My brother the charming iron man - Confession's week

I wasn't planning on putting up any post today but I got quite a bit emotional and just felt like I had to write this stuff down...
I read all of your comments on my last post and I really appreciate them all. After reading them I was more convinced to not go, but I had actually told them I was going to come so I wanted to go anyway. However waking up today, I really don't want to go.
I would love to meet his girlfriend and other sister, but with him, it's all going to be really awkward and uncomfortable.
I was so touched by Scribble's post about his sister and being a big brother and all. I am not a fan of wishing for what we cannot have and always thinking the grass is greener and all, but Do I wish I had a brother like that!
Suddenly as I sat here at work, two memories, two positive memories came back to me, about my brother. I get filled with sadness thinking about them because it feels like...loss. It feels like I almost had that brother but he's gone now..

The first memory is from when I was around 6-7 years old. My family and I were on a little camping holiday. My mother was outside to go to the toilet late in the night and there was this terrible storm and thunder. Suddenly, the lightning struck down very close to us and all the lights went off and a tree fell down. I was so scared for my mother that I started crying. My dad went to look for her, and my brother HELD me and comforted me. Aww. It felt so safe and secure. A feeling I've never had again in my life, because my father was never like that with me and neither has my brother since that day.

The second memory was from when I was around 13 and visited him in Poland - he was doing his med studies there. For the first time we were alone together, and he took me out to a cafè. We started talking serious for the first time and he asked me how things were at home. Because he knew how it could be. I told him the truth about how my dad would sometimes get and that I felt terrible staying there sometimes, that he had hit me. He said that soon he was going to come home, that I needn't worry, that I could just come to his place if things were getting really bad, just to blow off steam and relax. Needless to say he never did come back and he never got in touch with me again till I was 17-18. That was the time he told me to get on medicines.

I wonder what got into him those two times, those two times he was actually proud be my brother, not just patronizing me at every chance he got, not just ridiculing me in front of every one.

If I was to go today, he would outshine everyone else. He is that kind of person. Therefore I would get no chance to talk to the other women around. So I just texted him that I am not going to come, But I wished him a wonderful birthday and told him to have lots of fun with everyone, that I wish I could have got him something but didn't know what...

I can totally see what other people see in him. He's super charming and have had plenty of girls falling head over heels in love with him. He's very smart and witty. He's cool. I don't know if he hates me because I am my father's daughter. I don't know. He doesn't hate me but it's clear that he is very bitter. He is never that charming sweet guy around me. He always just talks down to me and ignores my presence quite passive aggressivly. He always talks over my head. He always interrupts and he's never ever interested in anything concerning me and my life. When I lost a huge chunk of my finger, him being a doctor, he came over to my place. I was in terrible pain, drugged on pain killers that still didn't work. He made the whole thing sound so trivial and said he'd also cut his fingers before that he knew its mad painful. I DIDN'T CUT MY FINGER I LOST HALF OF IT.. I was twisting and turning in pain that day ( it was just the day after I think ) and he actually had a smirk on his face asking me "It's not that painful is it?" like I was exaggerating.

Ohhhhhhhhhh how do I get over this?
Is it natural that I care this much? I don't know why I care so much . Why am I worrying myself over this while he doesn't even donate one thought for me in a month...

Well brother this is for you... I wish you a happy birthday. I hope you live happily with your girlfriend. I wish the birth of your child in July will change your life forever and give you happiness. I wish you the best of luck. I wish you will care about me one day. We share the same loving mother. She's crying over the fact that you don't care. Why don't you even care about that? If not me, then at least give her your care. Call her sometimes, meet her sometimes. She's growing older and she's missing you. She's sorry for whatever it is my father put you through. So am I, but I am not him. You are my only brother and nothing can change that. Don't forget what I have gone through too. I am your little sister, why do I feel like you try to ignore that fact? Why didn't you protect me when my father didn't? You just ran away and I ended up in lots of trouble. Trouble that made me shed tears, face nightmares and grow more experienced than even you. You knew I would be in trouble, but you didn't come for me? No matter what it is, I forgive you. I hope you can overcome whatever it is that is making you keep away from me. Happy birthday brother. I love you no matter what.