tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14237797072301563112024-03-16T16:41:47.106+01:00Two tears in a bucketAdaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.comBlogger74125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-25187361581938707402011-05-18T18:17:00.005+02:002011-05-19T12:16:54.073+02:00Sissy-macho men?I just finished work, its soon 6:30 pm and I really need to get my studying on. Especially since I did not study yesterday OR the day before. It's a scandal, I only have a week left for my exam. Anyhoodle, needless to say this is the place I <em>don't </em>need to be right now. Still, I have won over the negative voice in my head - I shall post today anyway.<br /><br /><em>Disclaimer: I've written this post as if no men read my blog, if there's any men out there getting offended do forgive me for my blunt judgment today lol</em><br /><br />Throughout my life, I've been pondering on the differences between men and women. Like I've said before, I am a feminist, and I demand my equal rights...I always feel acutely aware of how people make certain judgments when you say you're a feminist. I don't care though, but Juiceegal put it quite well together <a href="http://juiceegal.blogspot.com/2011/04/feminism-from-nigerian-perspective.html">here</a> how I also define myself as a feminist..Anyway thats not my point today, my point is that even though I believe women and men are more similar than different, <span style="font-size:180%;">we sure are different.</span> Again, I don't like to judge everyone as one, but there sure are certain things you can say about the majority of men isn't there? Ha...<br /><strong><u><br />The irrationality of pain-exaggeration and macho man all in one</u><br /></strong>For instance, what about this whole deal of exaggerating when they're in pain or when they're just a little bit sick? At the same time, when something really is wrong, they rather shut up and stomach it and not let anyone know, cuz suddenly then, it's a private matter the man needs to handle on his own. But when it's a small thing, he wants be mothered and pampered. I swear, every woman I know have complained about this phenomena with their men, including yours truly. A little cold, or a little stomach ache, he's exaggerating the cold and dragging his legs painfully behind him like sabi the world ended and someone just gave him a fatal blow. My boss always complains about this with her husband. They be all like<em> "ahhh baby I'm so siiiiick can't you help me biko" "Momy, momy, can I have some food" "Can you rub my leg? They're hurting soooo badddd"</em><br />But the same man can walk around with a tumour or be falling on the ground fainting, he'll stomach it and hold it to himself. If you ask "are you okay?" <em>"Yes, I am, stop worrying about me!" </em>The man can be dying sef, God forbid he opens his mouth and tells you. Then it's the macho instinct that takes over.<br />How about eating nko? When you try to tell him "hey...maybe you should get something to eat?" <em>"No, I have to work" or "No, I have to play this video game".</em> A lot of men seem to love to eat and throw themselves over food when they're offered, at the same time, many seem to not eat very well.<br />The excuses you get are either<br />1) There was no food (which is always untrue)<br />2) I forgot (which is a ridicilous excuse)<br />3) I didn't have time (which is semi viable but not good enough)<br /><br />Sometimes they behave like little kids. We need to keep that in mind those of us who give birth to little boys, why do so many of us raise our daughers to be dutiful and pamper our "sweet boy" cuz he's a boy? That's where they learn it from. Why are girls always expected to perform duties while guys are expected to be out playing. Or is it just me who thinks that's the normal way of things?<br /><br />On a different note;<br />I'm so proud of myself, I finally learnt how to eat with chopsticks. I swear, if I can do it, you can too. I thought it would NEVER happen, but I am now a chop-stick woman! I've been eating sushi every day lately because I stay late hours every day and I dont want to eat something fat aaaand there's a sushi place right near by. They should know my orders by heart by now. I spilled some soy sauce over my ring finger, now it's stuck between my finger and my ring. Itchy.<br /><br />Love,<br />Ada<br /><br />______<br />P.S thanks for all the care (referring to earlier posts) -I will update soon but thought it was time for a happier post.. And I am still planning to come around other blogs soon.Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com48tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-33820440104933148682011-05-12T18:00:00.000+02:002011-05-13T22:43:38.134+02:00When to give up?Last night, me and my significant other got into it again.I hate sharing stuff like this on here, because like everyone else, I would like to pretend my life is just fine, that I'm happy, that my man is treating me right... that I'm worth being treated right? Or something like that. I also think it looks kinda pathetic sometimes, to be all explicit. But I am a brutally honest person, and I think a personal blog is supposed to be open, and not just paint a flawless image. I somehow feel like I'm lying to you if I'm not writing what I really want to write that day, if I'm being dishonest. Sometimes I feel like the misery in my life reflects poorly on me, but I am going to try to be confident and choose to say no, it doesn’t.<br /><br />More and more, I am thinking about giving up. I believe in marriage, I believe in fighting for it, not letting obstacles and problems get in your way. But I am so damn tired of pulling the entire load and being constantly hurt and never recognized. I feel like I'm never seen. The dude is so messed up and so hurt..so damaged. Paranoid. He always thinks everyone is out to get him, that no one is to be trusted. That is what hurts me the most and that is the hardest part for me to accept, that maybe, in spite of all my sacrifices, this man that I love so much, this man that can never be replaced in my life, will never, ever, see the truth in me.<br /><br />For soon 8 years, I've been fighting to prove that I'm honest, that my intentions are good, that I love him, that he can trust me, that I'm there. Sheesh, if there's a down-ass chick, that chick is me. After 4 years, he finally cut me some slack, but as soon as he's somewhat doubtful, he jumps to conclusions and I feel like I'm put on trial and the verdict is made without my testimony. I can't step wrong, because if I do, he's going to think the worst of me. Always. Always always always. And this is why I cry. I have to watch my back. That's not how life's supposed to be, is it.<br /><br />I’ve fought so hard, for so long. The first 4-5 years of our lives were fine, but filled with hustle and struggle. The struggle had nothing to do with our relationship, but big family problems, death, immigration issues and the like. We got through all of that, and somehow, once things calmed down, is when my dear hubby started losing it. I really think he’s losing it. His head no correct sometimes. He is the sweetest most lovable guy, but sometimes he just turns into a monster. Something really ain't right, because I know he loves me and I am no denial-type person.. I feel like I have no fight left in me. I have close to nothing more to give. My reservoirs are drained to the last drop. I am not myself anymore. I'm angry with him, at the same time I cry for him because I feel more sorry for him than I do myself. He's going to be alone for the rest of his life. Maybe not alone physically, but truly, in the real sense of the word, alone. How can you not be alone when you refuse to let anyone into YOU, when you don't dare to give at all. I'd even be happier about this hot mess If he could be happy one day with someone, even if that someone isn't me. That's how much I love him. He's my family. I'm tired of the unexpected anger outbursts and being suspected all the time. I am not even talking about suspecting me for cheating (though that happens too) but suspecting me for being a bad-intentioned person. Nothing could ever hurt me more. When I know to myself, that I am as sincere, genuine and pure hearted as a wife could ever be. The inequality and imbalance is too much. Just too much...It's not fair. Now that is just me venting!<br /><br />What happened yesterday: Remember my brother in law and his horrible gold-digging new wife. Well, he used to be like my real brother. For all these years, we've been close like twins. He'd call me at any hour and I'd call him. If I ever had any problems, esp with hubby, I could call him. He'd comfort me and he'd talk to him, and if I ever had a problem he'd help me....I reminisce one time in Nigeria, I busted open my knee..and he was there to wipe the blood. That's something no one ever did for me except for my mom. He had my back. I love him like a brother. Anyone who’s read my blog from way back knows I have a real brother who is an ass and doesn't give a shit about me. But with my BIL; it was like..God gave me a second brother. But since he married this woman, of course we haven't talked much. I understood her jealousy (in spite of disliking her) so I backed off and accepted we wouldn’t be tight like before. I couldn't help but dislike her (for her personality), but I kept that to myself. I told him, <em>you know what nwanne, I’m your sister I'll support you in anything you do, it's your business, I just hope you watch your back and think about what you do.</em> Its my hubby that told me BIL was just using her. I somehow rested at peace with it, because honestly, I didn't want her as part of the family, as much as I think using people is despicable. I didnt' think she was even 25% good enough for him, she was a lowlife trifling manipulating woman with all the wrong intentions, so that made me not think of it as so bad. She suddenly got some idea that my house that belongs to me, that I got built with MY MONEY, not even my hubbies money, belonged to her. Stuff like that. I am a generous, patient and tolerant person but I just don't like overstepping boundaries like that.<br /><br />Anyways, it's been seeming like maybe BIL actually isn't using her. That maybe they are in a real relationship. And I've been thinking about that. As much as I dislike the woman, if she's going to be a part of this family I might aswell put my dislikes away and make an effort to try to minimize friction, and just let BIL feel better about it and not so stressed out with his sister in law not liking his wife. For his sake mostly, but also for hubby's sake, so they didn't have to worry about it. Because I dont want stupid family conflicts. I just want peace of mind. I've learnt enough about stupidity and really, life is too short to have useless conflicts. If he's gonna be married to her, he's going to be married to her and its better for all parties involved we all make the best out of it. So I carefully asked hubby if things have changed with BIL, if he is making a real go, because if he is, I’d like to try to look the other way and make more of an effort to get in touch with her (because I've avoided her so far) so that we could go visit without any stress. The guy just goes haywire on me for that, saying the only reason I'm asking is because I want to marry the both of them. That he doesn’t know his brothers business and it’s none of our business. I tried to explain but of course I was talking to a shouting angry dragon so there was no point. What’s up with that? *shakes head* It's not like I even think it's my business, it's just that I'm trying to make the best of the little family I was once apart of. That's right, I feel like I have no place in it anymore. Again, anyone who's read this blog way back knows I don't have the brightest of family backgrounds. So marrying my hubby, being part of his, was so heartwarming and great. I don't know why I even try to act like we have a future together, maybe I should try harder to realise we might not. I am just fed up today...<br /><br />And for anyone who might comment, I have tried to get him to therapy and he says yet but hasn’t gone in a year. You can’t force a man. Serious stuff aside, I hope to get my blog mojo back as soon as I finish my exam. Right now, things are still crazy, as I'm sure can be easily imagined.<br />Thanks for the love!<br /><img src="http://www.mylivesignature.com/signatures/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" />Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-27941978534991723502011-05-09T17:04:00.008+02:002011-05-09T17:26:00.805+02:00Soon to be energy drink-addictHi Peoples!<br /><br />Man, I feel so guilty. I never read any blogs, nor do I update. Any blog recipe says <em><strong>"UPDATE YOUR BLOG REGULARLY AND OFTEN". </strong></em>Am I a failure in that regard? Yes, I know I am. It's just, I am a <a href="http://twotears-inabucket.blogspot.com/2011/02/my-conscience-is-my-slavemaster.html">prisoner of my concience</a>, as I wrote in an earlier post, and I feel guilty to just post and post when I haven't had the time to read any of yours..plus I feel like I don't have the time to write either. But I will do better soon enough, just let me finish my exam. So just a little note, I haven't forgot, and I will do a thorough read-through as soon as I can. After all, there are so many gorgeous blogpost-pearls out there to be missed.<br /><br />Lately, work has been piling up on me, even on weekends ( and that's just my job) ...my studies is a whole different chapter of calamity. My exam is in 2 weeks and 3 days. Until then, I will be an energy drink junkie high on...books. I don't know where to find my energy, my spunk, my motivation.. but I have to study anyway. I don't know what's wrong with me, cuz I'm usually an over-achiever aiming for the top grades, and I get stressed if I haven't revised <em>perfectly</em>. And I <strong>am</strong> nervous.<br />At the same time, I just can't be bothered with this <strong>stupid</strong> studying! I am tired of calculus and algebra. I am tired of graphs and inexplicable language, complicating things for no reason. I'm tired of microeconomics and macroeconomics and models and equilibria and all that ISH. I'm tired of squeezing my brains until it comes out my ears to try to understand something <span style="font-size:180%;">I just don't get.</span> I'm more tired than anything else, of not having the time to study. Of not having the luxury of the ability to FOCUS.<br />And eating?`Sheesh. I either eat crappy food or don't eat at all, my only non-guiltcreating pursuit is eating sushi. And now I'm going to have to buy energy drinks too (which I hate and think is really unhealthy) because I have been falling asleep on my desk lately. Yes o, I can't believe it. Usually, when I fall asleep in a place that is not my home, my subconcious doesn't allow me to fall deep asleep. I'll wake up at the littlest sounds. But now, I am completely out of it for an hour on my table. When I wake up, I've either drooled over my "pillow" (<em>read:sweater folded</em>) or my arm is 'asleep' (<em>read: full of needles pinching me</em>) I guess this is what we go to school for.<br /><br />-Adaeze<br /><br />(Oh and at the risk of sounding unappreciative P.S : I do truly appreciate you taking time to read and comment on my neglected blog in spite of my shining absence from yours)Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-1830716474378519912011-04-13T18:04:00.010+02:002011-04-13T18:55:27.506+02:00My tattooYes oh, I have decided to share it after much nagging from various people....[after having written <a href="http://twotears-inabucket.blogspot.com/2011/03/meaning-of-my-tattoo.html">this</a> post about the meaning behind it] I don't mind, but I don't like doing anything that might expose my identity (although a few do know me in real life). I'm an open person but I rather 'reveal' myself privately than on my blog. I know all of you must understand cuz you're very anonymous yourself, most of you, lol. <br><br> I am losing my mind nowadays, being a student and in full time employment. I can just feel my chest closing up thinking about it. Every day, questions are buzzing around like annoying mosquitoes in my head. How will I get this done? <span style="font-size:180%;">How will I, get <em>THIS</em> done?</span> How is it possible? Where are the hours in the day, I'm supposed to use to complete all my chores? I'm forced into a corner. I don't feel I have a choice.<br> Everyone keeps telling me, you have to take it easy, take care of yourself, blah blah blah. I appreciate your concern but I just don't have a choice at this point in my life. Too many of my family burdens are on me, I need to work, I need this money! Plus it's the only good thing I have right now, a good job with great colleagues. At the same time, I refuse to let my education run away from me. I just pray my body will let me keep going until I can take a breather. Every day, I come to work in the morning, then I stay after work to do my studying, and that is my routine, every week. Every weekend I study too, and it's not even beginning to think about cutting it. I am way behind, and many nights I fall asleep on my desk or I just don't know where time went, and suddenly, I'm only one more page into my book than I was 2 hours ago. <br>The rest of my life is being quite neglected, but I try my best to keep things up and take care of everyone at the same time. Some people I think resent me, and think I just don't care. It's not true, it's just.... I have more than enough keeping up with what I have already. A troubled husband and 3 variously troubled friends that I keep in contact with every week, plus everything else in my life. Everyone asks me, with their eyes popping outta their head, <strong><em>HOW do you do that</em>?!</strong> <br>My answer is always the same...Girl when you find out please tell me, cuz I have no idea.... I want one day where I can just take a shower and pamper myself. Preferrably I would have enjoyed a spa.....*drooling*....Nope, I've never tried that and won't allow myself to spend that money at this point...I want to just eat lots of nice foods, nice hot, homemade meals...mmmmm..and sleep, and watch good movies, and have great conversations. Now that would be something. Spa and restaurants are definitely on my future to do list, just don't have the time to write it down right now. I'm hungry!<br><br> Moaning aside, here's the tattoo: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAyTCyA4AMboBdCd8_20P0zyfOFqv_68OQSkldOhrJNcWZN5hWbFMDSOon_r4W6LpfM1drctbLidNDRcRsLLCR5YMR1I5W_wsyfHSeK7K0oMfz6Ytrc1Xt3bxmkpnBID1ZdAtmtkv-D69q/s1600/tattooo.jpg"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 274px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 320px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5595102356802979586" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAyTCyA4AMboBdCd8_20P0zyfOFqv_68OQSkldOhrJNcWZN5hWbFMDSOon_r4W6LpfM1drctbLidNDRcRsLLCR5YMR1I5W_wsyfHSeK7K0oMfz6Ytrc1Xt3bxmkpnBID1ZdAtmtkv-D69q/s320/tattooo.jpg" /></a> P.S: Continuing from last post does ANYONE know how I can post without having to go in and edit all the HTML? This is taking me so much time, and if you read this post, you know that's one thing I don't have...I write in the visual editor, and when I post, all the spaces I put in disappear :-( <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhj-PYVQi8FCe7Ib2kkaZF8YmqEY6nQJRZvRREZqqaloONukiIXmgDolcPiAf2WjmT1ZVJQd8PcSWiDW6n_SOVqTGJWi9R0oDb_zK61E5dRqiWKjUcES6rTigTFtEeN81F-xHfdBPUv6btd/s1600/tattooo.jpg"></a>Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-26090880741521309842011-04-07T17:20:00.006+02:002011-04-07T17:54:17.889+02:00Trust & The frailty of Relationship DynamicsMehn, it's getting harder and harder to keep up my blog promise about being more frequent. My life is so friggin busy....14 hour work days and work in the weekend too. Finding the time to do anything for myself is challenging. On top of that, everything kinda sucks cuz there's a <strong>storm </strong>in my life right now. God knows how it will all end. <br> <br> I've been thinking A _ L O T _ lately...and I am generally a thinker too, so you can just imagine how my brain cells be exploding up in my skull. Being involved with many complicated relationships in my life, I have thought quite a lot about the above topic...my family isn't the simplest and most functional one, and the people in it aren't the most uncomplicated creatures... of course, being a product of that, I am quite complex myself, and naturally I end up meeting and surrounding myself with other complicated people. It's a natural circle.. <br><br> <a href="http://smstemplates.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/trust.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 437px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 227px; CURSOR: hand" border="0" alt="" src="http://smstemplates.net/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/trust.jpg" /></a><span style="font-size:180%;"><strong>Trust</strong> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">, as we probably all agree, have known and heard, is one of the most important ingredients in any relationship. That foundational, deep rooted <strong>trust.</strong> Most especially in a romantic relationship. Most problems we encounter are related to <strong>trust </strong>issues. Our fear of being involved, of love itself, mostly has to do with <strong>trust.</strong> Because what will we do if we love, and let go, and the person disappoints us because we can't <strong>trust </strong>them? Isn't that our greatest fear? <br><br>When being involved with someone, there's always a working dynamic that comes to exist between you and your significant other. You have some kind of common understanding, and building that is what first comes to be in the beginning of the relationship. That common understanding's building blocks always consist of <strong>trust</strong>. Now, people's view of <strong>'trust' </strong>can vary widely...some people think it's okay to let their man go and have his 'adventures' but still <strong>'trust' </strong>that he's coming back home. That ain't my kinda thing, but everyone for his own. The point is, <strong>trust</strong> is part of the very foundation of all relationships.<br><br> Now, what if your partner goes and does something wrong, not something massive and unforgivable, but something enough to tick you off and be disappointed. This shock causes the relationship dynamic to shift just a tiny little bit. Your view of the other person changes. However little, it still changes. "Oooh, so it's like that...okay..." The almost unavoidable result, unless you are some kind of superman or superwoman, is that your thoughts and your behavior, also shifts a tiny little bit, and that will rub off on your partner...Now, if your partner sees this and is wise enough, he or she would try to stand up against that and correct his/hers wrongs, and you both try to get back to status quo, some kind of balance.. On the other hand, what if your tiny shift of thoughts get your partner a little insecure? He or she might step wrong again, out of fear of telling you the truth since you got so mad the first time. Or who knows, maybe you will be the one to do wrong, to "even the score". Then the dynamic shifts even further. <br><br>This is a phenomenon that truly scares me in a relationship. The trouble is that these tiny shifts, when these 'tiny' mistakes are made, may be so small you don't notice it while they happen, until they have piled up and represents huge change from how things used to be. At that point, it takes two very strong people working together, to try to make things work again. If your views and thought patterns have changed so much, it takes an extremely faithful person to let go old hurts and memories...and even that is not enough, if the other person doesn't step up too. It <strong>is </strong>scary. If not it wouldn't be so precious. True love is a blessing, and love, when it works, is the greatest blessing we are all looking for. I believe blessings can't come without having faith and trust in them. Being aware of possible obstacles on the road, might equip us better to handle these challenges when they come on our way, no matter what type of relationship is in question. <br><br>That was my two cents for today....have a blessed week lovelies..<br /><br />PS: I keep having problems when I post - all spaces and paragraphs disappear and I have to manually edit the HTML codes - anyone knows how to fix this?.</span>Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-5731098206459484092011-03-29T16:54:00.004+02:002011-03-29T17:27:22.856+02:00Women who use menHey lovlies. I feel bad for not having the time to read any blogs, not even responding to comments on mine. I am definitely going to improve on the latter, and try my best to improve the first of those. I miss reading up, but there just haven't been any pockets of time for me at ALL. My life is a chaotic mess right now and I am just hanging on for life. Nevertheless let me take the opportunity to thank you for showing up here anyway. About the tattoo, alright, from all the nagging I might just post it in my next post. Yes ur right, not this one. Patience patience! <br> <br> Two stories have recently been brought to my attention and they just outrage me to the point I definitely need to write about it, in spirit of Stings recent post about women who don't close their legs to married men and also my previous posts about sisterhood. This is examples of females who definitely don't act sisterly...<br><br> <strong><span style="font-size:130%;">Leech #1 -</span></strong> the woman my brother in law married - I refuse to call her the other name she might go by cuz she is def def <strong>NOT</strong> my sister in law. I see myself as a calm person and it takes a lot to get me truly agitated (meaning you can be able to physically tell) but this lady somehow makes the best in me evaporate the moment I think of her. When a leech uses one of my loved ones? Ha, you better WATCH YOURSELF oh! Carefully too. Thanks be to God we don't live in the same country. This stupid BIL of mine has walked into Jezebel's nest, and I do blame him for this, but this woman is so dirty and sleazy minded it trumps him and just...baffles me. I told my hubby and BIL she's a gold digger, they didn't believe me at first. I just knew it. This woman wanted a picture of MY house and MY car before she agreed to even date him, because she needed proof he wasn't poor or "primitive" . Can you believe it? Uneducated little b.....She then proceeded to happily email me and let me know that she's looking so much forward to LIVING THERE. This is old news. Now the latest one I heard is that she got to know him through her bestfriend who wanted to date him and she basically stole him from her. Now she is playing childish games on facebook with constant status updates "I LOVE MY HUSBAND, MY HUSBAND LOVES ME!!!!!!!!!". <em>I hate excessive exclamation points. </em>Now she is also pretending to everyone that he is the father of the child she had with the last igbo man she stayed with, who actually wasn't igbo but she was too stupid to figure that out. And of course the only reason why she was with him too was cuz she heard igbos are resourceful savvy businesspeople. <br><br>Now, don't get me wrong, I am not excusing my BIL for his idiotic behavior, but that is another post. The matter I think the most about is her poor daughter, what kind of woman will she grow to be, having so many father's in her life? Because this mumu woman took his last name on Facebook after knowing him for a month! Needless to say, my BIL is desperate and one of those guys trying to get his papers in order and he is openly using her. Ah I am not going to get into it cuz it all gets me so frustrated...<br><br> <strong><span style="font-size:130%;">Leech # 2</span></strong> - the ex wife of my hubbys bestfriend - This story is worse, brace yourself. Now my hubbys bestfriend have lived in marriage with this woman for 20 good years and had 3 children. Suddenly after all this while, he finds out 2 out of the 3 is not his, the eldest being 16 years old! All hell broke lose and long story short, they are now divorced. Now this female creature refuses to bring the DNA tests so that he doesn't have to pay child support for the other two, and sends hate messages from his son's mobile phone to make him believe that his son despises him. Now WHY do women do this crap? <br><br> Maybe I am sexist but I do think that women can hold themselves to at least a <strong>bit higher</strong> standard and take the higher ground. Women like these discredit all of us honest ones and make our lives harder. Maybe not everyone have gone through the same things, but I have worked hard to gain my respect, and I still have to face these kind of judgments in society based on experiences with women like that. I don't know why they do it, they must be lost, with no confidence and no conscience. I do feel sorry for them, but at the same time I think there are no excuses. I struggle too, but I don't go and behave like that because of it. Who I feel the worst for are the children who are caught in the middle, and I believe that a woman, once she gets a child, has a <strong><em>DUTY</em></strong> to put that child <strong><em>FIRST</em></strong>. Not use them as a property in a childish war. <br><br>I will be back soonish! xxx, <br><img src="http://www.mylivesignature.com/signatures/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" />Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-36651437253798642082011-03-12T00:27:00.008+01:002011-03-15T15:38:41.624+01:00What YOU may not have known? Sisterhood part 2Hey peoples. Are you upset for me for not posting a pic of my tattoo? I feel very unnoticed o. Lol<br /><br />Jokes aside, here's a little continuation of my last post. I was inspired to post this from the most useful chainmail I've ever received. I usually think those things are a hassle, but this one served me right. One person I immediately think of who might benefit from reading this is my fellow student <a href="http://www.nigerianscorpio.com/">STING</a> *waves frenetically for Sting to notice*<br /><br />I am such a hard working busy person. I always feel guilty when I do something "I'm not supposed to" - like spending time with a girlfriend instead of studying. But this email proved to me why it is a much needed activity (that deserves to be prioritized). I already knew this, but being presented with hard facts in my face felt very satisfying. The email was written by a Stanford student, explaining the content of one of the courses she had attended. The prof of Psychiatry had stated that <em>"the best thing a man can do for his health is to be married to a woman" </em>whereas <em><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">"the best thing a woman can do for her health is to nurture the relationships with her girlfriends".</span></strong> </em><br /><br />While women share feelings, men form relationships around activities. They talk about sports and their jobs whereas women form support systems and help each other deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Quality girl time apparently helps us produce more <em>serotonin </em>which is a neurotransmitter that helps us combat depression and generate a general feeling of well being. I am not surprised! So apparently, spending time with your girl is just as important for your health as excercising regularly is.<br /><br />We often push ourselves to eat healthy, stay fit and exercise, all to stay healthy, but may deprive ourselves of this 'guilty pleasure ' ( at least those of us who are over achieving neurotic students ) , but according to this proffessor, it's just as important as any other activity we do for our health. In fact, he stated that <span style="font-size:180%;">not doing it is as bad for your health as smoking cigarettes. </span>In your face guilttripping voiceman (yes, it's a he) in my head! BOOYAH!<br /><br />I think I'll still feel guilty at times, but certainly less than before. Blessings!<br /><br /><br /><img src="http://www.mylivesignature.com/signatures/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" />Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-5181043276448050032011-03-11T17:24:00.004+01:002011-03-12T00:38:42.814+01:00Sisterhood part 1When I was growing up, I never was much liked by my fellow female peers. I got better along with the boys, being quite a tomboy back then. I was bullied a lot too, especially by girls. They can be so mean sometimes, can't they? They would always throw comments at my apperearance....spider legs, freak, fatty, horse hair, etc. My hubby says it must have been cuz they were all jealous? I don't know. I still do not have enough confidence believe that. I tended to be wiser than my age and act maturely, so I'm sure some of them felt intimidated. I'd never get involved when they were throwing comments, even when they hit me and spit at me, I would usually remain quiet. Occasionally, I would say something in the lines of "Really, you are so low that you have to attack people to make yourself feel better?"<br />My mother taught me to always look beyond the surface. "Remember that some of those girls, they are victims of broken homes and a lack of parental supervision, they're insecure and angry with the world". That they were probably feeling bad about themselves, that's why they attacked me. That I shouldn't cry. Cuz I sure came home crying for about 2 years. They used to prank me in front of the boys, make sure my underwear showed without my knowing, and spread vicious rumours. And I can swear until this day, I never did anything to ever piss anyone off. The only thing I did, is that I went in when they were bullying other, less confident kids than I, and told them to lay off. It's funny, because till this day, I don't really feel like I have half of the confidence I should have, even though I seemed to have it back then.<br /><br />Throughout the years, I built many friendships with girls. I never had a sister, and I always dreamt of a <strong><em>bestfriend. </em></strong>I had many. All of them used me and threw me away. When I was a teen, I thought something must be wrong with me. Why does no one like me? , I used to ask my mom. My mother always said, don't you worry, when you grow a little older, you will finally meet someone who matches you. They will have grown up by then. And I have! I have several good girlfriends that I can trust and confide in, one of the most special ones even being someone I "met" here in Blogville! She's become like a big sister to me, and one of the other ones is like my twin. Someone who is just as tall as me oh! Yeah, that is hard to find. Ya'll don't know how difficult that is. Lol.<br /><br />Being deprived of true friends for so many years, this is what I appreciate the most in my life right now. It's the greatest blessing. Sisterhood among women. It is truly special. Participating in Blogville daily reminds me of that. There are a few men among us, but most of the bloggers are female, and I feel such unity among us. Also, the International Women's day was just this past week. We must remember that this is still a very central and important cause to fight for. And most of all, we must remember to never be bad to each other, because we too often turn on each other. Snatch each other's husbands, become the lover of someone elses boyfriend, humiliate someone in public, look down on a beautiful girl out of jealousy...spread rumours and think badly of a girlfriend that happen to have something you wish you had. We should keep ourselves too good for this! It is only our sisters, who knows exactly what us women have to face and go through, but also how gracious and beautiful we are. We bear children. We raise them. We become the rocks and pillars of our families, for our husbands to hold on to, so they can step into the world every day, even after a moment of weakness, appearing like strong successful men. We multi-task and multi-manage everything in households, we love and create love. We endure and sacrifice for our loved ones. We bring understanding and compassion when we're abused by males.<br /><br />Some of us might not feel it as much as others, but I try to stay aware of all the things we have to face as women. I have experienced hands on, maybe one of the worst, and most common crimes against women; rape. It's so much more common than we know. But how about the smaller things? Having to endure men treating us like pieces of meat in the market on a daily basis, being talked to in derogotary terms, and having to fight our way through the work market, to be respected for our intelligence and not our looks. In the most developed countries in the world, women still do not get equal pay. How about being called baby? Sugar? We are really being infantilized when people (who do not have the right) choose to force on us these names and change an otherwise neutral situation into having more sexual undertones.<br /><br />We should remember what women before us have gone through, our mothers and great grand mothers, and stick together and love our sisters, no matter what color, this is something we share, this sisterhood. Its easy to forget, and see another woman as an enemy, but if we stick together, we are more likely to grow stronger. Too many of us face troubles we should not face, if our men were more understanding and respecting of our worth. Sticking together we gain a louder voice.<br /><br />So, this was my post in spirit of International Women's Day. I'll follow up with an interesting fact I recently learned. Let all our prayers go out to all the victims of the earthquake and the tsunami. And lets not forget the most recent victims before them, who the media are no longer giving attention - Haiti. They still need our prayers.<br /><br /><br /><br /><img src="http://www.mylivesignature.com/signatures/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" /><br />P.S - Regarding my tattoo everyone requested to see, I am still contemplating whether to reveal it or not....Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-12847188887397066622011-03-06T12:24:00.000+01:002011-03-06T12:24:00.789+01:00The meaning of my tattooI got my first tattoo last year. It is a quite large back piece - covers my left shoulder from the edge of my arm to my neck. I am not a fan of having tattoos all over, especially not meaningless ones, but this one is something I felt like I could stand for. I wanted it to be a constant reminder to me - that I must not let myself be defined by fear. The tattoo is symbolic, it's a special orchid that always blooms, over and over, in spite of not being watered for long periods. On the orchid is a butterfly, breaking out of it's cocoon, flying away. I wanted to force myself to remember to not let my choices be so defined by what I am afraid of. To take life by it's balls. If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Life's a bitc*, be it's pimp.<br /><br />Most of us like <strong>comfort. </strong>However <em>miserable </em>the comfort is, it's still comfort. Have you thought about that? Some of you are lucky enough to be where you want to be, but some of us are still far from that spot. How do we get to it without letting the challenges get the best of us? How often do we convince ourselves that our current situation is okay, just to make it bearable, while there is a silent voice in our head screaming that we want to try something else? It could be changing career paths, or changing education, it could be getting out of a relationship, or moving out of your family's home before they want you to. It could be getting a job instead of looking for a husband against ur mothers wishes, it could be moving out of the country.<br /><br />My comfort has been pretty miserable, so I am terrified, absolutely petrified of ever letting that go (without explaining what 'that' refers to in specific)to venture out into the world and try something new. But I will because I only have one life and I have to at least try, no be so? Why am I afraid to leave the comfort? Probably because I am so afraid to fail. But what if my fear is also to succeed? What if I am so used to taking care of others and being sad that I have no idea how to live another way? How do I handle that? That's just me. I am strongly determined to take life by it's balls no matter what it is I am so afraid of. I intend to move to New York all by myself, all alone and make it on my own. There, I said it. I know that's what I need to do for myself. I need to practice living my life for myself and nobody else, free from interruptions and distractions. I need to prove it to myself that I can survive alone (because I am terrified of being alone). No, I am not getting a divorce o, <s>not yet</s> (I'm not saying I will or never will, I don't know what the future holds but I pray for the best).<br /><br />Anyways I wanted to encourage everyone else to look inside themselves and find what it is they have always wanted to do, but always been too afraid to do. Don't let it stop you, because when we finally grow old and wiser than we are today, we're probably going to regret it.<br /><br /><img src="http://www.mylivesignature.com/signatures/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" />Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-48465923680896763972011-03-02T10:23:00.004+01:002011-03-02T13:07:22.814+01:00Why can't you be yourself?Two-facedness is really one of my worst pet peeves. People who change their behavior around different people.<br />Sure, it's a normal part of our social skills to adjust our behavior in the presence of different groups - we usually use a different type of language around our peers than we do our elders, modify our behavior around strangers, don't let the "mouth faucet" run as much around a new acquaintance.That is perfectly normal, and I would say lacking those abilities would indicate you have what I call bad social antennas. But entirely changing behavior around different people? That screams insecurity and instability to me. The person doing it is obviously not secure of him/herself, but also you cannot trust them. It also becomes a tiring task to adjust <em>your </em>behavior accordingly, because afterall, if they behave one way with you, and one way when you're in a group, you have to adjust the way you talk to them!<br /><br />I have one girlfriend I know very well. She is quite mellow around me, but as soon as we meet other people, she puts on this whole "COOL FRONT", desperately trying to suck in all the air around and make sure all attention is on her. I don't mind cuz I don't like all attention on me, but its so forced and uncomfortable. She has to talk extra loud, use rougher words, laugh extra hard..she basically puts on a face that ain't hers, making these people think she is someone very different from who she truly is. Whats the deal? Most annoyingly, I have to change the way I talk to her because the girl I know<strong> <em>isn't there anymore. </em></strong>If I were to continue talking to her the way I usually do, she'd feel struck by insecurity and rather try to make me a fool and say "You don't know what you're talking about hahahaha" than actually be herself.<br /><br />And how about guys/boyfriends who does this? They are calm and thoughtful around you, and as soon as their 'crew' shows up, they're all tough, loudmouthed and idiotic again? Just to impress their boys and make sure they don't say "ahhhh your girl's got you on a leash". Grow up mehn. Don't even get me started on all the boys/girls men/women who engage in that kind of group activity to discourage their friends. That's another talk for another day.<br /><br />As for me, I am at work and I have moved closer to making a choice on what I wrote about in my last post, so that is at least one relief! Thank you for all your concern I appreciate it so much xxx<br /><br /><img src="http://www.mylivesignature.com/signatures/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" />Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-3179881834308521582011-02-28T15:20:00.003+01:002011-02-28T15:42:13.011+01:00Important choicesorry for my long silence, things got a bit out of hand in my life lately....<br />And I feel very inclined to not blog right now, since I feel I have nothing positive to contribute other than worries from my own life. I am a positive person and I like to stay positive, so I don't feel like this worrysome behavior suits me.<br /><br />But after all, my new goal for this blog was to be more of a personal diary so that I can look back on it for insight later on. I have been thinking a lot the <s>last year</s> lately...about my future. I don't know what my future brings in my marriage, and I am torn between different options with regards to other important choices I am to make.<br /><br />I have always dreamt of moving to New York. And I truly need some distance and space from my current situation. I am physically impacted by everything. lately I've been having weird allergic reactions and infections. I've been tested for different things and no results have appeared. My doctor thinks I have an allergic reaction to stress. I have a chronich spinal disc displacement, so my back constantly hurts. I have strange periods where my hearts starts to beat way too fast and I can barely breathe. I am exhausted. I need to get some space to take care of myself and not everyone else. But doing that would mean to break off my bachelor's degree in order to start a new one. The new one would probably accept many of the courses I've already taken, I'd apply as a transfer student. At the same time, I feel like it's too untidy. I am so hard on myself. So I am torn about this, constantly thinknig if I should follow my dreams and sacrifice all what it takes, or suck it up even longer and try to finish here..<br /><br />Also, I found out that the time my father was sick last year, he actually had a stroke, and now has brain injury in his left frontal lobe. That would explain his increased sudden outbursts, memory loss etc. This is a huge burden for my mother, and I feel inclined to help her. He is still fully functional (mostly) but it certainly is a strain for her.....<br /><br /><br />Soooooo what to do what to do. Anyway for now I no have time to think sef....i have to work and i have to study for my exams.<br /><br />So, sorry yall for just complaining again, I just wanted to show a sign that I am still alive lol and that the blog has not died yet. I am planning on a more fruitful comeback soon. I appreciate all of your support Sooooo much, all of you who has emailed. I'll have to search a long way to find sweeter people.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><img src="http://www.mylivesignature.com/signatures/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" />Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-44215451495590325842011-02-15T15:29:00.002+01:002011-02-15T15:51:05.366+01:00Phew....*Phew....counting to ten...taking a breath between the battles of every day life*<br />How do I not let it eat me alive? The routines and chains of everyday duties?<br />This is a rant. That's the best I can do for blogging right now.<br /><br />Today is the international childhood cancer awareness day (Feb 15th) so naturally I had a bunch of work to do (since I work for the national foundation for children w/cancer) and we had a documentary premiere today. Now I's tired of putting on a smiling face.<br /><br />I've been pondering lately, how to make the next 6 months work. I always work in 6-month trials and tribulations (cuz that's how long a semester lasts here). I always feel somewhat like I'm diving for 6 months and come up at the end of it all to gasp for air and then dive deep down again. Too bad my "Up-for-air-period" is already over cuz I could sure need some right now.....like TRAVEL SOMEWHERE WOULD BE NICE.<br />Anyway, I always used to be a fit person, excercising a lot. The exercising situation has been kinda poor lately, esp last semester, I didn't work out at all. I've gained pounds I want to lose but most of all I just feel like <strong>crap. My back hurts and I feel like my meat is shaking. I no like am at all. </strong>So. I need to get back to the gym. But <span style="font-size:180%;">HOW?</span><br /><br />I don't like to wake up early. I thought it was just a teenage phase but since I've been outta my teens for quite a while I think I better just wake up and smell the coffee - my habit is here to stay. I like to stay up late and sleep in. But I think the only way I can work out is if I do it early in the morning before I go to work? Now how am I going to do that? I go try sha..<br />If I get this done this is how my weeks will look:<br />Mon: 06: Wake up 07-08: Gym 08-09: Work 17-18: Study 21-22: Go home<br />Tue, Wed, Thurs, Fri : Same<br />Every other weekend I'll be "OFF" but study and the other weekend I'll be away for extra math's tutition. Sound nice eh? So much time for leisure and building relationships, dancing and laughing...<br /><br />Oh yeah I went to a shrink last week. She was a bitch. What kind of shrink tells you to get a divorce at the first session anyway? Without barely knowing anything about you?Useless YEYE woman.<br /><br />Sorry my beloved blogville for not contributing more positively and not being around much but at least I'm trying right now :-D<br /><br />Resolutions for next week: Work out, remember to read blogs, blog more, get into studying..<br /><br />Love,<br /><img src="http://www.mylivesignature.com/signatures/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" />Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-42015945349489788462011-02-08T17:37:00.002+01:002011-02-08T18:01:17.321+01:00Things I want to do before I dieI am the kind of person that wants to do a million things so badly.<br />For instance, although I knew before any of my peers what field I was going to be in when I grew up, I have been having trouble finding my particular route to where I want to go. I constantly question myself. I chose economics, but recently I've been wondering if I should have gone to med school after all. But that's not what this is about. My point is, for a person like me, who has trouble finding out what I <strong><em>don't</em></strong> want to do (because the choices are so unlimited), the smartest thing is to small by small, track down all the things I definitely <em><strong>do</strong> </em>want to do. One day, we will all die. And it's easy to forget that in the hurried stress of every day life. It's important to stop and appreciate the now, and not procrastinate important things forever. After all , we might never get to do them before one day we are gone. And that I will not have. So...<br /><br /><br /><strong>1) Live in New York City</strong><br />My mama lived there for years. I've grown up hearing stories, so that long before Sex in the city, I had imagined the streets, the taxis, the noisy ambulances and talkative New Yorkers.<br />Everytime I've gone there, I have felt right at home. The noisy crazyness is just right for me. You can make contacts anywhere, there is always something to laugh about, something to do, something entertaining, and always funny absurd experiences to be had. The diversity is just the right thing for someone as diverse as me. I love having all the world in one city, and I think what it would do for my personal development to live there for a while would be invaluable. I need to toughen up, and New York would do that for me.<br /><br /><strong>2)Live in Nigeria<br /></strong>For many of the same reasons above. I want to experience living differently than what I have so far. I want the warmth of the people. I want to learn more. I want to enrich my life with both new people and new experiences, and expand my cultural knowledge. I want to increase my language skills.<br /><br /><strong>3)Stare into the eyes of a wild mountain gorilla</strong><br />Yep, you heard me. I've always wanted to climb the mountains in Uganda to experience a group of mountain gorillas hands-on. There is something majestic and mysterious about these animals. They are more intelligent than any other animals and as an animal protector and environmentalist, I have great humility for nature, and for the religious ones out there, God's creations. Being in nature makes me happy and the beauty of every creature and every plant reminds me of how blessed we are, and takes my mind away from the meaningless suffering around the world. I am a profound believer in the need of humility on our part (read: humans) - if not, we cause too much destruction. Staring one of these big guys in the eyes would be fascinating because I think I would be amazed by their intelligent and thoughtful stare, at the same time it would be very humbling. Sometimes, it's not all material things and our fancy technological lives that matter.<br /><br /><br />These are only three of many. Plenty more will come sha.<br /><br />I changed my blog design by the way. Hope you like it. It's still not completely finished.<br /><br /><br /><img src="http://www.mylivesignature.com/signatures/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" />Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-31405723317098609942011-02-02T16:48:00.005+01:002011-02-03T00:17:43.795+01:00Being a prisoner of my own conscience<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAVmgyXWxiWPE9onGTOMgGKlNZ2pDRrd9SH43V5RgaaILtFOuvbKx2NSgpMeVBTDyI6uVV08f2DZQq2AXBhjU_FsKSS_dG04_yK48mq03KXNlCQ7YNDyYG-a4I_fiIgcOHx2dIYUvZ8sQ/s1600/helping+hand.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 364px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 244px; CURSOR: hand" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAVmgyXWxiWPE9onGTOMgGKlNZ2pDRrd9SH43V5RgaaILtFOuvbKx2NSgpMeVBTDyI6uVV08f2DZQq2AXBhjU_FsKSS_dG04_yK48mq03KXNlCQ7YNDyYG-a4I_fiIgcOHx2dIYUvZ8sQ/s1600/helping+hand.jpg" /></a> One cold winter morning, I was waiting for the bus. A group of 7-8 boys were standing there, making noise and being obnoxious, while they should have been at school. They were obviously looking for attention and got into play-fights every now and then. I'm ok with that, but when they bump into old people on the street, nearly knocking them over and so on, I think they're obnoxious. They would also grab a girls hair and have a loud mocking laugh about it.<br /><br />I could tell they were refugees from their attire and the fact they couldn't speak the language.One of the boys kept a bit to himself. He hesitantely laughed with the boys, but I could see the doubt in his eyes. He never spoke. As we all got on the bus, I couldn't help but keep my eye on him from afar. I could see how he was studying his surroundings and making up thoughts in his head. All quiet. And my heart went out to him. Here is a smart, thoughtful boy, insecure of himself, trapped in a toxic gang of his own peers, ready to pressure him into doing things he probably would think is wrong. I started thinking to myself, where did he come from? What had those deep brown eyes seen on his path to come to this country? Did he have parents, or had he come alone? What kind of future does life have in store for him?<br /><br />So..... in my last post, I mentioned how growing up depends on your ability to stay true to yourself and become aware of your personal strengths and weaknesses. I have one that I consider to be both (but sometimes just a weakness) ... <span style="font-size:180%;">I am a prisoner of my own conscience. <span style="font-size:70%;">The story above is a typical example. I always see between the lines. I always see what others can't see or won't pay attention to. And I always ask myself:</span> "What if it were me?" Seriously. What if it <em>were </em>me?<br /><br /></span><span style="font-size:100%;">Because of this, I have always been the little girl who brought stray animals back home, let people stay with me, give my money away and often bend over backwards to help people. I am glad I have this ability, because I know I am doing something good, but at other times, I wish it would leave me alone, since it stings me so. It's stung me in the sense that of course, many people have taken advantage of me. But I have become wiser now, so it usually doesn't happen. But it hurts to have so much empathy for everyone who has a problem. With the world we live in, it can sometimes feel very overwhelming. It caused a lot of depression for me in my early years. I have learnt how to deal with all this sadness and remain positive now, but it's a daily effort.<br /><br />I am still determined to make a bigger difference than what I have so far. This is the essence of who I am. But, I have to work on my feelings, to not let it get so far that helping others becomes a threat to my health. And that is one of my new lessons. Nuff said - those of you who want to imagine one of the things I am already referring to, feel free.<br /><br />All that being said, I do think, that for those of us who are blessed enough to even have the spare time in our lives to get on a computer and blog about ourselves have a duty to stay informed on what's going on and at the very least, have empathy for those who aren't as fortunate as we are, and also contribute to do what we can to make a difference. Not everyone are as blessed as us and most of the time it's never their fault. A little help along the way can make such a huge difference in a person's life, not to mention change their outlook on humanity itself. So pay it forward when you can, they won't forget.</span><br /><p><img style="BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-RIGHT: 0px" class="centered" alt="post signature" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" /></p>Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-20255138622575314842011-01-29T22:26:00.003+01:002011-01-29T23:29:25.486+01:00Becoming a real adultI am an adult. I started living as an adult long before I actually became one in the eyes of the law. But when do we really become <em>grown-up adults? </em>Some people remain childish all their lives.. and <strong><em>not</em></strong> in a cute way let me tell you. Other people take forever to grow up, but they eventually do.<br /><br />I had to grow up early.<br /><br />It wasn't much of a choice, I had to. But, that being said, I always acted older than my age and volunteerely took on more responsibility than anyone else my age. It was comfortable and natural to me. I started taking friendships seriously when I was 11-12 years old. I knew how to <strong>be there</strong> for someone. Took me a couple of blows to realise no one else my age knew the value and definition of true friendships. I had to reach 20 to experience that. But that's cool. I appreciate the good people in my life so much more now, because I know how hard they are to find.<br /><br />I dare to say I am mature for my age and I have been able to acquire wisdom from all my struggles. But there is so much more<span style="font-size:130%;"> growth</span> left for me to<span style="font-size:130%;"> c</span><span style="font-size:100%;">omplete. And I can't wait! Grass is always greener on the other side.<br /><br />Sometimes, I wish I could back to my childhood again. Before all the bad shit happened. But with one condition; I would go back, knowing how precious my own childish ignorance is/was. But - that is an unrealistic wish huh? Most especially because if I knew of my own ignorance, it would no longer serve to be called just that.<br /><br />When I was a teenager, I used to say I rather live in <strong>truth</strong> and <strong>pain</strong> than <em>pleasure</em> and <em>illusion </em>as a defence to people's probing questions to why in the world I was so serious. So I think I prefer adulthood. But a balanced, healthy adulthood. An accomplished adulthood, <em>in touch with myself</em>. I am in adulthood yes, but I haven't reached where I want to be mentally.<br /><br />There is always room for improvement and I believe one of the major tasks throughout our lives should always be <span style="font-size:130%;">searching for ways to improve ourselves.<br /></span><br /><u>BECOMING AN ADULT (not grown-up, cuz that's what adults call adults in child-language) IS....slash SIGNS THAT A PERSON IS NO LONGER CHILDISH..whatever floats your boat</u>:</span><br /><strong>- Improvement</strong>. Realising you're not perfect. You have flaws, flaws that were often caused by the nature of your own experiences and upbringing; and they should be worked on. For your's and your surrounding's well-being.<br /><strong>-Refinement.</strong> Perfecting and shaping the character you already have. Strengths and talents can be enhanced while weaknesses should be contained. Learning how to do that is truly a skill hard to ..master.<br /><strong>-Accountability.</strong> Stopping to make excuses and take accountability for your own actions whether you have a <strong>good excuse</strong> or not.<br /><strong>-Acceptance and differentiation.</strong> Learning how to differentiate between what should be challenged to change and what should be accepted the way it is. Accepting the things that must be accepted must happen in a constructive manner without aggression.<br /><strong>-Realization.</strong> Basically daring to be humble enough to admit there is a lot of stuff you still do not know, some of which you probably never will.<br /><br />That's what I have come up with so far. More will be added to the list, some when I remember them, others as I learn along the way.<br /><br />In light of the above, I have been pondering for the past couple of years; What are my own strength and weaknesses? What do I want to keep, and what would I like to change? What would I like to perfect? I will share in the posts to come.<br /><br /><p><img style="BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-RIGHT: 0px" class="centered" alt="post signature" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" /></p><p>P.S Thanks so much for all the support in connection with my last post. I appreciate it beyond words</p>Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-29620032505449401342011-01-23T01:11:00.007+01:002011-01-23T16:41:09.630+01:00Good saturday night, bad endingWhenever we go anywhere,we always walk home. It's like our tradition. We can walk for hours talking. That's one thing we've always had; amazing, enlightening conversations. On those walks home, we'd often talk about the most serious things and find solutions to our problems. This night, we'd just been to the cinema and were taking our 30 minute walk home. We weren't talking about anything serious, in fact we were laughing for the most part. He was cracking jokes like he always does, imitating people and making me laugh.<br /><br />As we approached the door of our apartment complex, I said<em> "Hey I think our dog will be coming back soon I hope that's fine with you?".</em> My parents have been taking care of him for a while since we'd both been out of the country. He broke out: <em>"Man, I don't need this crap why are you talking about it. I've been taking care of myself, feeding myself since I was 6 years old I don't need this shit and all these stupid questions!".</em><br />I was surprised to get such an angry response<strong> out of the blue.</strong> I know our dog isn't the problem cuz he loves him. My heart jumped in my chest immediately and I started fearing that his wrath might be on its way right about then. I calmly said,<em> "well in all fairness I just wanted to let you know and not ask you a lot of questions...what's up, I thought everything was fine?"</em><br /><em><br /></em>He ignored me. I felt paralyzed. I've been through it so many times, I can't help but be afraid. He removed his shoes and walked around me like I was a piece of furniture standing in his way.<br /><br />Once I got myself together I figured, ok, best to just stay quiet now and let him get some space. He went into the kitchen to start preparing a fish to roast. Earlier in the day, he'd bought a big tilapia, saying he was going to make it for the both of us and leave me off dinner duty for the night. I'd been so happy. After a whole week of double shifts I was pretty tired and glad to get a helping hand. I sat quietly in the livingroom. As soon as he finished, he came into the livingroom, but chose to sit down by the dining table with his phone. 45 minutes passed. I decided to calmly ask him if he was feeling ok. He didn't respond. I continued watching tv. The whole situation was borhtering me. I was contemplating whether to just leave him be completely, or try to help him before he gets too deep into his dark mindset.<br />After a while I asked again and he responded angrily<em> "I'm OK! It's nothing.."</em> I figured he was just weighed down by his financial worries, having borrowed money from my parents recently, me needing to pitch in and all his own family pressuring him for money. He woke up, and as he approached the couch, I opened my arms for him to signal that I was there for him. He lied down and put his head in my lap. I rubbed his hair and stroked his cheek, jokingly saying <em>"wetin dey worry u my piken. no worry o everything will be ok",</em> Hoping to just lighten the mood a little bit. He joked back and grabbed my hand and held onto it, <em>ndo</em>. I felt relieved.<br /><br />After a while I remembered the food. I asked him if he'd made tomatoes with the fish. He raised his voice: <em>"I'm not going to fucking make anything u eat whatever the fuck you want abeg stop talking to me".</em> I could feel my heart in my throat again. Beating faster.<br /><br />I said to him, concentrating to keep myself calm and let my voice sound as normal as possible; <em>"ok that is fine, but I really wish you wouldn't talk to me in such an angry manner".</em> He responded, <em>"Man I am so tired of this shit why are you making such a fuss and giving me problems man you think thats what I came here for?! I'm warning you o! I wont' live with you anymore if you continue like this."</em> He quickly moved away and turned his face to the wall. I remained quiet and took a deep breath.<br /><br />After a while, I checked on the fish. He had drifted off to sleep. I gently nudged him. He looked confused and sad. I said <em>"do you want me to take the fish out for you? You can just rest here I'll make the gari".</em> I'd do anything to make him realise I'm not the enemy and avoid any confrontation. He said no I'll do it myself..and woke up and went to the kitchen. I was there too and asked him <em>"hey is there any where you didn't put as much pepper?"</em> I have an infection in my eyes and anything too pepperish I really didn't want. And he shouted back at me <em>"Man I dont know where all these questions are coming from abeg just stop talking!"</em>. I gave up and went to the livingroom, thinking its better I just stay quiet, don't talk and eat later on...<br /><br />A few minutes later, he called out my name in a more gentle tone,<em> "hey, did you want to eat?</em>" He was probably feeling bad for having shouted at me again for no reason. I said <em>"Sure, I thought you were angry since I asked you about the pepper..."</em> He switched again and shouted at me; <em>"man there is food here, if you want to fucking eat, you eat, if not, you don't eat. Its not my problem".</em> I got angry now. I woke up and said <em>"Hey you know what this is enough you have to stop right now with this aggression! I don't know what's ticked you off, I've been patient with you, but now you need to start calming down."</em> He screamed back and pointed at me; <em>"I have had enough of all this shit you are always giving me fucking problems. I just came from home where no one was giving me any problems and I come back here and you are fucking with my head!".<br /></em><br />My heart was pounding... <em>"but what did I <strong>do</strong>? I haven't done anything I dont know what is possessing you but <strong>please</strong> just stop now!".</em> I could feel the tears pushing to come out. He pushed me backwards and screamed; <em>"you can't even allow me to EAT! YOU DON'T WANT ME TO EAT!"</em> I pushed him back. <em>"What are you talking about for christ sake I just offered to help you and woke you up for you <strong>to</strong> eat!".</em> He pointed his finger at me and pushed it into my chest, hard. I grabbed his arm hard to get his finger away from me.He continued; <em>"I am not going to stand for this shit! You are a crazy you're always giving me problems!"</em> and pushed his finger into my chest again. I hit it off again and he put his hand on my neck and pushed me forcefully backwards. Once he let go, I felt defeated. I said<em> "baby i dont know what is wrong with you. If you want to behave like this please go out. Don't let this get any worse now".</em> I was bawling. I felt like the air had been knocked out of me. He stormed into the bedroom and I sunk down to the floor.Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-37988163339360843742011-01-20T15:14:00.002+01:002011-01-20T16:22:39.183+01:00Adaeze is back to find herself<a href="http://alphonsuspeck.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/time_confusion.jpg"><img style="MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 375px; FLOAT: right; HEIGHT: 414px; CURSOR: hand" border="0" alt="" src="http://alphonsuspeck.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/time_confusion.jpg" /></a> Hey everyone. I am back. To stay now, I claim...<br />Do I still have any followers who will notice? I hope. <div><div><br /><div>Either way, I am hardcore determined to keep this blog going now. Recently, I have been trying to read up, gradually, on a few blogs, and I have been inspired and reminded to get back into the game.<br /><br />There has been many times that I wanted to post, but felt reluctant to do so because I feel like it's time I have something like a theme - some consistency - instead of chit chat about anything and everything. But since I am going through something I think merits the term <strong><em>identity crisis </em></strong>I find it hard to figure out. I am confused about most things in my life, so this is not exactly the best time to concentrate on a central theme on my blog. I would love to get your opinions, if you end up reading this.<br /><br />I am fiercely passionate about politics, culture(s), art, music, languages, history, Africa and all of the forementioned within her. I am very opinionated, but sometimes shy to express my views. I want to improve that. So there are obviously many things I can blog about, but my confidence to do so is quite low at the moment. At the same time, I have a personal need to express all the ish I don't get to in my everyday life. Adaeze is a strong<strong> <span style="color:#ff9900;">tigerwoman</span></strong>. Focusing too much on her life's <s>possible</s> tragedies, there simply is not enough time for. <em>Chop chop</em>, things must be done. No room to stop and stare at my current condition, even less to formulate opinions about it. If I was to, I probably would break down and not get things done. But it would be healthier for me to get some kind of outlet, wouldn't it? </div><br /><div>A lot has happened in the past year. I have been extremely busy getting my university degree, working and being a wife in a rocky marriage. I am less than halfway through my degree and I am starting feel like it's time to speed up the process. At the same time I have run into my second life crisis. I was wondering if I had hit it before, but now I know for sure. <strong>My quarter-life crisis.</strong> I suddenly doubt everything and everybody. Well, it is not so suddenly, but it feels that way. Am I even getting the degree I should be getting? A lot of this is connected to the fact that my marriage is stumbling at the edge of a cliff. It has caused me to question every part of my life and my decision-making pattern.<br /><br />Adaeze used to have such a good idea of who she <em><strong>was</strong></em>. Of what she wanted to <strong><em>be</em></strong>. In fact, she always did, before anyone else. Now I feel like a huge question mark in personification.<br /><br />So - My Idea is to blog about something as clichèd as <em><span style="font-size:180%;">finding myself. Again.</span></em></div><br /><div> </div><div>BUT - I feel like that is incredibly self-centred and I wonder how any readers would ever be interested in reading about that. Or is just that a reflection of my current low self-esteem?<br />See. Lesson number one about Adaeze's state of mind - one of the most recognizable characteristics in this state of confusion is that I am incredibly indecisive. I don't want to write too personal because I don't think that's...cool. At the same time, I need to. I think I need to blog in order to, and about, finding myself. Do express your opinion if you have one, please.<br /><br />All this being said, I have missed all of you! By no means I am any less busy, but I have a new commitment to blogging this year so I intend to keep updating and also reading as much as possible. A sincere yhank you for taking the time to read this!</div><div> </div><div>LOVE,</div><div>Adaeze</div></div></div>Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-34456353527744589742010-06-30T15:50:00.002+02:002010-06-30T15:55:08.387+02:00Summer greetings...lolHey everyone!<br /><br />I nearly gave up even trying to send in some greetings on here because it's been so long. Then I opened my blog e-mail and found a couple of posts of people wishing me well and asking if I'm alive. I thought I would finally have the time to get back to blogging this summer but I thought wrong! My life has taken off and I barely find any time for myself. I really miss reading all your blogs and posting myself too. I would really like to try to post some more this summer but I can never be sure.<br /><br />Right now I am working two jobs, one of them being a new one in a national NGO that I'm very happy for (but it takes a lot of time) and I am also studying full time. On the side I have started getting involved with fundraising for an organization in Nigeria but that is barely just getting started. The point is: I have my hands full. Anyone who knows anything about fundraising? Contact me please :-D I am also trying to transfer to NYU or Columbia in the US, and that is taking all my time.<br /><br />I hope everything is going well in all your lives. Stay blessed and keep blogging, don't get too busy like me, so I have something to read as soon as I have the time.<br /><br />All the best<br /><br /><p><img style="BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-RIGHT: 0px" class="centered" alt="post signature" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" /></p>Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-10993052017973419332010-01-20T10:20:00.002+01:002010-01-20T10:24:48.343+01:00New Year greetingsHello my darlings<br /><br /><br />I miss each and every one of you! Thanks to GNG and Writefreak for checking up on me. I thought I was going to be able to update the blog and all like I said several times the last posts but I haven't been able to. I just have way too much on my plate right now. In my personal life, school, work . Things are not easy. I will be back as soon as I am able to! In the meantime I pray that all of you are doing fine and find success and reach closer to your dreams in this year of 2010. Happy New Year.<br /><br /><br /><p><img class="centered" style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BACKGROUND: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" alt="post signature" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" /></p>Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-46455587858472864802009-11-04T13:55:00.005+01:002010-12-06T10:05:02.341+01:00Inter-cultural marriages and relationshipsHappy new month everyone. I am craving for some personal updating on this blog but I think I will save it for next time.<br />I want to say express my opinion on inter-cultural marriages and relationships. FYI; I use the term to include any relationship between different ethnic groups, belief systems and 'race' although I prefer not to use that word..According to scientists there are no such thing as race, only different versions of HUMANS which have developed as a result of evolution. I want to hear your opinions.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:130%;"><strong>First of all</strong>,</span> I am in an inter-cultural marriage myself. Long story short; the other day at school, I ended up working in a group with what I call a super-christian girl. I got the same old [ignorant] question from her:<br /><br /><strong>"<em>Can I just ask you something? How do you handle the cultural differences?"</em></strong><br /><br />Don't get me wrong. I know she doesn't have any bad intentions with her question. She's very sweet - but in my humble opinion - not very grounded. Neither am I saying that it has something to do with her being christian, but from this part of the world, many of the, what I call "happy-christians" are very lovey-dovey, naive, sweet, but without a clue. She has no idea what the world is like, but wants to be a missionary. Sorry, I don't like the concept of missioning..I have never liked it. Doesn't matter what religion you have, I think it is crucial to respect each other and not force something, wheter subtle or directly, on someone else. I don't think that is the key to development. Whether people have practices that need to be abandoned or not, changing religion is not necessarily the solution, at least not for all. Anyway, I get that question from any one who secretly have a few preconceptions[-judices]. Fair enough. I give them the same answer every time:<br /><br /><em>Since we both have tolerance for each others cultures, since we are both open-minded and want to get the best from both worlds, the only problems we encounter are the regular problems husband and wives may encounter. Problems that may lie in the differences between the genders, rather than culture.<br /><br /></em>Sure, if I was a stuck-up patriotic nationalistic girl (which is impossible since I come from such a mixed background, lol) we would probably be experiencing some culture clashes.<br /><br /><em><strong>But doesn't everyone have to compromise in marriage and relationships anyway?</strong></em><br /><br /><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">Secondly,</span></strong> I've grown up with friends from all over the world. Muslims, hindus, christians, buddhists. Some of them have had huge problems in their life down to the fact that their parents won't accept them being with someone outside of their religion/nationality/ethnicity etc. I know at least 3 girls who have fallen deeply in love with the right man, but he just happened to be white, or just happened to be pakistani while she was Indian, or just happened to be Muslim. They end up torn between their feelings of loyalty towards their family and significant other, and ultimately have to make a choice.<br />`Many of the girls I know, simply can't imagine being with someone from their own nationality. They are just not attracted to them. This includes my bestfriend. Thank God her parents would accept it, although with difficulties. But how about the stories of all these other families who are willing to KILL their daughters for finding a man outside their ethnic group?<br /><br />Personally I think we all need to get over these old ideas. We live in a globalized world, and humans have emigrated and immigrated since the crack of dawn, actually since we all emigrated from Africa ;-) I do understand the other side of things..Sometimes they are due to years of war and conflicts, sometimes for the intent of preserving their nationality and culture etc. but also sometimes out of pure prejudice. Nevertheless - the most important thing to parents should be their son's or daughter's happiness, not the appearance of their partner.<br /><br />Have a nice week everyone!<br /><br /><br /><br /><p><img style="BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-RIGHT: 0px" class="centered" alt="post signature" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" /></p>Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-15474842613862515002009-10-30T12:41:00.002+01:002009-10-30T12:53:31.173+01:00Mr Okreke the village alcoholicMr Okreke has two wives. He stands firmly on the ground in a withered suit. It is as if his eyes are far behind his eyeballs. He's far in there, not really present. But they look kind. A sweet smile pushes away the wrinkles on his cheeks. He is short and has grown a little pot-belly over the years, but according to the rumours he used to be really handsome in his prime-age. He's calmed down a bit now, but has been a heavy drunk for as long as many people can remember. His wives always remained faithfully by his side. When my father-in-law died, my mother-in-law says, that Okreke was the only man to play with her two remaining sons. When everyone else talked crap, Okreke was playing with them. When he wasn't entirely drunk. He'd stagger from side to side and stumble his way forward, maybe fall into the ditch. He'd say: "I'm going to GET you I swear to God! I'll beat the hell out of you" , and point his cain at the boys. They'd laugh because he could never muster the strength to fight back and was just talking empty words. It was as if he knew he could make them laugh in one of the darkest days of their life. Wonder what made him drink in the first place...<br /><br />__________________________________<br />This is a real story I thought I'd bring up. Last night one of my closest friends confessed to me how her mother drinks a bottle of conjac every day. It started when her little sister got a serious form of cancer. She was hospitalized for a year, but miraculously survived. Now that everyone is fine and well, the mother who's kept them together for all those years is the one to take the blow. It hit me - alcoholism is way more common than anyone can imagine. Or any other similar family problem. But we never talk about it and just pretend everything's fine. Everyone thinks their neighbour is better off while in fact every family has their cross to bear.<br /><p><img class="centered" style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BACKGROUND: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" alt="post signature" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" /></p>Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-60341784771791356962009-10-23T13:25:00.002+02:002009-10-23T13:45:39.559+02:00Time to be Thankful!Hello my dears<br />I am really not supposed to even be here right now, in fact I am in the reading hall at university supposedly writing my paper on corruption in Rivers state. But I cannot abandon my blog completely right? I haven't written a thankful post for a long, long time, but it's time that I do.<br /><br />I am thankful and feeling blessed because....<br />1) All You bloggers who faithfully comment on my blog in spite of my absence on your blogs, and all of you who I haven't seen comment in a while I want you all to know that I am thinking of you! Goodnaijagirl, Nana Yaw Asiedu, Posekyere, Maya, Juiceegal, Rose, Standtall, Solomonsydelle, Pink Satin, Undercover07, Blogoratti, Tigeress, Writefreak, Nolimit, Sting, Aloted, Jhazmyn, Olafunke, BNSC, Funms, Tairebabs, YNC, Novisi and of course Enkay and all the rest of you. You are all great people in your own way, inspirational, educational, fascinating...you know!<br /><br />2) I am alive. My family is alive. Yesterday was my husband and I's 4 year marriage anniversary. I know not to take it for granted due to the <a href="http://twotears-inabucket.blogspot.com/2009/09/my-police-brutality-experience.html">recent incident </a>3 months ago. The 1 yr anniversary of my dad's heart attack was two days ago as well, and he is alive and kicking. My friends are all well, and all of you are all well. We are blessed for that!<br /><br />3) I have a job and I get to go to university nearly for free because of the lovely country I live in. I have the opportunity to get the education I want. I have the opportunity to fight for what I want in life.<br /><br />4) For the past 3 months I have had more and more personal revelations, getting to know myself better and better and figuring out more and more what I would really like to do in the future. I am becoming creative again and I am getting back my fighting spirit. I love having goals because they make my life meaningful and drive me forward. I am considering fighting to get a special scholarship for Berkeley. Just having the opportunity to think about that is testimony to how blessed I am. I must use my opportunities to help others.<br /><br />5) I have some great friendships both in Nigeria and here. I love my women. Without the sisterhood we have, what would life be like? Dull, that's what it would be. And too macho that's for sure.<br /><br />6) I might get the chance to go to NYC, London and Tunisia this christmas while hubby goes to Nigeria. That would be cool!<br /><br />7) My girlfriend just did my nails for free and they are looking fly. Black with pink flowers. lol.<br /><br />8) Being back in school makes me feel ALIVE. And KICKING. Life has endless opportunities. And I might get to see Obama in the Peace Prize concert. Awesomeish. That's still a maybe though.<br /><br />9) Safe delivery of my niece and one of my closest friends' sisters' safe delivery.<br /><br />10) Life's lessons. Without hardship there would be nothing like happiness.<br /><br />I really can't think of more as for right now. But I love blogville and without sounding stupid I hope you don't give up on me even though I don't do much commenting anymore. I am not putting it off my to-do list!<br /><br />Have a great weekend everyone.<br /><br /><br /><p><img class="centered" style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BACKGROUND: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" alt="post signature" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" /></p>Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-17368175542469204492009-10-07T13:15:00.002+02:002009-10-07T13:18:25.767+02:00Mama ChristinaWhen staying in the village, the standard morning scenario is always the following:<br />5:30 Cock #1 screams<br />5:31 Cock #2 sings<br />5:32 Cock #3 wails<br />5:33 Cock #4 cries<br /><br />5:35 Mama Christina: Iii-yo! Iii-yo! Iih-yo – LOUDLY<br /><br />5:45 Cock #1 screams<br />5:46 Cock#2 sings<br />etc etc<br />Mama Christina: Iii-yo! Iii-yoh!<br /><br />and on and on....You get the drill..<br /><br />Mama Christina, a permanent inhabitant of the village, is a very special character I’ve had the pleasure to know- According to the villagers, rumour has it she’s “always” been old. She sure is old, only God would know how old because she herself has no idea. First time I went to see her, she was sitting at the back of her house in a fallen-apart sofa from the 40s, close to her fireplace where she usually roasts yam. She was sitting there with an old, washed out head-tie and and wrapper with the longest, sagging flaps of skin that were once used to breastfeed her children. Mama Christina: Chaiiii! She shouts, opening her mouth, biting down on her few remaining, dark brown front teeth over and over again, sticking her tongue out, hitting her chest.Mama Christina: Welo-come! Welo-come! Come well-o! Come well-o! Chai! Chai!She starts dancing, clapping her hands, ee-yo, ee-yo<br /><br />Mama Christina is the first wife of Augustin. Several of her children have managed to die before her. She’s so skinny, it’s a wonder she’s even walking, but the woman can even dance WELL at her age. She barely eats, barely sleeps, but seems to have no problems what so ever bending down roasting her yam or dancing old traditional dances from her days. According to the elders, she used to be the most beautiful woman in the village. But she’s mad. Absolutely mad. And you wouldn’t want to meet her on one of her bad days. She curses the children, grinds her teeth and pees wherever,whenever she wants. But she never dies, and no one seem to think she will ever die. She wasn’t always crazy, it happened when she was around 40 people say, when her husband decided to marry another wife. Since then she’s been down right cray-zee. They say these days are even her better days, that she used to do and say things that are too explicit to write down on this blog. But she absolutely amazes me. She’s so old, never washes, never eats, walks around with short white hair with bits of soap in it, but never gets sick. Her sons used to be wealthy and take care of her, but now, no one in her family cares, so the rest of the villagers drop by her place giving her naira bills and rice or vegetables.<br /> ______<br />Just thought i'd share this special character with you guys.<br />Thank you everyone, so much, for all your replies on my last post. Unfortunately I am not going to be able to reply individually right now – but I’ll come back soon with an update. So frustrating to not have the time I want. I wish all days had 30 hours instead of 24.<br /><br /><br /><p><img class="centered" style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BACKGROUND: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" alt="post signature" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" /></p>Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-63596381757864936712009-09-16T16:34:00.005+02:002009-09-16T17:22:51.507+02:00My police brutality experiencehello darling blogville.<br />Ahhhhhh my life is so busy I don't even know how to think peacefully anymore.<br />Apologies for coming "back" but actually just disappearing again.<br />I miss reading all the blogs, I miss blogging, I miss getting the responses. The thing is, since I got back from Nigeria my life has changed. I've started university AND I'm still working. Plus a number of private issues. In short, I am extremely busy. It's taken some time for me to just get my head above the water (at least I think I'm there now) so i am hoping that now I can stop by at least once a week to begin with but I hope 2-3 times a week as soon as I get the hang of this.<br />Today I won't have the chance to read up but everyone <span style="font-size:180%;">thank you</span> sooo much for your welcome back wishes. I have to write this in the last 20 mins I have left at work.<br /><br />Okay, over to Naija...<br />We arrived mid-July in Lagos. I had the chance to meet up with my dear Enkay who is absolutely gorgeous of course :-) and super sweet. She helped us out with a bunch of things.<br />From Lagos we quickly went to the village. Our goal (If I haven't menitoned it before) was to finish up the house we've been building. Anyone who's been involved with that knows what a HASSLE it is. We just wanted to get it off our back so my MIL can finally have a nice and safe place to stay..she's been staying in Onitsha which is just hell on earth and we want her to retire and live the sweet life..she done suffer enough.<br />We arrived at the house, it looked beautiful, but was full of half naked men (workers). We had no doors on any of the toilets and we didn't get any before after 2 weeks. My MIL and I were the only women in the house and 10 men walking around all the time working. I got my fair share of testosterone, lol. But it was ok. We worked hard all those days, cleaned the yard from all the bricks and waste from the building, painted the walls, helped with the tiling etc. We were disappointed upon arrival because the guy in charge had told us that it was a lot more finalized than that! We'd been pushing him and pushing him and turns out he was cheating us anyway. But that's another story I'll get back to another day. The worst part of it all was that we had to travel to Onitsha to get construction materials, doors, etc.<br /><br /><br />One of the days we got caught up in go-slow (surprise surprise) and just got stuck on the highway. I was on the phone with my mother. Suddenly I heard gun shots. I hung up the phone to see what was going on. A man ran towards our car, passed us on the left and disappeared. A second later a car drove up towards us and stopped right in front of us. Out fell a man. Blood everywhere. The police came shouting and screaming and the man was crying and everyone else was screaming. they'd managed to shoot him (the driver of the car) with this pump action gun and blown nearly all the bottom part of his leg. It looked awful. We got away as soon as we could, but turned out the guy wascompletely innocent. The stupid police had just shot him because he didn't hear it when they told him to stop! From that day, I started getting a bit more shaky whenever the police stopped us. And let me tell you, they did EVERY day, EVERY chance they got. Jeez, their road blocks were sometimes located every 100 yards! Mad men.<br /><br />Fast forward<br /><br />We're on our way from the village to Abuja to pick up my parents from the airport. We leave 6:30 am in the morning to make sure we travel while it's safe. We had planned to get a driver (and we really wanted to bring our car to Abj, but didn't want to leave the car with a driver we didn't know) but because of a number of mishappenings, we were stuck alone. I told my hubby I'm sure we could do it. We were supposed to cross Onitsha and meet up with someone we knew in Asaba. We had my MIL with us together with one of the workers, but they dropped at the beginning of Onitsha. We only had to get through Onitsha on our own. My hubby knew the way and it wasn't supposed to be a problem that early on a Saturday as long as we don't stop.<br /><br />We reached a police road block and with their grumpy faces they first asked for the documents, driving licence, to look inside the trunk. My hubby got out and showed them the boot.<br /><em><strong>"Ok, let me see the engine compartment"</strong></em> the policeman said. I shook my head inside the car. These policemen! Always looking to fuck you up!<br />My hubby said ok, fine I'll show you but you'll find nothing there, and opened up the lid.<br /><strong><em>"Where's the engine number"</em></strong> the police man said angrily.<br />Hubby said, well this is a new car there is no such thing as an engine number its only the chassisnumber of the car which you can find here.<br />The man was looking for something to catch us for and was clearly unhappy he hadn't found anything to arrest us for. They wanted blood that day.<br />They continued studying the documents (which I am SURE they couldn't even READ)..idiots of no comparison..<br /><strong>"Well, in short, your glasses are tinted. Where is your tinted-permit?!"</strong><br />Hubby: Tinted permit? every police man we meet is talking about this but as you can SEE *showing him the windows* our windows are not tinted, you can see everything and everyone inside the car.<br />the policeman laughed in an evil way and talked loudly to his policefriends <strong><em>"This guy ey, he think he go just cheat us like this? Hahaha. Who are you this kind big man you travel without documents"</em></strong><br />hubby was getting frustrated but kept his cool<br />"Come on Mr police officer you see I am just carrying my wife we are going to the Abuja airport and you know the roads are not safe. Can you please allow us to go?"<br /><strong><em>"HEY. You are a nigerian. YOU know how things work here. YOU are coming to the police station and we are seizing the car"</em></strong><br />Hubby: Come on police officer please I don't have time to waste you know we can't go there. I am so scared and stressed right now because we really need to get going and you know everything is ok with our documents<br /><br />Blah, blah, blah. In short, another junior policeman entered the back seat of our car with his AK-47. He was sweaty and had this angry expression on his face, the one all police and military men put on to intimidate you and let you know they're superior.<br /><br />Policeman: GO<br />Hubby: Come on man, please, can't we just settle here, what do you want? We can't go to the police station<br />Policeman: No I have orders, You are going to the police station<br />Hubby and I: Come on man police are always giving us so much trouble. Why? We are only on holiday and it's like you guys don't even want us to come. You know we haven't done anything wrong why can't we just settle you here and now what do you want from us<br />Policeman with a louder, more assertive voice: WE ARE GOING TO THE STATION NOW.<br />Hubby: OK! fine, fine. Where do you want me to drive?<br />Policeman: Go straight<br />We drove down the road. I was feeling nervous because this man was so agitated.<br />I turned around completely to the police officer and started talking to him in a respectful manner, explaining to him that my hubby was just stressed, that if he could please let us go we could give him something to settle him, that my hubby is worried about driving on that road etc. He smiled at me in a condescending way and started lecturing me on how we should behave towards him, that he has a gun.<br />My hubby whispered to me that maybe we should call the embassy for help. He grew up in Onitsha and have seen awful things there before. I said that he should wait. He grabbed his phone and the policeman grabbed it out of his hands.<br />Hubby was sweating and I could almost see his heart beating outside his T-shirt.He was freneticly thinking what to do.<br />Hubby: Come on man you have to let us go lets settle<br />Policeman immediately got very agitated and screamed loudly YOU GO STRAIGHT DOWN RIGHT NOW OR I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF!<br />hubby was getting upset. "what do you mean man, what have we done wrong?"<br />Policeman: YOU WANT TO KIDNAP ME? I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL SHOOT YOU MYSELF RIGHT NOW, RIGHT HERE!<br />Hubby: You want to kill me in front of my wife? in my home country? while we're on holiday? is that what you want?<br />My hubby had kept his cool for so long ,watching them talk down to me, listening to them humiliating us and commanding us for so long he was getting agitated.<br />Policeman: I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL RIGHT NOW. He grabbed his AK and started loading it. Put his finger on the trigger. He pointed it to the back of his head while we were still driving on the crazy roads of Onitsha.<br /><br />I didn't think at all, I just acted. It was a reflex. I grabbed the edge of the barrel or whatever you call it. I don't know. I dragged it away from my husbands head and pointed it towards the ceiling. Oh I didn't mention I had been crying and begging earlier to make the man stop being so angry. The man just went apeshit on us. He started fighting me over the gun, inside the car while we were driving. I cried stop, stop, stop please please stop! He was fighting to point it back on him and his finger was still on the trigger. This probably happened in the course of 10-30 seconds but it felt like forever. We batteled back and forth and the car was swinging from side to side. He finally won but got thrown backwards so he couldn't put the gun close to his head again, only aim from the corner of the backseat. Again I acted in reflex and got out of my seat and stood up against/leaned on the drivers seat to make sure I covered my husbands head and body. I knew he wouldn't shoot me. He didn't have the guts. The man reached over my stomach and grabbed the steering wheel while we were driving. He started turning it. This was in the main street of Onitsha so the traffic was crazy as it is. We finally got under the head bridge, crashed with the car in front of us and there was about 10 policemen standing there. My husband winded down the window immediately screaming for help.<br />I was shaking and crying. I didn't not get away from his seat until the police man was outside the car again. Now followed more than an hour of negotiations.<br /><br />Thank GOD for the people there who noticed it all. A massive crowd gathered and was shocked by the sight seeing that we were obviously 'foreigners' most especially me, and I was bleeding everywhere crying. The battle with the man had lead to multiple bruises and cutwounds on my body. Thankfully due to several contacts in combination with all the people in the area, they allowed us to go. But I just CANNOT believe them. In the crowd of 10 policemen they were divided in half, half of them supported us and said they should allow us to go, then the other bastards were looking for some kind of blood revenge. I don't freaking understand till this day...<br />I got out of the car but was commanded to stay inside. I overheard one of the policemen saying "Come on, lets just kill him and throw him in the gutter.. they can't do anything and she'll just go back home"<br /><br />I mean, excuse you! What the hell is going on?<br />We reached Abuja in one piece in the afternoon, allthough a bit later in the day. Needless to say we were stopped by the police at least 20 more times but whenever they saw my bruises they just let us go.<br />I've never experienced such a thing in Nigeria before. I don't know what was up. We'll never use our car travelling in the east again, most especially Onitsha. If I ever cross that city again it will be through air or ABC-transport. It took us about 3 days to get our heartrate back to normal. I am telling you, it was so close. So close. I shiver just thinking about it and we are still in shock allthough this happened soon 2 months ago.<br /><br />It leads to me wondering what in the world leads to such greed and brutality. Next time going I will really reconsider. So much for the rebranding of Nigeria.... The police that is actually supposed to protect are the ones we have to fear the most?<br /><br /><br />Okay people this was the short version of the story I hinted about in my other entry..at least I think I did. I will be back soon to check on your blogs. Have to run and catch the bus!<br /><br />Lots of love! Miss ya'll :-)<br /><br /><br /><p><img class="centered" style="BORDER-RIGHT: 0px; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BACKGROUND: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px" alt="post signature" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" /></p>Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com39tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1423779707230156311.post-14558834357768965852009-08-18T18:39:00.002+02:002009-08-18T18:44:51.757+02:00Back to a busy, changed life!Hello my darlings!<br />I've missed you all!<br />First of all, thanks for every comment ya'll sent while I was gone.<br /><br />I just got back not more than a week ago to a fundamentally different life.<br />I started university the morning after the night I got home. Since then it's been a lot of new things to get into, while at the same time still working. Ive missed blogville and feel like I'm completely off now since I haven't read anyones blog while I was away. Anyone want to update me? Any big changes or new blog babies since I was away?<br />Nigeria was everything you can imagine, good and bad. I had some terrible experiences this time that is making me thank God I still have my life. But I had wonderful times as well. Will get back to everything in my next post. Hope everyone is fine! Give me some time and I'll slowly get into everything again, even though I doubt I'll have as much time as before. Lots of love.<br /><br /><p><img style="BORDER-BOTTOM: 0px; BORDER-LEFT: 0px; BACKGROUND: none transparent scroll repeat 0% 0%; BORDER-TOP: 0px; BORDER-RIGHT: 0px" class="centered" alt="post signature" src="http://signatures.mylivesignature.com/54487/157/C5842FFC15FE6624ECAB45AB94DEFD6C.png" /></p>Adaezehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18005977710433435845noreply@blogger.com30