Lies and deceit

>> Tuesday, May 19, 2009

You all must be thinking that I am on a really positive note these days.. this week it's lies, last week it was greed, lol.
I am very sorry for not posting last week even though I said I would. Everything is so busy! And now that I have my other blog as well. Either way, I got to fix up both my blogs - how do you like it?

I went to a concert on Friday - Brandy. Weee! It was off the heezy/shizzle/hook/chain or whatever.. I have been a fan of Brandy since I was little - she's a few years older than me but I remember always listening to her growing up in my teens...and watching Moesha! I have all her cds and she's one of the artists I've never stopped liking. She was really good live! I was wondering about that prior to the concert but it turned out really good. Besides, its so much better with a smaller, intimate concert where the focus is on the music not on a million 21st century stage effects.

Nuff about that. I wanted to talk about lies and deceit.
The lengths people are willing to go when it comes to lying, never ceases to amaze me. What the heck is going on with the world these days?
Sorry to say some a lot of Nigerian guys abroad deserves winning medals for deceit.
Yeah yeah people all over the world lie just the same I guess my eyes are just zooming in on them right now because of things I've seen happening lately..

For one most of these guys are showing off like crazy when going back to Naija. The truth is pleeeenty of them have been involved in really dirty business. Caught by the police and marrying women ignorant of all their wrong-doings. That's how they get their permissions to stay. Often they will tell this woman that they should go to his "home-country", take her to Lagos and pay some people to act as his family and let her go home. I have my own talk about these women cuz most of them are really stupid too so in some ways I guess they deserve each other but this post is for the men, at least for now.
Now hear this new story. This is one of my hubby's ex-friends. He is really known among Nigerians here, everyone knows him. Big talker. Big flaunter. Talk about arrogance.
The first time I ever met him about 5 years ago I hated him from first glance. Ok scratch that, I don't hate. But I really didn't like him. The first thing he did was eye me up and down and say "woooow I like that DRESS O!" while I was standing there with my then-boyfriend now husband. He was nearly drooling. Compose yourself man!

Anyway, he was always claiming to be part of the special crew - the long-timers, the guys who have stayed here the longest and therefore have the most respect. He was too good to make friends with hubby. I was glad.
He is the kind of guy who never stops talking and always talks about himself. His latest achievements, his latest gadgets and clothes, his new car, new house ETC ETC. Mind you these are all lies by the way.
He also lied about where he'd been and how he got here. To one person he said he lived in Canada for 10 years before coming here, another one he told Germany. He told hubby he worked as a stand-up comedian in Canada? WTF? Lol.
The truth about this dude is that he ran away to Thailand. There he met a Norwegian woman. A vstupid one, because she married the guy. Fast-forward 8 years they are still together, living here. In a house. Sponsored by her parents.
oH Yeah, my hubby also made friends with him. Once he "fitted" I guess. I kept my silence. Needless to say they are no-longer friends because he stole from us. But that's another story.

When they were friends, we'd get invited to different functions at his house. He fathered 2 children with this woman and one of the functions was his smallest one's birthday. Ehem.. Fathered? Did I use that word? I wouldn't call him a father because the only time he is home is when he is hosting a party. Other than that he is either in Nigeria or China or downtown at a bar or a club. I started wondering about this woman. Why would she have children with a man that doesn't deserve being called a man? Who doesn't contribute with anything what so ever other than his loud obnoxious voice? Lol, do you sense some bitterness here? No worries, I am not bitter at all. Just telling a story..
Moving on, he then had a third child. While this woman is straight out of labour coming home trying to get some rest he go pick the phone and start calling people - screaming. The guy is lacking anything resembling social antennas. We went to the baptism of the child and what does he do? He invites her Norwegian family and every Nigerian he can think of. He separates them and keeps the Nigerians in the kitchen and put 40 + bottles of hard liqour on the table. For a baptism. In broad daylight.
Anyway I am just rambling here sharing stories what I am trying to get at is the latest news on this guy (some news that really doesn't surprise me) He recently invited all his Nigerian friends here, whom also know his wife, to his wedding in Nigeria. You heard me. Wedding in Nigeria.
Not getting it? To a Nigerian woman. A second wife. In all secrecy. With 3 poor daughters here longing for his attention. God forbid evil thing.. And I am wondering what this woman here is really smokin not understanding that something wrong is up. My hubby said he wish he had pictures so he could give to the govt. here and give him what's coming...

This leads to me asking myself a question I guess I should just stop asking myself..
- Why do people lie these kind of grotesque, greedy, deceiving lies? Do they have no conscience, no shame?

I do believe everyone lies "small" lies all the time but who taught them to deceive people to such an extent without a single feeling like remorse?

I guess a lot of people aren't like me. Apparently. But what pisses me off about this is that they bring children into the equation. I didn't even mention that. How many people father children into a relationship completely loveless. They are everywhere. These children are the future of the world. And they will be what you want them to be. This goes out to all the women too. I see myself as quite an empathic person, able to put myself in other peoples shoes, but this one is beyond me. I realise a lot of men have some strange perception that if they have a child with a white woman, they have to have one with a black woman preferrably from their own country, but I think this is so backward. A child is a child, no matter what! A blessing that deserves your unconditional love. Some of these mothers are quite silly and actually think the guy is going to stay with them when they have a child, but the guys very oftn have dirty intentions from the get-go. When they get a child they can divorce the woman and still get their stay. I hate it when people use children as a mean to get to their selfish goals. They should be off-limits..
You think I am demanding too high standards? If so let it be.. It's time people demanded some higher standards so we can stop having all these unhappy kids around feeling unloved and unwanted going out prostituting themselves or committing crimes..
The only thing that comforts me is that I know karma works. What goes around comes around. One day that guy is going to see wahala. Big one. Lol.

Alright I promise next post I will be back to my old, positive self. Be sure to check out my other blog! I am also doing a thankful post I believe Aloted challenged me on.
Lots of love




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23 comments:

Tigeress May 19, 2009 at 4:51 PM  

have to come back and read. :) loooong.

Adaeze May 19, 2009 at 4:56 PM  

HEY this one isn't long. Lol. I thought I kept it short this time? no? *scrolls up to check*

Good Naija Girl May 19, 2009 at 7:20 PM  

Oh Adaeze. I don't even want to start commenting on this because I won't stop.

When I hear stories like me my blood just boils. I feel awful for his Norwegian "wife" and her 3 children. She is completely unaware of this and no one will tell her? Has anybody tried to tell her?

I hope she finds out and decides that she is better off without him. I mean goodness: will he bring his new wife abroad and live with her and just cut off his first wife and children? I'm sure that's the plan, and he'll only go to her when he needs something. Or maybe he won't be able to bring her abroad because his second marriage won't be legal in Norway? He'll probably change his name or something. Gosh!

First wife should not have to go through that rejection (though it sounds like he had been finding plenty of ways to reject her and his children since the beginning).

And yes, the number of Nigerian men here doing very shady things is higher than the average person would think. I'm not saying this means all successful Nigerian men in Canada are up to no good, or wicked to the core, but some really do start to believe that their dishonest, fraudulent and uncaring acts are justified when they never are in my opinion.

It's things like that that make me fear marrying. All I can do is pray that I will not meet a deceiver.

Nana Yaw Asiedu May 19, 2009 at 7:28 PM  

Yes, the number of people who are keeping up appearances is really high everywhere, and I mean everywhere. I guess peeps just have to be on their guard all the time.

I am sorry for the poor Norwegian woman, but her man's karma is coming so him surely.

Funms-the rebirth May 19, 2009 at 8:04 PM  

i feel so sorry for the Norwegian woman and her kids.,.....its so sad she has no clue..... gosh she deserves better
as per the dude, there r so many of him around, Karma is real and he will surely get what he deserves....
I pray everyday to meet someone that will not deceive me or lie to me

Abena May 19, 2009 at 8:32 PM  

This is really sad but alas it happens everywhere. My office-mate just told me a similar story involving a Ghana-man who was married and convinced his wife to pretend to be his sister so he could marry an older European woman who visited Ghana regularly. She played along and to had to put up with spending time with her husband's new wife and talking about her "brother". Eventually, her husband went to visit his new wife in Europe and has not been heard of since. She now has 2 children she has to raise on her own while her husband has probably moved on to another lady in Europe possibly even Ghanaian!!

simeone May 19, 2009 at 8:39 PM  

it's really sad but thats the world we live in..and and you are not asking for "any too high" standards o,,

juiceegal May 19, 2009 at 11:16 PM  

This kind of thing happens everywhere..i can bet u the norwegian woman knows but is choosin to turn a blind eye.
People are so wicked,that guy is such a coward and he would definitely pay for all what he is doing,thats the thing about all these men,they think they are so smart and that nothin wld come out of their actions,little do they know *shakes head*

chayoma May 20, 2009 at 3:09 AM  

Haa this one pass me!
He will surely get what he deserves one day!

Tigeress May 20, 2009 at 3:41 AM  

hhhhhaaaaa very good i was 1st. :)

Mehn this story pass me o! This guy is such an evil evil guy. I just really feel sorry for the 1st wife.

Rose May 20, 2009 at 9:42 AM  

To say the least...That is qiute deceitful...Hopefully,he gets what he rightfully deserves...and Soon...What goes around surely comes around...

Adaeze May 20, 2009 at 3:45 PM  

@GNG - My blood boils too! No one will tell her no.. I was considering but I find it out of my place since I do not even known her, we've only greeted...I agree, fruadulent and uncaring acts are never justified in my opinion either...*Sigh*

@ Nana - Amen...I guess peeps just have to be on their guard yes but what kind of world be that...Neurotic crazy peeps! lol
We all need to relax sometimes.

@ Funms - I know..its crazy. I am sure you would recognize a deceiving person so it may never happen to you.

@ Abena - Ah that story is awful as well. I know a man here who did somewhat the same thing. he is now on wife number 5 I believe, he has 4 kids with 3 different women. The Nigerian child had never met him until her mother died - then he brought her here.

@ Simeone - Thank you..

@ Juiceegal - Sure, she knows somethings smelling fishy..But I dont think she would ever think he'd actually get MARRIED with someone else..Gah..

@ Chayoma - I sure hope he does!

@ Tigeress - I feel sorry for her too...imagine giving your life to someone like that. Oh no..

@ Rose - He will get it.. I know it..

Cidersweet May 20, 2009 at 9:54 PM  

I hope you're right about him getting his own back, plus jara.

I wish the young boy (in the true life story on your other blog) found the strength to cope with his Mum and Dad's absence. Though you do so well in telling his story, I cannot imagine how much pain and confusion he was facing. I believe he triumphed over it tho, I just have that feeling. I'll check back.
Thanks.

Omo Oba May 21, 2009 at 1:28 AM  

You are obviously incensed about this issue. lol, yea, in broad day light huh? I liked the line, "big talker. Big flaunter. Talk about arrogance." That just captured the essence of the guy. I know his type very well, they are also very plenty in the US. One thing I have come to learn is that some people are born without any sense of right or wrong. And so something may be hurting you really badly but for another person, it is no big deal.

Nana Yaw Asiedu May 21, 2009 at 9:54 AM  

Ada, I agree that we must relax sometimes, but Vultures like that man soon swoop on the relaxing person and leave nothing but paid and regret!

rethots May 21, 2009 at 12:39 PM  

....one straight and quick answer, but, i find none.

"You think I am demanding too high standards?> No, i think not, rather, 'tis just that people really have NO standards. I rephrase, get whatever is quickly available and then, 'sugar-coat' it as their standard. Hence, more often than not, what people get is actually the 'standards' they have for themselves. The unfortunate thing are those who bear the brunts (in this case, the kids.....feeling unloved).

Rather than "It's time people demanded some higher standards..." i would say; 'It's high time people realise and understand the DIGNITY of having standards and of more importance, not lower the standards for any reason.

wordmerchant May 21, 2009 at 3:28 PM  

my goodness!!!! some people are so EVIL!!!!!

Enkay May 21, 2009 at 4:42 PM  

The arrogance of these deceivers is what really gets to me. The blatant shamelessness with which they carry out their deception is unforgivable!

Do they think it's a game? Do they think they are super smart? It irks me that in life some people don't get bitten soon enough by the crimes of their past.

I feel more for the children than the wife. Somehow I think she should have known better and made better choices. The children on the other hand had no say in their own conception and birth.

*sigh*
It is so sad and shameful.

posekyere May 22, 2009 at 11:13 AM  

Hi Adaeze!
I feel you on this scoundrel!
You aptly summed up so beautiful ..."The only thing that comforts me is that I know karma works. What goes around comes around. One day that guy is going to see wahala. Big one."
I would tell the norwegian woman if I knew her. It is right to bring light into the darkness. Can you imagine what will happen when she finds out--and she will find out sooner or later--that the friends of the family knew and never bothered to inform her?

Adaeze May 22, 2009 at 12:44 PM  

@ Cidersweet - I'm glad you'll check back. Please follow :-D I won't say yes or no, you'll going to have to read on, hehe

@ Omo Oba - You are so right...Born without sense of right and wrong. But how it is possible, I fail to comprehend.

@ Nana - Agreed!

@ Rethots - Wow, that is a really good point. I'll take that to heart and change my phrasing next time. Wow..such a good point I can read it over and over! lol

@ Wordmerchant - You said it!

@ Enkay - I ask the same question, do they think they are super smart? This guy obviously does, but all his peers think he is stupid! And it wouldn't take a grown up to understand that by his behaviour. I couldn't agree with you more - I blame the wife because she should know better and probably does, and I feel more sorry for the kids who are completely innocent. Just shake my head..

@ Posekyere - Thank you...I would tell her if I knew her too, but I don't really know her thats the problem... I agree it would be crazy for people to not tell her if they're close to her.

Tairebabs May 25, 2009 at 2:16 AM  

I like where you said we all tell lies but that kind of deceit is pure wickedness especially since there are children involved. I wonder if the nigerian wife knows about it.

Tairebabs May 25, 2009 at 2:16 AM  

I like where you said we all tell lies but that kind of deceit is pure wickedness especially since there are children involved. I wonder if the nigerian wife knows about it.

Gochi May 25, 2009 at 12:07 PM  

yeah i love brandy too..She came to the UK like 2 weeks ago.. The Show was brilliant but she got off stage quite early :(

I have no idea why people feel they need to lie. I feel like with some nig guys they are so insecure they can't help make stories up. Only a few are quite comfortable in their skin and they're a minority.

Poor kids, this is the type of stories that really freak me out about nig guys and marriage...Cheating wannabes and their selfishness.

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