Family formalities?

>> Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Hello Beautiful people of Blogville!

*Phew* I need to take a breather, seriously. Who got me running around the way that I am these days..¨

First of all you guys asked for an update. I have reported the madman to the police. Did so the day after I posted. They seemed to take it seriously enough, but apparently there will be nothing they can do unless I get some more contact information on the guy. I don’t know his full name, phone number or location. So I am doing my small small research here and there.. will keep you guys updated. I have to admit I am a bit frightened. They said if they catch him, am I willing to go to court with it to get him convicted. I said yes, but honestly it scares me. I have no idea what this madman might do. I mean, if you are just as obsessed with me after not seeing me for 6 years something is seriously wrong with you.. If you don’t mind screaming loudly in public you’re going to kill me, something is NOT right with your little head. Yeye man..

Now, on to what I wanted to talk about today.
Any of you who regularly reads my blog knows I don’t really have a great relation to my family.. My one brother is in jail, my other brother doesn’t care and my half sister doesn’t really care either. It’s caused me a lot of pain. At the same time I think it’s given me a unique outside-looking-in-perspective on family matters.

Family is blood. Pure and simple. Family is supposed to be the most important thing in the world. It still is to me. But I have learnt in my life that true family isn’t always your blood. Sometimes the fact that someone is your family can turn you blind.

Have you heard the saying “Friends is the family we choose ourselves”? I

have come to see that my real family isn’t the family who stuck up for me. My real brothers never cared for me, but my brother in-law is my bestfriend and would kill for me. My extended family never helped me when I needed them, but my friends did.

I have come to notice lately that people allow family to get in the way, way too often. I know people might want to attack me for saying this but it really is true sometimes.

I have two very close friends who both are very close to their immediate cousin.
Both of them have been bestfriends with their cousin all their life, they’re like sisters.

They look alike, they’ve grown up together, shared everything.

For a long time, I wished I could have had something like that. Grass is always greener on the other side.

However now, both of my close girlfriends are going through hell because of their cousins.

Friend 1 has kept lending her cousin money over and over, and over. The girl never pays her back. She does it because “she’s family”. Now friend 1 is in major DEBT because of this girl. Secondly the girl broke their whole friendship by ditching her for a guy. Lending her money is only a technicality, my friend has done so much for this girl. True sacrifice. And the girl, no matter how sorry I feel for her, is just sucking her dry.

Friend 2 has risked her whole education and reputation for her cousin, just to bail her out of trouble. She introduced her to the man who would become her fiancĂ©. Now the cousin didn’t even invite her for the wedding. My friend had to hear about it from someone else. Can you imagine? And nothing wrong happened between them before that FYI.

Because someone is “family” you end up accepting a lot more crap from them than you ever would from anyone else. Sure, you are supposed to accept more from them, that is what makes them family, but that doesn’t mean there are no borders.

I am not suggesting that my friends should cut relations with their cousins, but if someone is taking advantage of you, you shouldn’t allow them to continue taking advantage of you just because they’re related to you. Family IS family, YES, but don’t be silly about it. If someone is seriously jealous of you and is trying to put hindrances in your way, back off and stop giving this person your trust just because it’s “family”. If the person you're related to is blinded, you owe it to him/her, as family, to show them some boundaries so they won't mess up even more.

I have seen examples where family can be the people who do worse things to you than a stranger ever could. Take the story I’m writing in my other blog for example. It’s a true story. Should those kind of things be forgiven or forgotten, just because it’s family? For those who haven’t read – a boy loses his father, his uncle is involved in the murder, the father's family take all their properties and put them out on the street and never looked back. In this kind of serious case, I do not think that this uncle even deserves to be regarded as family what so ever. There are limits.

In my book, for you to be considered as true family by me, you’re going to have to earn it. I’ll give you a chance, I’ll fight for you, but if you keep on using me, my generosity will decrease. My brothers and sister is still my family. I will never give up on them. But I will not kill myself just for you to look at me and notice my existence. I am not a doormat.

Those who know me know I am one of the most generous and giving people around. I am extremely patient and I can do a lot for you. Because I care. But growing up has taught me to not be stupid. Too many people have taken advantage of my kindness. Therefore I needed to adopt a meaner attitude.

Please, do go and check out my other blog

It feels very cold and lonely over there, only one comment, lol.
Thank you Posekyere. I know Nana you are coming so this is not for you, lol.

Who else is watching Michael Jackson’s memorial tonight/today? I am still so sad about it. Whenever I remember, I get shocked. Michael Jackson is actually dead. There will not be another one like him. Rest in peace.

All the best to all of you!

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akaBagucci July 7, 2009 at 12:06 PM  

good to know some action is being taken on the stalker guy.. 6 years? that's some fixation.....

Perhaps the only thing breaks that family get are the right of first refusal.. if they consistently rub one the wrong way.. so be it.. we all have to move on at some stage....

Need to tag along to the other blog sharply....

Writefreak July 7, 2009 at 12:56 PM  

Second...not bad...

I really hope the stalker can be brought to book...i will pray for your'll be fine.

Family! I so know what you mean! I have no real issues with my immediate family but the extended one sometimes drive me just have to be able to put your foot down and set the boundaries and make sure you don't let them cross it!

Lady X July 7, 2009 at 2:29 PM  

I'm very happy about being 3rd o!
*does little victory dance*

Back to the subject, yes! If someone is taking advantage of you cut them off! That is why we do not really get along with our cousins. As far as I'm concerned my family consists of my parents and my four siblings!
Those people(extended "family") are something o! The stories I could tell you...

tunrayo July 7, 2009 at 2:46 PM  

Thank God the stalker issue has been handled.

About the family issue...mehn, u wont believe the stories i've heard. Guess thats why they say something like 'no family or friend in business'.

For real, if they arent good for you, cut them loose.

Gee July 7, 2009 at 3:15 PM  

makes sense that mehn sometimes ur friends r actually more of family dan ur immediate..not in my case but i totally understand..
nd yayy...thank God the stalker issue has been handled...pray bout it tho!

pink-satin July 7, 2009 at 3:54 PM  

i hope they get the stalker guy and he leaves u alone for good
me i learnt a long time ago that true family isn’t always your blood!

Jide Salu July 7, 2009 at 4:54 PM  

Stalker? I pray he will be put in place. It is definitely not a good feeling to have.

On family, I can feel your pain. Just go by your instinct and you will be alright.

taKia and God bless.

blogoratti July 7, 2009 at 5:48 PM  

Family and friends-thin line in between...
As for that stalker,SMH. He needs to back off like right now!

Nice Anon July 7, 2009 at 7:08 PM  

Family you say? I chose to reserve my comments on this because this is one of the things I get sentimental about so make we leave am.

Stalker dude needs to go and chill in jail for a long time.

StandTall-The Activist July 7, 2009 at 9:05 PM  

I am glad you reported the case and keep investigating cuz we don't know for sure what the guy is up to and we need to beat him to his game.

"But I have learnt in my life that true family isn’t always your blood", I have learnt this too and like you said family can complicate ones life.

Though I have heard you can't choose your family, hmmm that might be true cuz you are born into that family but you can choose who you call "family" when you can make informed decisions.

Your 2 girlfreinds need to cut of these their cousins cuz they will ruin them.

You are right, there may never be another like Michael Jackson

Sassy Trends July 8, 2009 at 12:47 PM  

Because someone is “family” you end up accepting a lot more crap from them than you ever would from anyone else. Sure, you are supposed to accept more from them, that is what makes them family, but that doesn’t mean there are no borders.

What I want to read exactly... we take so many craps from families 'cos of God knows
Must we do that at the expense of our own joy and happiness and fulfilment as well.. abegi jare!!!

I have learnt this the hard way though but hey... learning it is the koko.. no family will take me for a ride again even i fthe person is my twin sister...

Nice blog dear..luvn it

Olufunke July 8, 2009 at 4:03 PM  

I feel you, family relationships have their pros and cons.

Saw your interview on stand-tall blog...very nice.

Lolia July 8, 2009 at 8:56 PM  

I was watching MJ's memorial before I had to run off to work. It was so sad...

And I completely agree with you...You can't just let someone keep taking advantage of you because they're family...In the first place, BECAUSE they are family they should know not to intentionally do things to hurt that will hurt you...*sigh* It's just unfortunate...

But like I said I'm completely with you, even though I'm blessed to have an amazing nuclear family and grandmother, my friends are still like family to me and I know they have my back no matter what, it's amazing feeling :)

Glad you reported the stalker to the police and hope you're having a great week so far...Off to your other blog!


Funms-the rebirth July 8, 2009 at 8:57 PM  

sone family members tend to take a lot of things for granted..... all in the name of im family! eish! ur friends better cut them off, there must be a boundary.....
i always read the other blog but never comment due to the messed up internet i have at the mo'

aloted July 8, 2009 at 10:47 PM  

i pray this stalker is locked behind bars soon!

u r right about family ooo...infact too right..i try not to add sentiments wen it comes to family..can be hard sometimes though.

Saw Mj's memorial touching

Enkay July 9, 2009 at 11:48 AM  

I just hope the stalker gets dealt with sooner than later. He lost his right to freedom the moment he started harassing you.

I think the wider the family ties run, the more complicated it gets. My immediate family, I have no issues with but some cousins know just how to pull your strings.

Drawing the line and sticking to the boundaries have helped so far. There's no acceptable excuse for having a relative run roughshod all over me. None at all.

Adaeze July 9, 2009 at 12:04 PM  

@ Bagucci - I know, that really is some fixation. I agree with you on the family issue. Thanks for following my other blog!

@ Writefreak - Na true be dat..!

@ Lady X - lol i'm dancing with you! I'd be interested in hearing some of those stories..I agree with you, if someone takes advantage, cut them off!

@ Tunrayo - yeah...I guess everyone have heard some dreadful stories and even have some of their own.

@ Gee - True friends really is family, I thnk. Only true friends of course..

@ Pink - Satin - I am sorry to hear that but glad you have learnt the lesson. I am still in the process!

@ Jide Salu - Thank you Jide..Appreciate it.

@ Blogoratti - thanks..he really does need to back off, madman...

@ Nice Anon - Hmm I get curious wether you have painful experiences yourself or you disagree with me? no worries though you don't need to share if you don't want to.

@ Standtall - You are so right, you can choose you you call and consider family. Thats what I have done now! Cheers.

@ Sassy Trends - Well I am thankful you have learnt the lesson, it's not an easy lesson at all! I'm lovin that you're lovin my blog!

@ Olafunke - Thank you my dear

@ Lolia - It is an amazing feeling to have people who will be there for you. Without it life wouldn't have much meaning!

@ Funms - They really do... thanks a lot for stopping by my other blog I appreciate it a great deal.

@ Aloted - It really is hard indeed...and yes his memorial was so touching. I shed my share of tears!

@ Enkay - That is probably true, the wider the family ries run the more complicated. I'm glad it has worked for you so far dearie. I am just working out my own boundaries. No dey easy o! I agree, there are no acceptable excuses.

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