excuses to not do what needs to be done. Looking forward to your next mail ;-9

@ Rose - Thank you!

@ Jhazmyn -Thank you. I am very excited indeed! Can't wait! I am already worried about when i will get to travel again after this one, haha

@ Rayo - Thank you. Nice to see you around! Hope u return...

@ Undercover07 - Thank you, I WILL do something next year then, hehe. Thank you for your advice.

@ Standtall - I would love to see you. I will email you ASAP - i would have since you wrote me this comment but things have been mad busy! Your stories strengthen my soul, so thanks for sharing and letting me know Im not alone..

@ Aloted - Unfortunately he didnt, cept a card, whcih is good enough for me. He wanted to, but we have a mutual agreement, we're not spending ANY money cuz we are trying to finish our house in Naija... here is the link to my family post http://twotears-inabucket.blogspot.com/2008/11/family-drama.html

thanks for stopping by!

Guro May 12, 2009 at 9:43 PM  

Happy birthday! The only thing I can say about your brother is that you have too tell (or write a letter to)him what you feel. The worst thing that can happen is that he is going to cut his relationship with you. But do you have a relationship with him at all?
And yes, you DO deserve a party" :)

Cidersweet May 13, 2009 at 10:01 PM  

Hi! I read this post days ago but couldnt comment, and I just wanted to wish you a (late) happy birthday. May 1st is a very good day. God will continue to supply all your needs. He had made you strong, good… and a blessing to my life :- ) Tu es tres bon, Adaeze (my French is not glamorous but I think you get the point (lol))

Cheers!

Adaeze June 16, 2009 at 3:40 PM  

I haven't received any commnt from u on this post Solomonsydelle? Are u referring to my more newer post regarding my brohter and HIS birthday?

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