Becoming a real adult

>> Saturday, January 29, 2011

I am an adult. I started living as an adult long before I actually became one in the eyes of the law. But when do we really become grown-up adults? Some people remain childish all their lives.. and not in a cute way let me tell you. Other people take forever to grow up, but they eventually do.

I had to grow up early.

It wasn't much of a choice, I had to. But, that being said, I always acted older than my age and volunteerely took on more responsibility than anyone else my age. It was comfortable and natural to me. I started taking friendships seriously when I was 11-12 years old. I knew how to be there for someone. Took me a couple of blows to realise no one else my age knew the value and definition of true friendships. I had to reach 20 to experience that. But that's cool. I appreciate the good people in my life so much more now, because I know how hard they are to find.

I dare to say I am mature for my age and I have been able to acquire wisdom from all my struggles. But there is so much more growth left for me to complete. And I can't wait! Grass is always greener on the other side.

Sometimes, I wish I could back to my childhood again. Before all the bad shit happened. But with one condition; I would go back, knowing how precious my own childish ignorance is/was. But - that is an unrealistic wish huh? Most especially because if I knew of my own ignorance, it would no longer serve to be called just that.

When I was a teenager, I used to say I rather live in truth and pain than pleasure and illusion as a defence to people's probing questions to why in the world I was so serious. So I think I prefer adulthood. But a balanced, healthy adulthood. An accomplished adulthood, in touch with myself. I am in adulthood yes, but I haven't reached where I want to be mentally.

There is always room for improvement and I believe one of the major tasks throughout our lives should always be searching for ways to improve ourselves.

BECOMING AN ADULT (not grown-up, cuz that's what adults call adults in child-language) IS....slash SIGNS THAT A PERSON IS NO LONGER CHILDISH..whatever floats your boat:

- Improvement. Realising you're not perfect. You have flaws, flaws that were often caused by the nature of your own experiences and upbringing; and they should be worked on. For your's and your surrounding's well-being.
-Refinement. Perfecting and shaping the character you already have. Strengths and talents can be enhanced while weaknesses should be contained. Learning how to do that is truly a skill hard to ..master.
-Accountability. Stopping to make excuses and take accountability for your own actions whether you have a good excuse or not.
-Acceptance and differentiation. Learning how to differentiate between what should be challenged to change and what should be accepted the way it is. Accepting the things that must be accepted must happen in a constructive manner without aggression.
-Realization. Basically daring to be humble enough to admit there is a lot of stuff you still do not know, some of which you probably never will.

That's what I have come up with so far. More will be added to the list, some when I remember them, others as I learn along the way.

In light of the above, I have been pondering for the past couple of years; What are my own strength and weaknesses? What do I want to keep, and what would I like to change? What would I like to perfect? I will share in the posts to come.

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P.S Thanks so much for all the support in connection with my last post. I appreciate it beyond words


BSNC January 30, 2011 at 1:39 AM  

See me thinking your last post was fiction. Don't give up dear. My prayers are with you.

its good you acquired wisdom from your struggle. You learn from it and it makes you a better person.

I have been following your stories and i know some of the struggles and pain you went through. You are a strong woman and i commend you for that. I hope you accomplish adulthood in you own time the way you want to.

I am glad you are back. No worry, e go better : )

Natural Nigerian January 30, 2011 at 6:55 AM  

Adaeze, you are so on point with this post. I particularly like the list at the bottom and will come back to see what else you add.

Some things jumped out at me:
"I would go back, knowing how precious my own childish ignorance is/was."

I know what you mean. This is why I always advocate that children be allowed to remain children. The people around them must make the conditions right for this and even try and draw them back when that inevitable longing for adulthood comes.

"Some people remain childish all their lives.. and not in a cute way let me tell you".

I know! However, there are some that retain the quality of child-likeness which is endearing.

bob-ij January 31, 2011 at 8:07 PM  

I don't even know if I'm an adult yet.. :-S

Goodluck finding yourself...

In time, I find that everything works out the way it's supposed to.


Gee February 1, 2011 at 12:34 AM  

lovely post!
I really dunno if i am an adult yet----i think i jst currently got into d stage of being an "adult", i like the part where u said the grass is greener on the other side, such a fearless statement, I shuld run with it!

Myne Whitman February 1, 2011 at 2:36 AM  

growth and maturity are usually relative concepts. I liked your analytical post and look forward to the next ones..

Yinkuslolo February 1, 2011 at 2:53 AM  

i know that i'm not an adult. i'm living the grown-up life but the child is still lingering around.

jhazmyn February 1, 2011 at 10:12 AM  

No matter how much we grow, there seems to be so much more to learn...such is the way with life I guess.

This is one journey worth documenting :)

Adaeze February 2, 2011 at 4:48 PM  

BSNC - So nice to hear from you again..thanks for your heartwarming comments.
and thanks so much to the rest of you too for returning here :-P

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