Drowsy Monday

>> Monday, April 27, 2009

Sigh. I am so tired today. I feel so weird and drowsy. Every time I breathe, it's like I can't get enough air. Everywhere I look, my eyes just go into a blurry gaze. I have lots of work to do, but somehow have done almost nothing all day. I don't know what it is. I'm not sick. I slept nearly enough.

Everyone I know seem to think I am so strong and so in control, but I don't feel like that at all. I know that I am very strong mentally and can manage almost anything, but that's during crisis. And believe me, I've had a lot of those. I always know how to keep my head cold and figure out the best thing to do. But whenever there is no urgent crisis, I feel I'm getting stressed.

My mother was always stressed. Never had time for me after I turned 6-7-8 yrs old. After then all I saw was a rushed, tired and stressed mother with a permanent wrinkle between her eyebrows. Whenever I talked to her she snapped. Sometimes she'd get so stressed she would break down and start yelling or crying or even throwing things. She's been working on her stress problem for a long time and it's a lot better now. She's been meditating regularily for several years now. Anyway, I don't blame her. Love her to death.
Me, I am not as stressed as she used to be, but I feel that I am extremely stressed internally. Everything's just a mess and I feel like I make things a bigger deal than what they are. Like blogging, I never get time to write the posts I really want cuz for me that takes time. Lol.

Anyone that would like to weigh in and tell me how they manage their every day life and make time for everything are very welcome! I'd like some tips on that. I don't even have children. Sheesh, how does people with children manage! Well, secretly I think I know my answer, I just need to chill out, take it easy and not pressure myself too hard. I have a gold medal in the latter.

I have two great things to be thankful for today though.

1) One of my friends just gave birth to her second baby boy yesterday. His daddy texted me and they are both healthy, in spite of going into labour one month early. He'll be a total heartbreaker just like his big brother who is named after Barack Obama - his name is Agala Baraka. They're congolese.

2) My bestfriend and her mother FINALLY signed the leasing contract for a new flat. Her father is a sick, psychopathic, controlling and abusive man. She has had to move out so many times, to my place, to my parents place, just to get away from him. Her mother has never had the strength to get out, but finally she took the step. My bestfriend has developed eating disorders and have been going back and forth with her suicidal thoughts. It's been so hard to only being able to help just a little bit. The truth is, the man should be reported to the police. He literally doesn't allow anyone in the house to eat when they want or to sleep where they want. Once when I visited, he had assigned her a new bedroom, which was a matrass next to the dining table. She has never wanted to leave and move away from home because she feels responsible for her poor and tired mother and little brother and sister. I pray everything will go well.

Other than that I say a prayer for my half brother who is in jail again, and my dad who is broken hearted because of it. Life is life I guess....
I also found out that we might not be able to travel. Scratch that. We WILL travel. Just applied for residence permit for hubby - it has to be renewed each year. The stupid thing is that they take a long time to process it, and in th emeantime u might walk around with an invalid permit in ur passport. That means trouble if travelling and wanting to return. I refuse to give up though, i am so tired of these immigration rules and all the wahala they give me. Every year the same thing. But I will find a way to fix this. I refuse to limit my freedom of choice and movement lol.

These are my goals for the week :

- Get enough sleep
- Go to the gym at least 2 times. My goal for the future is 5 times but not this week lol.
- Keep in touch with friends and meet at least one
- Have a nice birthday with no drama what so ever
- File my tax return
- Maybe maybe buy some tickets to Nigeria before they get even more expensive
- Stay positive and attract positive things towards me
- Blog and stay updated on other blogs
- Get someone from the authorities to tell me its ok for my hubby to travel. Period.

I think writing down ones goals for the week is so good because it structures some of the mess in my head, while also forcing me to stand accountable for my plans.
Stay blessed everyone, don't be afraid to challenge yourself and have a wonderful week.


BSNC April 27, 2009 at 5:49 PM  

yes that is the answer, chill and take things easy.

congrats to your friend

goals are good. they keep you structured and focused..

have a lovely week..

Omo Oba April 27, 2009 at 6:29 PM  

I have to commend you for being so honest...my dear, I am also particularly tired today as well, and the day has not gone well because I have been very irritated by the friends I hang out with at school. But such is life because I know that I am also thankful for them. The way I deal with stress is prayer. prayer. Because at the end of it all, how much will our worry/stress change things? Our God is bigger than any mountain that is in our way, and I know you know that. Besides prayers, running/working out also helps, I dont know, for me, it is liberating (and I just found that out within this past year, I need to get around to running more often (for you, dancing might help ease the stress out :) Also talking about stuff to people can help ease your mind, but be careful who you talk to because some people may make matters worse. The immigration palava is my life, and I feel you on that, and yes, I am in agreement with you: YOU WILL TRAVEL. Also, I hope your brother will be fine, and he learns from whatever mistakes he has made. Adaeze, honestly, I am so glad you can find reasons to be thankful despite all...now, that is the best way to ease out stress (as according to my gospel).

Bibi April 27, 2009 at 9:46 PM  

sorry about your brother and friend. hopefully everything will sort itself out. i don't know how i organize my life o! I JUST TRY TO TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME. matter of fact, i take it one hour at a time. lol

posekyere April 27, 2009 at 10:44 PM  

Not all days are the same.
Some days are pretty wearisome for no particular reason. You will surely get over it.
Sorry for the difficulties with your brother and the family. Continue to hold them up in prayers.
Having stayed in many different countries, I understand the challenges with the immigration office. We encountered same problems in South Africa. Thank God we have permanent Residence permits now. Life is so stressful when your very life and plans depend on the the yearly decisions of an often unfriendly group of people. It shall be well. Don't you worry about a thing. Live one day at a time.
I am really challenged by the beautiful habit listing the things you are thankful for.
Bless you, Adaeze!

Cidersweet April 27, 2009 at 10:48 PM  

Praying relieves stress, it is true. (Funny, I forgot this until I read Omo Oba's comment). I will pray for you and the people you care about- husband, brother, best friend... Perfect Father, I am grateful for Adaeze, who'll be a yr older, wiser, calmer and in love and awe of You this year. Though things try to weigh her down, she will not despair, because You hold her in Your hands.

Thank you, Adaeze. You are very kind-hearted. I wish you he very best.

Naked soul April 27, 2009 at 11:47 PM  

Just take a deep breathe and relax..... i hope God sees your family through. you are too blessed to be stressed

Rita April 28, 2009 at 9:37 AM  

Somehow it sounds like you are on top of it and you now the way out. Personally i get so stressed out when i take on too much but i am learnng the art of delegation. it has really given me enough time to rest and blog :-)

Love ur openness in ths post and the things you are thankful for. May we also put up posts in thankfulness for you.

StandTall-The Activist April 28, 2009 at 12:43 PM  

Like the good news.
Recognition of the internal stress is the beginning of it's cure... Dearie, take time out, learnt out to relax and look for internal peace.

These things happen to the strongest of all. And you are hence your openness.

Brown Sugar April 28, 2009 at 12:45 PM  

I pray that the Lord giveyou the strength you need to keep forth. Try not to let thingsget you down, and like everyone else said, Take it with ease. A day at a time is the only way. And also thanx for the birthay wishes! i aprreciate it!

Enkay April 28, 2009 at 1:30 PM  

Wow, you were so open in your post.

I pray it works out for your bro and your friend with her mom. No one should be made to endure that sociopathic behaviour from the man they call husband and father.

I usually have seasons when I'm stressed out but they don't come too often.During those times,I try to get my siblings or hubby to help me pick out the major 'stressors' so I can eliminate them.
It's nothing fancy or technical. I just get them to listen to me rant and they are not supposed to judge me but help me point out things that could be responsible for the way I feel. Some of them I already know but having them pointed out to me makes me feel like I HAVE to DO something about them.

Somethings cannot be eliminated so I just ride them out. Consoling myself all the time that "This too shall pass"

I agree with the other commentors that mentioned prayer as a way of handling stress. The peace this gives you is priceless!

PS: I'm a bit curious and want to ask some details of some the stuff you wrote in your post. But I'll be a good girl and hold my peace. lol!
I love reading your blog.

Here, There, Elsewhere... and more April 28, 2009 at 2:43 PM  

I hope things sort themselves out for you - I admire your honesty so much...
I believe in taking things as they come: one task at a time; one hour at a time; one day at a time..!
I work full time, have kids, do charity work and travel a lot but I'm no superwoman - just a lady who likes to look on the bright side (even when I'm knee high in shit - not literally!!!) ^_^

Olufunke April 28, 2009 at 3:22 PM  

I enjoyed reading through this post.
So sorry you are so stressed up
but like others have said, you seem to be on top of it, you know it , and you know what you should do.
Thank God for your mum who is getting better with her own 'stress life'
I also learn a lot from my mum, I look at the things that stress her and make a I make a conscious effort to try another approach to my life.

I pray your husband's permit comes out on time.
All the best
Looking forward to gists of your trip to Nigeria

Adaeze April 28, 2009 at 4:28 PM  

Aww you guys are too sweet!

@ BSNC - thanks a lot my dear

@ Omo Oba - Wow thank you for both commending me and all your good advices. These are things I kind of do know but I had forgotten/denied it, lol. I Have to work out! Thanks for reminding me, that does help! And praying. Unfortunately I don't feel like theres anyone around I can really talk to these days, the ones I coulda re way caught up in their own stuff. I wish my brother wuold be fine too but unfortunately, it seems it's a bit too late. He's been on drugs for more than 20 years now and nothing has ever worked. Not trying to be negative but its just how it is u know. Hey, I hope you're feeling better today?

@ Bibi - lol that's a good one I'll try to do that

@ Posekyere - You describe very well what i've been feeling for a couple of years now. "Life is so stressful when your very life and plans depend on the yearly decisions of an often unfriendly group" - So true. And thanks for your warming compliments. Sure makes a girl smile.

@ Cidersweet - This comment truly brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much. I appreciate that more than you could imagine.

@ Naked Soul - Thank you so much I appreciate it

@ Rita - Really? lol, you saying that gave me a confidence boost. Thank you. I think I really need to take a lesson from you when it comes to delegation!

@ Standtall - Aww thank you. Means a lot coming from you.

@ BrownSugar - Thank you so much I appreciate it a lot.

@ Enkay - Wow those are some very useful advices. I wish I had some siblings to rant to! Hey I love curiousity, I am a nosy curiouser myself haha. Ask me anything you want I don't mind. You can e-mail me if you want? amani_devika@yahoo.com

@ Here..There..Elsewhere - That is so flattering, thank you. You are already an inspiration to me! Looking on the bright side is the key, that is true.

@ Olafunke - that is so true, I do the same with my mother. It's interesting how things get gradually improved through generations. My trip to Nigeria won't be until July/August, but i'm looking forward to blog about it! Thanks for keep coming by, I love all your comments and appreciate them too :-)

Good Naija Girl April 28, 2009 at 8:46 PM  

I feel you on the stress thing. I find that I'm good in crisis situations too, but often the rest of the time I feel like the stress is simmering just below the surface, and it can sometimes lead to some anxiety and worry. But your prescription is correct: take it easy, don't pressure yourself. Sometimes it's easier said than done though! Becoming someone who doesn't stress is an ongoing and longterm project.

I'm sorry to hear about your half brother and your dad's resulting sadness as a result. It is not easy to be a parent and do all you can to make your child's path easy, only for them to depart from the lessons you taught them (apologies in advance if this is not the case). I hope all will be well.

I'm so happy for the things you are thankful for. I hope your friend and her mom will be ok in their new place, and they can find some peace and start healing soon.

And hubby will be allowed to travel in Jesus' name! Enough of this nonsense already...you want me to talk to the authorities? :)

THIRTY + April 28, 2009 at 10:12 PM  

Thank God your friend and her mom moved out of that danger.

Just breathe and commit all to God's hands, then leave it there.

The Bookaholic April 29, 2009 at 2:26 PM  

Nice read and nice blog...

Gee April 29, 2009 at 7:51 PM  

good...I also believe in setting/writing down goals, just dat it really hurts wen ur time frame expires and they havent been completed.
hope urs are gonna be all done at the end of the week and hope ur week has been good so far..mine has been really lazy sha..but oh well!

Writefreak April 29, 2009 at 9:04 PM  

Sweerie, i'm sending you a lot of hugs...and please do not push yourself so hard! Stress most of the times comes from inside us! And pressurising yourself so much doesn't make things easier...ok, Wf isn't preaching! lol

Thank God for your friend and her mum, no woman deserves to stick abuse!

For your half brother, i pray that God will show him a way! And oh yes...one should write down goals.

Take care hon!

StandTall-The Activist May 1, 2009 at 11:45 AM  

You are welcome my lady. Hope you have started getting there

StandTall-The Activist May 1, 2009 at 11:45 AM  

You are welcome my lady. Hope you have started getting there

Tairebabs May 1, 2009 at 10:17 PM  

When I am extremely stressed, I go to a quiet place close my eyes and slowly say "God give me patience and strenght to endure all my challenges" then I breath in and out and go about my day. I know it is not easy but you will be fine. There was a time when I was really stressed for a long period of time but thank goodness it passed.

Today's ranting May 2, 2009 at 6:47 PM  

It is well babes. You have God you know, always turn to him in times of distress. He will always see you through. First time here.

Adaeze May 4, 2009 at 2:15 PM  

@ GNG - lol, your mental talk with the authorities really worked ! We can travel now. Girl, I thank you so much. Love your heart warming comments, that's all I got to say!

@Thirty+ - Thank you so much and thanks for stopping by

@ The Bookaholic - Thank you, i hope you come back!

@ Gee - Thank u! I hope ur next week will be less lazy. Lets always aspire for improvement!

@ Writefreak - lol no worries Writefreak, I love your preaching... Thank you for all your sweetness. I am thankful for your continuing visits to my Blog!

@ Standtall - Thank you my lady.

@ Tairebabs - Thank you, thats some useful advice - I will try to follow. It's also inspiring to hear you've been trhough it and got through whole!

@ Todays ranting - I am glad to see you here! Thanks for your sweet comment.

Post a Comment

Make my day!

  © Blogger template Simple n' Sweet by Ourblogtemplates.com 2009

Back to TOP