Women who use men

>> Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Hey lovlies. I feel bad for not having the time to read any blogs, not even responding to comments on mine. I am definitely going to improve on the latter, and try my best to improve the first of those. I miss reading up, but there just haven't been any pockets of time for me at ALL. My life is a chaotic mess right now and I am just hanging on for life. Nevertheless let me take the opportunity to thank you for showing up here anyway. About the tattoo, alright, from all the nagging I might just post it in my next post. Yes ur right, not this one. Patience patience!

Two stories have recently been brought to my attention and they just outrage me to the point I definitely need to write about it, in spirit of Stings recent post about women who don't close their legs to married men and also my previous posts about sisterhood. This is examples of females who definitely don't act sisterly...

Leech #1 - the woman my brother in law married - I refuse to call her the other name she might go by cuz she is def def NOT my sister in law. I see myself as a calm person and it takes a lot to get me truly agitated (meaning you can be able to physically tell) but this lady somehow makes the best in me evaporate the moment I think of her. When a leech uses one of my loved ones? Ha, you better WATCH YOURSELF oh! Carefully too. Thanks be to God we don't live in the same country. This stupid BIL of mine has walked into Jezebel's nest, and I do blame him for this, but this woman is so dirty and sleazy minded it trumps him and just...baffles me. I told my hubby and BIL she's a gold digger, they didn't believe me at first. I just knew it. This woman wanted a picture of MY house and MY car before she agreed to even date him, because she needed proof he wasn't poor or "primitive" . Can you believe it? Uneducated little b.....She then proceeded to happily email me and let me know that she's looking so much forward to LIVING THERE. This is old news. Now the latest one I heard is that she got to know him through her bestfriend who wanted to date him and she basically stole him from her. Now she is playing childish games on facebook with constant status updates "I LOVE MY HUSBAND, MY HUSBAND LOVES ME!!!!!!!!!". I hate excessive exclamation points. Now she is also pretending to everyone that he is the father of the child she had with the last igbo man she stayed with, who actually wasn't igbo but she was too stupid to figure that out. And of course the only reason why she was with him too was cuz she heard igbos are resourceful savvy businesspeople.

Now, don't get me wrong, I am not excusing my BIL for his idiotic behavior, but that is another post. The matter I think the most about is her poor daughter, what kind of woman will she grow to be, having so many father's in her life? Because this mumu woman took his last name on Facebook after knowing him for a month! Needless to say, my BIL is desperate and one of those guys trying to get his papers in order and he is openly using her. Ah I am not going to get into it cuz it all gets me so frustrated...

Leech # 2 - the ex wife of my hubbys bestfriend - This story is worse, brace yourself. Now my hubbys bestfriend have lived in marriage with this woman for 20 good years and had 3 children. Suddenly after all this while, he finds out 2 out of the 3 is not his, the eldest being 16 years old! All hell broke lose and long story short, they are now divorced. Now this female creature refuses to bring the DNA tests so that he doesn't have to pay child support for the other two, and sends hate messages from his son's mobile phone to make him believe that his son despises him. Now WHY do women do this crap?

Maybe I am sexist but I do think that women can hold themselves to at least a bit higher standard and take the higher ground. Women like these discredit all of us honest ones and make our lives harder. Maybe not everyone have gone through the same things, but I have worked hard to gain my respect, and I still have to face these kind of judgments in society based on experiences with women like that. I don't know why they do it, they must be lost, with no confidence and no conscience. I do feel sorry for them, but at the same time I think there are no excuses. I struggle too, but I don't go and behave like that because of it. Who I feel the worst for are the children who are caught in the middle, and I believe that a woman, once she gets a child, has a DUTY to put that child FIRST. Not use them as a property in a childish war.

I will be back soonish! xxx,


What YOU may not have known? Sisterhood part 2

>> Saturday, March 12, 2011

Hey peoples. Are you upset for me for not posting a pic of my tattoo? I feel very unnoticed o. Lol

Jokes aside, here's a little continuation of my last post. I was inspired to post this from the most useful chainmail I've ever received. I usually think those things are a hassle, but this one served me right. One person I immediately think of who might benefit from reading this is my fellow student STING *waves frenetically for Sting to notice*

I am such a hard working busy person. I always feel guilty when I do something "I'm not supposed to" - like spending time with a girlfriend instead of studying. But this email proved to me why it is a much needed activity (that deserves to be prioritized). I already knew this, but being presented with hard facts in my face felt very satisfying. The email was written by a Stanford student, explaining the content of one of the courses she had attended. The prof of Psychiatry had stated that "the best thing a man can do for his health is to be married to a woman" whereas "the best thing a woman can do for her health is to nurture the relationships with her girlfriends".

While women share feelings, men form relationships around activities. They talk about sports and their jobs whereas women form support systems and help each other deal with stress and difficult life experiences. Quality girl time apparently helps us produce more serotonin which is a neurotransmitter that helps us combat depression and generate a general feeling of well being. I am not surprised! So apparently, spending time with your girl is just as important for your health as excercising regularly is.

We often push ourselves to eat healthy, stay fit and exercise, all to stay healthy, but may deprive ourselves of this 'guilty pleasure ' ( at least those of us who are over achieving neurotic students ) , but according to this proffessor, it's just as important as any other activity we do for our health. In fact, he stated that not doing it is as bad for your health as smoking cigarettes. In your face guilttripping voiceman (yes, it's a he) in my head! BOOYAH!

I think I'll still feel guilty at times, but certainly less than before. Blessings!


Sisterhood part 1

>> Friday, March 11, 2011

When I was growing up, I never was much liked by my fellow female peers. I got better along with the boys, being quite a tomboy back then. I was bullied a lot too, especially by girls. They can be so mean sometimes, can't they? They would always throw comments at my apperearance....spider legs, freak, fatty, horse hair, etc. My hubby says it must have been cuz they were all jealous? I don't know. I still do not have enough confidence believe that. I tended to be wiser than my age and act maturely, so I'm sure some of them felt intimidated. I'd never get involved when they were throwing comments, even when they hit me and spit at me, I would usually remain quiet. Occasionally, I would say something in the lines of "Really, you are so low that you have to attack people to make yourself feel better?"
My mother taught me to always look beyond the surface. "Remember that some of those girls, they are victims of broken homes and a lack of parental supervision, they're insecure and angry with the world". That they were probably feeling bad about themselves, that's why they attacked me. That I shouldn't cry. Cuz I sure came home crying for about 2 years. They used to prank me in front of the boys, make sure my underwear showed without my knowing, and spread vicious rumours. And I can swear until this day, I never did anything to ever piss anyone off. The only thing I did, is that I went in when they were bullying other, less confident kids than I, and told them to lay off. It's funny, because till this day, I don't really feel like I have half of the confidence I should have, even though I seemed to have it back then.

Throughout the years, I built many friendships with girls. I never had a sister, and I always dreamt of a bestfriend. I had many. All of them used me and threw me away. When I was a teen, I thought something must be wrong with me. Why does no one like me? , I used to ask my mom. My mother always said, don't you worry, when you grow a little older, you will finally meet someone who matches you. They will have grown up by then. And I have! I have several good girlfriends that I can trust and confide in, one of the most special ones even being someone I "met" here in Blogville! She's become like a big sister to me, and one of the other ones is like my twin. Someone who is just as tall as me oh! Yeah, that is hard to find. Ya'll don't know how difficult that is. Lol.

Being deprived of true friends for so many years, this is what I appreciate the most in my life right now. It's the greatest blessing. Sisterhood among women. It is truly special. Participating in Blogville daily reminds me of that. There are a few men among us, but most of the bloggers are female, and I feel such unity among us. Also, the International Women's day was just this past week. We must remember that this is still a very central and important cause to fight for. And most of all, we must remember to never be bad to each other, because we too often turn on each other. Snatch each other's husbands, become the lover of someone elses boyfriend, humiliate someone in public, look down on a beautiful girl out of jealousy...spread rumours and think badly of a girlfriend that happen to have something you wish you had. We should keep ourselves too good for this! It is only our sisters, who knows exactly what us women have to face and go through, but also how gracious and beautiful we are. We bear children. We raise them. We become the rocks and pillars of our families, for our husbands to hold on to, so they can step into the world every day, even after a moment of weakness, appearing like strong successful men. We multi-task and multi-manage everything in households, we love and create love. We endure and sacrifice for our loved ones. We bring understanding and compassion when we're abused by males.

Some of us might not feel it as much as others, but I try to stay aware of all the things we have to face as women. I have experienced hands on, maybe one of the worst, and most common crimes against women; rape. It's so much more common than we know. But how about the smaller things? Having to endure men treating us like pieces of meat in the market on a daily basis, being talked to in derogotary terms, and having to fight our way through the work market, to be respected for our intelligence and not our looks. In the most developed countries in the world, women still do not get equal pay. How about being called baby? Sugar? We are really being infantilized when people (who do not have the right) choose to force on us these names and change an otherwise neutral situation into having more sexual undertones.

We should remember what women before us have gone through, our mothers and great grand mothers, and stick together and love our sisters, no matter what color, this is something we share, this sisterhood. Its easy to forget, and see another woman as an enemy, but if we stick together, we are more likely to grow stronger. Too many of us face troubles we should not face, if our men were more understanding and respecting of our worth. Sticking together we gain a louder voice.

So, this was my post in spirit of International Women's Day. I'll follow up with an interesting fact I recently learned. Let all our prayers go out to all the victims of the earthquake and the tsunami. And lets not forget the most recent victims before them, who the media are no longer giving attention - Haiti. They still need our prayers.

P.S - Regarding my tattoo everyone requested to see, I am still contemplating whether to reveal it or not....


The meaning of my tattoo

>> Sunday, March 6, 2011

I got my first tattoo last year. It is a quite large back piece - covers my left shoulder from the edge of my arm to my neck. I am not a fan of having tattoos all over, especially not meaningless ones, but this one is something I felt like I could stand for. I wanted it to be a constant reminder to me - that I must not let myself be defined by fear. The tattoo is symbolic, it's a special orchid that always blooms, over and over, in spite of not being watered for long periods. On the orchid is a butterfly, breaking out of it's cocoon, flying away. I wanted to force myself to remember to not let my choices be so defined by what I am afraid of. To take life by it's balls. If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Life's a bitc*, be it's pimp.

Most of us like comfort. However miserable the comfort is, it's still comfort. Have you thought about that? Some of you are lucky enough to be where you want to be, but some of us are still far from that spot. How do we get to it without letting the challenges get the best of us? How often do we convince ourselves that our current situation is okay, just to make it bearable, while there is a silent voice in our head screaming that we want to try something else? It could be changing career paths, or changing education, it could be getting out of a relationship, or moving out of your family's home before they want you to. It could be getting a job instead of looking for a husband against ur mothers wishes, it could be moving out of the country.

My comfort has been pretty miserable, so I am terrified, absolutely petrified of ever letting that go (without explaining what 'that' refers to in specific)to venture out into the world and try something new. But I will because I only have one life and I have to at least try, no be so? Why am I afraid to leave the comfort? Probably because I am so afraid to fail. But what if my fear is also to succeed? What if I am so used to taking care of others and being sad that I have no idea how to live another way? How do I handle that? That's just me. I am strongly determined to take life by it's balls no matter what it is I am so afraid of. I intend to move to New York all by myself, all alone and make it on my own. There, I said it. I know that's what I need to do for myself. I need to practice living my life for myself and nobody else, free from interruptions and distractions. I need to prove it to myself that I can survive alone (because I am terrified of being alone). No, I am not getting a divorce o, not yet (I'm not saying I will or never will, I don't know what the future holds but I pray for the best).

Anyways I wanted to encourage everyone else to look inside themselves and find what it is they have always wanted to do, but always been too afraid to do. Don't let it stop you, because when we finally grow old and wiser than we are today, we're probably going to regret it.


Why can't you be yourself?

>> Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Two-facedness is really one of my worst pet peeves. People who change their behavior around different people.
Sure, it's a normal part of our social skills to adjust our behavior in the presence of different groups - we usually use a different type of language around our peers than we do our elders, modify our behavior around strangers, don't let the "mouth faucet" run as much around a new acquaintance.That is perfectly normal, and I would say lacking those abilities would indicate you have what I call bad social antennas. But entirely changing behavior around different people? That screams insecurity and instability to me. The person doing it is obviously not secure of him/herself, but also you cannot trust them. It also becomes a tiring task to adjust your behavior accordingly, because afterall, if they behave one way with you, and one way when you're in a group, you have to adjust the way you talk to them!

I have one girlfriend I know very well. She is quite mellow around me, but as soon as we meet other people, she puts on this whole "COOL FRONT", desperately trying to suck in all the air around and make sure all attention is on her. I don't mind cuz I don't like all attention on me, but its so forced and uncomfortable. She has to talk extra loud, use rougher words, laugh extra hard..she basically puts on a face that ain't hers, making these people think she is someone very different from who she truly is. Whats the deal? Most annoyingly, I have to change the way I talk to her because the girl I know isn't there anymore. If I were to continue talking to her the way I usually do, she'd feel struck by insecurity and rather try to make me a fool and say "You don't know what you're talking about hahahaha" than actually be herself.

And how about guys/boyfriends who does this? They are calm and thoughtful around you, and as soon as their 'crew' shows up, they're all tough, loudmouthed and idiotic again? Just to impress their boys and make sure they don't say "ahhhh your girl's got you on a leash". Grow up mehn. Don't even get me started on all the boys/girls men/women who engage in that kind of group activity to discourage their friends. That's another talk for another day.

As for me, I am at work and I have moved closer to making a choice on what I wrote about in my last post, so that is at least one relief! Thank you for all your concern I appreciate it so much xxx


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