Important choice

>> Monday, February 28, 2011

sorry for my long silence, things got a bit out of hand in my life lately....
And I feel very inclined to not blog right now, since I feel I have nothing positive to contribute other than worries from my own life. I am a positive person and I like to stay positive, so I don't feel like this worrysome behavior suits me.

But after all, my new goal for this blog was to be more of a personal diary so that I can look back on it for insight later on. I have been thinking a lot the last year lately...about my future. I don't know what my future brings in my marriage, and I am torn between different options with regards to other important choices I am to make.

I have always dreamt of moving to New York. And I truly need some distance and space from my current situation. I am physically impacted by everything. lately I've been having weird allergic reactions and infections. I've been tested for different things and no results have appeared. My doctor thinks I have an allergic reaction to stress. I have a chronich spinal disc displacement, so my back constantly hurts. I have strange periods where my hearts starts to beat way too fast and I can barely breathe. I am exhausted. I need to get some space to take care of myself and not everyone else. But doing that would mean to break off my bachelor's degree in order to start a new one. The new one would probably accept many of the courses I've already taken, I'd apply as a transfer student. At the same time, I feel like it's too untidy. I am so hard on myself. So I am torn about this, constantly thinknig if I should follow my dreams and sacrifice all what it takes, or suck it up even longer and try to finish here..

Also, I found out that the time my father was sick last year, he actually had a stroke, and now has brain injury in his left frontal lobe. That would explain his increased sudden outbursts, memory loss etc. This is a huge burden for my mother, and I feel inclined to help her. He is still fully functional (mostly) but it certainly is a strain for her.....

Soooooo what to do what to do. Anyway for now I no have time to think sef....i have to work and i have to study for my exams.

So, sorry yall for just complaining again, I just wanted to show a sign that I am still alive lol and that the blog has not died yet. I am planning on a more fruitful comeback soon. I appreciate all of your support Sooooo much, all of you who has emailed. I'll have to search a long way to find sweeter people.


Yinkuslolo February 28, 2011 at 3:58 PM  

This must be a trying time for you

The Lord is your strength Adaeze! :)
<<<*insert tight hug here*>>>

Mrs Newlywed February 28, 2011 at 6:11 PM  

mmeennnn! when it rains it really pours! Take it one day at a time. The thing you mentioned about your heart, sounds like an anxiety attack to me. Put into consideration all that you are going through, something like that could happen.

Transferring schools as hard as it may seem at times, has its good points. I suggest you look into school that will take most of your credits and the rest, you could substitute. During my undergrad years, i transferred schools and most of my credits were accepted except a handful. few semesters before graduation, i applied for substitutions of the ones that weren't accepted. all i did was basically find a course description in the new schools curriculum which matched each of my nontransferable courses.
Afterwards you convince the department chair of each of those courses in your new school to approve it. Many of the people in the transfer department just scan through the courses. So if something doesn't fit anything right away, they will rarely dig deep. That is why you have to it for yourself. I was able to graduate two semesters earlier than expected after that.

Good luck with everything and always say a prayer, no matter how short. Every morning, SPEAK LIFE into your future. Tell the devil what you want him to know and how weak he is because he really has no power over your life; everything he does is just a distraction tactics. No condition is permanent o, it will all work out good at the end. ~"though sorrow may stay the night, Joy cometh in the morning"~

Lara February 28, 2011 at 8:16 PM  

The Lord is your strength and pillar...this is a really trying time for you.

May the good Lord guide you and lessen your burden.

Miss Enigma a.k.a UnderCover07 March 1, 2011 at 1:37 AM  

We have you in our prayers...indeed The Lord is your strength!!!

Madame Sting March 1, 2011 at 7:28 AM  

"I have strange periods where my hearts starts to beat way too fast and I can barely breathe."

Sounds like a panic attack to me. Take it easy on urself. I hope things start to sort themselves out. Never be afraid to take a chance and follow ur dreams.

justdoyin March 4, 2011 at 3:46 AM  

The Lord is your healer...He will heal you and give you strength to carry on...just hang onto His robes...expecting you to come back hail and hearty...stay lifted!

Natural Nigerian March 4, 2011 at 4:48 PM  

You shouldn't feel a need to apologize. What else is a blog if it is not an outlet? Anyone that reads your blog regularly is familiar with what it is you go through.

You write because you need to be heard. We read because we love you.

All the best

Good Naija Girl March 7, 2011 at 4:17 AM  

I haven't been on your blog in a while but I just want to send you a warm hug. You're a strong woman, going through a lot right now. Please give yourself the time you need to find the best solution to the things you're pondering.

Stress and anxiety are so dangerous to our health...I am trying hard to prevent them from having a negative impact on my life and that of my family.


Guro March 7, 2011 at 10:32 PM  

If you don't take care of yourself, you will not be able to take care of others either!

Follow your dream!

(and sorry for my english, it sucks... to much norwegian inluence ;)

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