Why can't you be yourself?

>> Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Two-facedness is really one of my worst pet peeves. People who change their behavior around different people.
Sure, it's a normal part of our social skills to adjust our behavior in the presence of different groups - we usually use a different type of language around our peers than we do our elders, modify our behavior around strangers, don't let the "mouth faucet" run as much around a new acquaintance.That is perfectly normal, and I would say lacking those abilities would indicate you have what I call bad social antennas. But entirely changing behavior around different people? That screams insecurity and instability to me. The person doing it is obviously not secure of him/herself, but also you cannot trust them. It also becomes a tiring task to adjust your behavior accordingly, because afterall, if they behave one way with you, and one way when you're in a group, you have to adjust the way you talk to them!

I have one girlfriend I know very well. She is quite mellow around me, but as soon as we meet other people, she puts on this whole "COOL FRONT", desperately trying to suck in all the air around and make sure all attention is on her. I don't mind cuz I don't like all attention on me, but its so forced and uncomfortable. She has to talk extra loud, use rougher words, laugh extra hard..she basically puts on a face that ain't hers, making these people think she is someone very different from who she truly is. Whats the deal? Most annoyingly, I have to change the way I talk to her because the girl I know isn't there anymore. If I were to continue talking to her the way I usually do, she'd feel struck by insecurity and rather try to make me a fool and say "You don't know what you're talking about hahahaha" than actually be herself.

And how about guys/boyfriends who does this? They are calm and thoughtful around you, and as soon as their 'crew' shows up, they're all tough, loudmouthed and idiotic again? Just to impress their boys and make sure they don't say "ahhhh your girl's got you on a leash". Grow up mehn. Don't even get me started on all the boys/girls men/women who engage in that kind of group activity to discourage their friends. That's another talk for another day.

As for me, I am at work and I have moved closer to making a choice on what I wrote about in my last post, so that is at least one relief! Thank you for all your concern I appreciate it so much xxx


Funms-the rebirth March 2, 2011 at 2:52 PM  

I guess most people feel they will be more accepted if they pretend to be what they are not.......insecurity may be a big cause

Thanks for the comment, sure pls feel free to reach out to me.... funms28@gmail.com

Nana Yaw Asiedu March 2, 2011 at 5:54 PM  

This is sooooo true. I know hundreds or maybe thousands of people who do this, including changing their accent! Mehn! I am always totally irritated by it.

What's that?

sweetness March 2, 2011 at 11:24 PM  

I knowww right?
I used to have a friend like that when i was younger, its very confusing cos u keep asking urself 'wait, is this her'
Its life, some people and their issues, just watch her, she'll grow out of the phase of two faced
LOL either she does, or it gets tiring for her to keep up, when people start labeling her as fake

Natural Nigerian March 3, 2011 at 8:29 AM  

I have a friend that does this. I have known her for years and years - she lives about 5 minutes walk from mine, wears a hair net/bonnet on her head when she is around the area. She even walks to my house wearing that and bathroom slippers.

Yet everytime we go out together, she transforms to this uber chic that has my jaw dropping. She talks about designer clothes, social status and other things you would not expect a hair bonnet and bathroom slippers wearing girl to wear.

I confronted her about it and she said that she is still the same person just that there are different sides to her.

We are still friends and I do not have a big problem with it. As long as she does not overdo it. Of course if she was assuming an accent, spending money that she did not have and making a fool of herself, I would reconsider my stand.

At the end of the day, it is about who you. If you are not comfortable with the transformation, by all means cut the cord.

BSNC March 4, 2011 at 2:43 AM  

oh my goodness. You are so right. I had a friend like that too. The worst part is this babe makes up this wierd accent on top. There is nothing like being yourself. its not like you are going to get an oscar for your unrecognised acting abilities.

Yankeenaijababe March 4, 2011 at 6:35 AM  

I love this post, fake people, you don't need friends like that, I know what you mean but we can't change people which sucks...happy weekend girl.

justdoyin March 5, 2011 at 4:22 AM  

hahaha...I know what u mean. It can be very annoying...I'd rather someone who goes all quiet in a group, than one who becomes lousy.

jhazmyn March 7, 2011 at 10:56 AM  

You sure hit the nail on the head...only an insecure person would feel the need to pretend to be someone else...its pretty unsettling, and if she were my friend, I'd sure ask her about it someday.

Glad things are moving forward for you (as per moving closer to makinga dsecision) sure hope it all works out fine. (((hugs))).

jhazmyn March 7, 2011 at 10:57 AM  

Forgot to add...luv the new look, its more alive

Tisha March 11, 2011 at 3:49 PM  

I know who i am

They need to discover who they are.
they don't have to lose themselves to be liked.

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