'I AM A MARRIED WOMAN O!'

>> Monday, June 8, 2009

Abuja, one sunny afternoon, we are rushing to see a family friend. He has decided to donate to us his schedule's only loophole. Busy businessman. We are driving with another friend in the backseat.
It's 2006, the authorities have yet to install traffic lights all over the city. It is still quite a new thing, unfamiliar to many and only in place at a few crossroads.

We reach the crossroad, and the light goes red. We stop, and all the cars and okadas behind and around us keep their fast speed racing forward.
Curiously we look at each other, wondering why no one else is stopping, and look back on the light. Yes, it is red.

*Bang*

Surprised, we look to the backseat and there sits two huge yellow-fever women (traffic police with orange uniform), shirts bulging due to huge boobies with tight leather belts holding in their belle, sweaty foreheads under the authoritative police-caps and mean big eyes, staring strongly as if they could soon fall out of their skulls.

We were still wondering where the hell they came from.

Yellowfever 1, with a fierce voice: SIR You have violated the law o! You beat the traffic light!

Hubby: What have we done? We didn't do anything? Why are you inside our car?

Yellowfever 1 & 2 screaming: You BEAT THE TRAFFIC LIGHT! AND WE WILL SIT ANYWHERE WE PLEASE!

Hubby: No, look ? It is red. We stopped at the red light, what have we done wrong? I think hubby quickly realised that this was not the tone to use with these "women" .

Yellowfever 2 with a loud voice: You wan cause trouble now? I SAID YOU BEAT THE TRAFFIC LIGHT!

Hubby: But.....................

Yellow fever 1 & 2 shouting simultaneously: THIS IS A SERIOUS TRAFFIC OFFENCE O! WE ARE TAKING YOU TO THE POLICE STATION. NOW DRIVE!

Hubby: Please, someone is waiting for us and we are rushing to go somewhere. Can you please let us go? How much do you want?

The next 5 seconds goes in slow motion. Yellowfever 1 backs up in the seat, tilts her head backwards and eyes outwards, condemningly in a 'No, you did'ent!'- kinda way:
I AM A MARRIED WOMAN O! WHO ARE YOU TO TALK TO ME LIKE THAT? MSCHEEEEW! YOU THINK YOU CAN BUY ME?! YOU CAN'T BUY ME WITH MONEY O!

She halfway sits up, sits down again, shakes and shivers as if she is one second away from giving him a serious blow, signalising that she's so furious she can't sit still. At this point I feel highly tempted to interfere. The car is rocking due to her high weight and rapid movements.

Me: Look, PLEASE, what do you want from us? can you please just leave us alone? Anything you want us to give you we can give you just please get out of the car leave us alone? You know we didn't do anything wrong.

Yellowfever 2: YOU? YOU! SHUT UP WOMAN! The car rocks again.

Hubby, trying hard to restrain himself: Ok... he sighs. What do you want then? Please we don't want to go to the police station. I am sure we can resolve this here, please calm down.

Yellowfever 1, still shaking and pushing on our poor friend in the backseat:
YOU WANT ME TO CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN? I AM A MARRIED WOMAN O! YOU NO GO MESS WITH ME O!

We all turn silent in frustration.

Yellowfever 2: COME ON! GO! DRIVE TO THE POLICE STATION, WE WILL DEAL WITH YOU THERE, she points.

Hubby is now resigned. Mike (our friend) is in the backseat is furious. He leans forward and whispers: 'Let me deal with them!' Hubby quickly tells him no, lets all calm down now..
He starts driving down the other street as if to go to the police station as instructed. He realises how unjust this really is and pulls over instead.

Hubby: Look, can we please find some kind of solution here? We really need to get going.

Yellowfever 2 looks down on us with attitude as if we are nothing and gives out a big mscheeeew and rolls her eyes.
Yellowfever 1: Ok, give me 3000 naira, she says, stretching out her open hand, looking the opposite way out the window while rolling her eyes, as if it is the most natural thing after telling us she could not be bought. We put the money in her hand. They take a deep breath to gather enough strength for the chore of waking up from the seats, gets out and smash the doors hard.


Phew..

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26 comments:

simeone June 8, 2009 at 2:29 PM  

i can imagine...those guys jump into ur car at the slightest chance they get..
ur hasband is a cool guy o..
given the fact that there were 2 men there..i thot u sld have given them a real.."fight"..:)..but you guys were running late...
cheers

posekyere June 8, 2009 at 2:57 PM  

Yeah, Adaeze.
Such a trage-comedy!
I always get extremely furious when such brutish injustices are thrown at me.
I guess you guys were pretty level-headed. At the police station, those two devils will have booked you all in and roughed you up big time.After all it is your word against theirs. And they win inevitably.
But I also realise that because they bully people into paying up willy nilly, the next person to to resist them will be treated like a pariah.
How do we deal with such cancers in our society?

BSNC June 8, 2009 at 3:04 PM  

Can you imagine and to think you guyz were to only ones that stopped at the red light.

Only in naija..

Kwegyirba Aggrey-Orleans June 8, 2009 at 3:59 PM  

Ok, I get it... Red is green in Abuja! Lol. I can almost feel your frustration. Good thing you can laugh about it now.

Kwegyirba Aggrey-Orleans June 8, 2009 at 3:59 PM  

Ok, I get it... Red is green in Abuja! Lol. I can almost feel your frustration. Good thing you can laugh about it now.

pink-satin June 8, 2009 at 4:30 PM  

only in nigeria!!really!!

blogoratti June 8, 2009 at 4:43 PM  

lol@ Red is green in Abuja,hehe!
At least you survived the whole ordeal. Crazy story no doubt*

Nana Yaw Asiedu June 8, 2009 at 6:14 PM  

They try to sit in your car too, here in Ghana. But to be arrested for stopping at the red is a first! Wow.

leggy June 8, 2009 at 7:58 PM  

na so the married woman story end?!lol.they for stay now...lol.

Omo Oba June 8, 2009 at 8:03 PM  

lol! great narration Adaeze! I am a married woman o!!! lol, like marriage forstalls anyone from bribery and corruption. But...how exactly did they get into the car? they actually opened the back car doors? what am i even saying? anything is possible in Nigeria.

juiceegal June 8, 2009 at 9:39 PM  

No1: What does the fact that she is a married woman have to do with the matter at hand.

No2: You guys were not the only ones that beat the traffic light so y d noise

No3: So much for "u cnt buy me" so in d end she is worth only 3000 naira abi,cheap skate oshi.............mcheeeeeeeeew

sting,  June 8, 2009 at 9:59 PM  

People do a lot of crazy stuff in nigeria for real. Until the day they enter a crtazy person's car.

Lolia June 8, 2009 at 10:58 PM  

Ah ah imagine nonsense and ingredient...what does being a married woman have to do with anything now? Haha she is a kidding kind of somebody: "You think you can buy me"
In fact I don't even know again!

Hope you got to see your family friend on time and that you had a great time :)

novisi June 8, 2009 at 11:02 PM  

abuja drama!

naija!

hahahahaahaha!

just plain nonsense!

Adaeze June 9, 2009 at 1:04 PM  

@ Simeone - Haha yeah he played it cool then but he later let me know that if it wasn't for my presence he'd be a lot meaner!

@ Posekyere - Yeah we kind of had to. But I was really furious! My heart was beating fast.. Our fam friend later told us that we should have just gone to the police station that the deputy would just told the women off and told us to go because of how we 'look'. Good for us but overall sad really, why should there be different rules for different people and let alone fake rules. This is just corruption..I think we need to battle it like corruption.

@ BSNC - I know..still pisses me off.

@ Kwegyirba - Yes, apparently, red is green! I have difficulties memorizing that.

@ Pink Satin - Haha only in Nigeria.. :-D

@ Blogoratti - Yeah...ahh I was so angry at that woman!

@ Nana - I know. Man, I find it so rude they could just sit down in our car without even letting us know they were around first. Crazy.

@ Leggy - hahaha :-P

@ Omo Oba - I know!! That's what I asked my hubby afterwards, WTF does being married have to do with it..silly woman. How they got in the car? Well, we just heard a smash and there they were. we never saw them coming or anything, suddenly they were just sitting in the backseat. Wild, lol.

@ Juiceegal - I know..they annoyed me in so many ways...esp. her goofy look in the end when asking for money after all. Liar...

@ Sting - True! I feel sorry for them then...

@ Lolia - lol yeah we got there...a little late but it went fine. I still do not understand what being married has to do with it.

@ Novisi - I'm glad I could make you laugh. You actually made me laugh about it now lol

Gochi June 9, 2009 at 1:49 PM  

Oh no they didn't, how silly.
It’s like they don't give them any training whatsoever.

Naija trying to improve its traffic regulations but forget to train staff as well.

Although i know that those ladies just wanted a quick buck, how typical that people still get extorted however way possible

*double hiss*

StandTall-The Activist June 9, 2009 at 3:02 PM  

What has being a married woman got to do with anything mscheeew.

And you have them that much money? I am upset. These people are so unserious!

Tairebabs June 9, 2009 at 3:05 PM  

LMAO!!! See the way she kept announcing "I am a married woman o!" as though that had anything to do with it. It is sad that even the female yellow fever do these things. I always assumed the females never accept bribes. I don't know why I always had that assumption (biased as it may be).

justdoyin June 9, 2009 at 3:39 PM  

how annoying - arresting u for doing the right thing? u shouldn't have given them anything...they are so, so, ....mschew!

Good Naija Girl June 10, 2009 at 4:19 AM  

How crazy is that! So they just opened the door and hopped in? Only in Nigeria, I tell you — can you imagine that happening in Europe?

That reminds me of the man at customs in Lagos that was giving us a hard time in the airport back in November. So we ask him how much he wants and he tells us that it's not about the money and when we ask what it is about, he can't speak! Nonsense!

archiwiz June 10, 2009 at 8:44 AM  

This is why I will probably carry a handgun in my car the next time I drive in Nigeria. I'll haul her behind to my personal police station and see how she'll explain herself. Nonsense and illiteracy pervading all aspects of Nigerian law enforcement agencies.

Adaeze June 11, 2009 at 11:15 AM  

@ Stamdtall - lol yeah we gave them..we just wanted to get away!

@ Tairebabs - they were so mean! I am a feminist and always want to support my fellow women but these ones I really started hatin more than the male ones...they were SO mean!

@ Justdoyin - I guess...But we were fed up. Just wanted to get away. The whole incident lasted a bit longer than I wrote on here.

@ GNG - No, that would never happen in Europe, lol. It's so annoying when the corrupt PRETEND theyre not corrupt!

@ Archiwiz - lol you are not to be messed with huh?

tobenna June 12, 2009 at 10:30 AM  

See chop money..
Interesting but not unusual story.
I thought they were afraid of everyone in ABJ.
I love this country

Cidersweet June 13, 2009 at 1:04 PM  

KAI!! That is SO annoying. So annoying! So annoying!! Ha-ah!

Cidersweet June 13, 2009 at 1:04 PM  

KAI!! That is SO annoying. So annoying! So annoying!! Ha-ah!

jhazmyn June 16, 2009 at 4:00 PM  

just saw this post and i', laffin like crazy....3,000 WHAT!!!!! those guys dont get jack from me, and the only time i conceeded to give them something to get off my back all they got was a lousy 1,000, and even that was like so hard for me to give them....mchewwww

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