Drowsy Monday

Sigh. I am so tired today. I feel so weird and drowsy. Every time I breathe, it's like I can't get enough air. Everywhere I look, my eyes just go into a blurry gaze. I have lots of work to do, but somehow have done almost nothing all day. I don't know what it is. I'm not sick. I slept nearly enough.

Everyone I know seem to think I am so strong and so in control, but I don't feel like that at all. I know that I am very strong mentally and can manage almost anything, but that's during crisis. And believe me, I've had a lot of those. I always know how to keep my head cold and figure out the best thing to do. But whenever there is no urgent crisis, I feel I'm getting stressed.

My mother was always stressed. Never had time for me after I turned 6-7-8 yrs old. After then all I saw was a rushed, tired and stressed mother with a permanent wrinkle between her eyebrows. Whenever I talked to her she snapped. Sometimes she'd get so stressed she would break down and start yelling or crying or even throwing things. She's been working on her stress problem for a long time and it's a lot better now. She's been meditating regularily for several years now. Anyway, I don't blame her. Love her to death.
Me, I am not as stressed as she used to be, but I feel that I am extremely stressed internally. Everything's just a mess and I feel like I make things a bigger deal than what they are. Like blogging, I never get time to write the posts I really want cuz for me that takes time. Lol.

Anyone that would like to weigh in and tell me how they manage their every day life and make time for everything are very welcome! I'd like some tips on that. I don't even have children. Sheesh, how does people with children manage! Well, secretly I think I know my answer, I just need to chill out, take it easy and not pressure myself too hard. I have a gold medal in the latter.

I have two great things to be thankful for today though.

1) One of my friends just gave birth to her second baby boy yesterday. His daddy texted me and they are both healthy, in spite of going into labour one month early. He'll be a total heartbreaker just like his big brother who is named after Barack Obama - his name is Agala Baraka. They're congolese.

2) My bestfriend and her mother FINALLY signed the leasing contract for a new flat. Her father is a sick, psychopathic, controlling and abusive man. She has had to move out so many times, to my place, to my parents place, just to get away from him. Her mother has never had the strength to get out, but finally she took the step. My bestfriend has developed eating disorders and have been going back and forth with her suicidal thoughts. It's been so hard to only being able to help just a little bit. The truth is, the man should be reported to the police. He literally doesn't allow anyone in the house to eat when they want or to sleep where they want. Once when I visited, he had assigned her a new bedroom, which was a matrass next to the dining table. She has never wanted to leave and move away from home because she feels responsible for her poor and tired mother and little brother and sister. I pray everything will go well.

Other than that I say a prayer for my half brother who is in jail again, and my dad who is broken hearted because of it. Life is life I guess....
I also found out that we might not be able to travel. Scratch that. We WILL travel. Just applied for residence permit for hubby - it has to be renewed each year. The stupid thing is that they take a long time to process it, and in th emeantime u might walk around with an invalid permit in ur passport. That means trouble if travelling and wanting to return. I refuse to give up though, i am so tired of these immigration rules and all the wahala they give me. Every year the same thing. But I will find a way to fix this. I refuse to limit my freedom of choice and movement lol.

These are my goals for the week :

- Get enough sleep

- Go to the gym at least 2 times. My goal for the future is 5 times but not this week lol.

- Keep in touch with friends and meet at least one

- Have a nice birthday with no drama what so ever

- File my tax return

- Maybe maybe buy some tickets to Nigeria before they get even more expensive

- Stay positive and attract positive things towards me

- Blog and stay updated on other blogs

- Get someone from the authorities to tell me its ok for my hubby to travel. Period.

I think writing down ones goals for the week is so good because it structures some of the mess in my head, while also forcing me to stand accountable for my plans.

Stay blessed everyone, don't be afraid to challenge yourself and have a wonderful week.