The influence of friends 1.0

Hey people. Happy new week. I love Mondays (not really). There's so much drama in my family these days. Or actually, there's always been plenty of drama! Just a lil over the top now. Turns out my BIL is unsure after all and that affects certain other family members quite severely. Guess who, lol. I'll keep you updated. I won't believe it until he touches ground in Naija.

So, I've been thinking about friends a lot lately and thought I'd do a post about it. I'll try to keep it short, but you know me...
I've had a lot friends in my short lifetime (highlight HAD), which isn't really that good. I've had trouble fitting in all my life. When I was little I was confident and extremely tall for my age, and of course was bullied for that. No big deal, all kids bully and most get bullied sooner or later. But due to my confidence and rightenousness I always ended up defending all the kids who were getting bullied. I didn't respect the social cliques and the popular ones, and of course they'll make you pay for that. That's how it was at my school when I was growing up anyway.
As I grew older I got my own group of friends, but never felt like I really belonged because I was way ahead of my age. I cared about deep, challenging and philosophical ideas and didn't feel they were on my page. To talk about the latest clothes and the upcoming party just didn't do it for me. Or "boys" for that matter. Going crazy and screaming and say "ohhh my god he's so CUTE!!!" was not my thing at all.. My life also took dramatic turns and I experienced a lot that made me grow up even faster. That only made the gap between me and them grow bigger. I've always been very serious but that forced my seriousness up to a whole new level. That's not a fun for people to be around is it?
I am also a very loving and caring friend - I can do anything for you and will always be there. People can easily take advantage of that and it has happened several times. I never got even half of what I gave in return. When I needed them, when I was hospitalized, I was all on my own. No one could bother caring. When I got married early, I lost most of the friends I had left. My life was filled with responsibilities of people 10 years older and my priorities were different.
I had a few years of just pure hustling and no time for anything, now that I've finally started to recover I can try to get out there and meet more like minded people. I have a few set of close friends now, and I rather have them than 10 shady friends. I think why I have so few is because I haven't been very compromising after my burns. I have a lot of acquintances, but I'm not going to bring you into my life if you're not up to understanding a little of what I'm all about. Is that bad?

I've learnt through my own experiences, but also watching people around me, how friends can negatively effect you. You know, the kind that is a little "more" than you and make you feel small? They talk you into doing things you don't want, because they make you unsure of your beliefs and make you feel stuck up if you don't follow their way? The ones that "knows everything" and pretends they really care for you while they're really just taking advantage of you? God have I watched people fall into that trap too many times.

I had a girlfriend in highschool who was 2 years older than me and I thought really cared about me. She skipped school a lot and was a lil crazy, but very nice to me. Bitchy to others. Somehow she managed into talking me into skipping school too. I had NEVER skipped school before or ever done anything "wrong" but with her I was on the beginning of a path of destruction. Needless to say we are no longer in much contact. She sometimes calls me just to get something, information, favours or etc. Other than that, she doesn't even ask how I'm doing.
I thought I was so strong and independently minded but I know now that ANYONE can be affected by their friends, most especially when they think that that person genuinly cares for you. The truth is, most people are ultimately quite selfish. Yes. I am deeply grateful for those who aren't. Selfishness ain't good. Taking care of oneself is not selfish by the way. It's something I'm still trying to learn better because I naturally always take care of others before myself. Therefore, after I reached rock bottom in several ways at the age of 17, I decided that from then on, I was going to start consciously surrounding myself with the people that brings out the best of me.

Good friends are friends who encourage your spiritual growth and have your best interests at heart. The ones who remember the little things. The ones who do something nice when it actually cost them something, not just to put you in a debt of gratitude so you can do them a favour later. The ones who can go out of their way to help you if you truly need it. The ones who wait for you when you go crazy and forgive you for losing your head, who try to protect you when you can't see the truth clearly.

If you have a signifcant other and are experiencing problems, good friends will be dead honest with you. If you're doing something wrong, they'll tell you and not be an enabler to your continuing mistakes. If you are ending up becoming too attatched to your boyfriend for example, to the point where it isn't healthy anymore and you guys are strangeling each other - they'll try to make you see that for your own sake and encourage you to balance it. On the other hand they will NOT pull you out to get drunk and make you party and do things that can jeopardize your whole relationship and encourage you to not care. There's a fine balance. Don't be a pushover!

I have so much on my chest, but I will rather make a part two and tell some stories from my own life and others. Sometimes we need to be made aware of the kind of people we are actually surrounding ourselves with and how good (or not) they are for us, especially in our youth. All of you who have really good friends, appreciate them! It's a true blessing. We all need to share the walk of life with them.