The promised land

I've often thought about the tremendous gap between peoples expectations of the "Western world" and actual reality. Most people living in the "developing world" have no idea how hard it is to get a permission to stay in "western countries". I know mostly about Europe, so I can't speak for US and Canada but I imagine it's a lot of the same.

I know first hand, how strict and heartless the system is, having to spend three years of my life simply battling for my then-boyfriend to get the permission to stay here. The system failed us, and as a result we had to get married in order for him to get to stay. This is not how I had envisioned getting married, and I certainly had no plans to marry that early. I didn't want it to happen like that, and I feel like we've gotten an unfair, rocky start to our marriage. I was supposed to finish university first and so on. At least that's how little perfectionist me had it all planned out in my head. Don't get me wrong though, I have no regrets.
That aside, after getting the permission to stay, one can finally have a life, breathe and stop fearing what the next month will bring. Even gradually starting to make plans for the future. It's terrible to not have the ability to do that. But getting the permission to stay, doesn't mean the challenges of living here is over. There are still lots of obstacles to face, and I can tell my husband is finding it difficult to adjust. The culture is so different, the weather so cold and the people so emotionless. Going from a place where time is quite relative to a place where everything and everyone is controlled by routines and the clock is new. It takes courage to be able to integrate - keeping his culture but blending it with the new and fitting into society. I've come to find out I don't think anyone can really feel comfortable or satisfied living in a foreign country unless they find a way to integrate and make it work. Without that they won't get the freedom they need to feel happy. One will always be doomed to bad jobs without knowing the language for example. In addition to that, the racism and prejudice that already exists and makes a lot of things more difficult than it would have been for others. In other words, it's anything but easy.
Yet, when we visit Nigeria most people seem to think its a piece of cake. I can't blame them, since the only connection a lot of them have to the "western world" is flashy cars, computers and glossy movies with beautiful people. Of course.
This christmas, we were approached by a man from the village. He said: "My son is a great footballer. I am sure he can be famous. Please take him with you to live with you in Norway so that he can have a better life". It's so sad. I'd like to help anyone I can as much as possible but it doesn't work like that. The gap between the glossy image people have and reality is just too big. Yes, living standards and a zillion things are better or whatever, but a lot of people aren't happy and it's more complicated than that. I think every single person living in poverty should have the opportunity of getting a better life, but thousands of dreams are also being crushed every year as a result of misinformation. How many Africans die each year trying to cross over from Morrocco to Spain? A lot of people who do make it, say they'd rather never have went in the first place. FYI I'm talking about people who fled from poverty without an education in the first place to non-English speaking countries like for instance Norway. If you do get the privilege to stay, you're not really going to go anywhere else than McDonalds or selling drugs. If you want more, you need an education. As soon as you arrive, you either have to live hidden or you'll be thrown into a system and degraded to a filenumber, live a life where every part of your life is decided by others. I wish someone would do a survey and ask all the people if what they came to see matched their expectations. I don't know.

Anyway, this is now concerning me personally yet another time - my brother in-law suddenly got this idea that he HAS to leave Nigeria. We've been trying to convince him not to for months but he it's impossible to change his mind. When he set his mind for something, he's going for it. A good quality really, but not in these kinds of situations. He has absolutely no CLUE how the world outside Nigeria is and he's adjusted to and grown up in the less developed part of Nigeria, so living in a beurocratic society where you need permits and documents for everything you want to do will be completely new to him. There's only so much we can help him with especially since he's not coming here. Lastly he's been doing completely OK with a nice flat, car and everything he needs - considered "well off" by all his peers. Then WHY must he go I wonder. Of course I do understand but at the same time I think it's crazy. We offered to raise some of our money over time and give it to him so he could invest in a new business and relocate to Abuja and come and visit us here whenever he wanted to. But he has chosen to throw all that away to a future of uknown. If he had absolutely nothing to lose, then it'd be easier to understand, but he's throwing everything he has, everything he's worked for, to gamble with his future. I think he has suffered enough already. As soon as he leaves Nigeria (this Sunday) anything concerning him is completely out of our hands.
I am sad because this guy has been more of a brother to me than my own brother, he's always been there for me and helped me out with anything I might need. He's been so loyal and supportive, and I truly care for his well-being. With the state the world is in now I grow even more concerns. People everywhere are losing their jobs and a lot of companies aren't hiring because they are struggling to keep their head above the water. He seems to think he can just go to Canada without knowing anyone there, get a flat and a job and start saving money to build a house. It DOES not work that way.
I realise at this point theres nothing we can do to stop him and our best shot is to support him as well as we can, pray that he arrives safely and meets some nice people that will be kind enough to introduce him to the world over there. He's a man of his own and has the right to make his own decisions. Who knows, maybe he'll hit jackpot and make it after all, he's a fighter. If not, I pray he'll return to Nigeria safely and focus on building a life there.