Trust & The frailty of Relationship Dynamics

>> Thursday, April 7, 2011

Mehn, it's getting harder and harder to keep up my blog promise about being more frequent. My life is so friggin busy....14 hour work days and work in the weekend too. Finding the time to do anything for myself is challenging. On top of that, everything kinda sucks cuz there's a storm in my life right now. God knows how it will all end.

I've been thinking A _ L O T _ lately...and I am generally a thinker too, so you can just imagine how my brain cells be exploding up in my skull. Being involved with many complicated relationships in my life, I have thought quite a lot about the above family isn't the simplest and most functional one, and the people in it aren't the most uncomplicated creatures... of course, being a product of that, I am quite complex myself, and naturally I end up meeting and surrounding myself with other complicated people. It's a natural circle..

Trust , as we probably all agree, have known and heard, is one of the most important ingredients in any relationship. That foundational, deep rooted trust. Most especially in a romantic relationship. Most problems we encounter are related to trust issues. Our fear of being involved, of love itself, mostly has to do with trust. Because what will we do if we love, and let go, and the person disappoints us because we can't trust them? Isn't that our greatest fear?

When being involved with someone, there's always a working dynamic that comes to exist between you and your significant other. You have some kind of common understanding, and building that is what first comes to be in the beginning of the relationship. That common understanding's building blocks always consist of trust. Now, people's view of 'trust' can vary widely...some people think it's okay to let their man go and have his 'adventures' but still 'trust' that he's coming back home. That ain't my kinda thing, but everyone for his own. The point is, trust is part of the very foundation of all relationships.

Now, what if your partner goes and does something wrong, not something massive and unforgivable, but something enough to tick you off and be disappointed. This shock causes the relationship dynamic to shift just a tiny little bit. Your view of the other person changes. However little, it still changes. "Oooh, so it's like that...okay..." The almost unavoidable result, unless you are some kind of superman or superwoman, is that your thoughts and your behavior, also shifts a tiny little bit, and that will rub off on your partner...Now, if your partner sees this and is wise enough, he or she would try to stand up against that and correct his/hers wrongs, and you both try to get back to status quo, some kind of balance.. On the other hand, what if your tiny shift of thoughts get your partner a little insecure? He or she might step wrong again, out of fear of telling you the truth since you got so mad the first time. Or who knows, maybe you will be the one to do wrong, to "even the score". Then the dynamic shifts even further.

This is a phenomenon that truly scares me in a relationship. The trouble is that these tiny shifts, when these 'tiny' mistakes are made, may be so small you don't notice it while they happen, until they have piled up and represents huge change from how things used to be. At that point, it takes two very strong people working together, to try to make things work again. If your views and thought patterns have changed so much, it takes an extremely faithful person to let go old hurts and memories...and even that is not enough, if the other person doesn't step up too. It is scary. If not it wouldn't be so precious. True love is a blessing, and love, when it works, is the greatest blessing we are all looking for. I believe blessings can't come without having faith and trust in them. Being aware of possible obstacles on the road, might equip us better to handle these challenges when they come on our way, no matter what type of relationship is in question.

That was my two cents for today....have a blessed week lovelies..

PS: I keep having problems when I post - all spaces and paragraphs disappear and I have to manually edit the HTML codes - anyone knows how to fix this?.


Madame Sting April 7, 2011 at 6:11 PM  

Hey girl, how u dey? I didn't read the whole post cos i'm in a marathon on this end. My life is on the line :) Anyway, just want you to hang in there and know that the storm will pass. Anything that has a beginning will have an end. It's always okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not that end.

Keep ur head up and remember that Sting aka my real name :) is rooting for you.

Jaycee April 7, 2011 at 6:22 PM  

Trust is definitely the foundation for great relationships. Nevertheless, we must also understand that a storm is what allows the eagle to soar high. Sometimes, when couples experience stuff together, their trust gets stronger. We must learn to glean the positives and make them the bigger picture.

Myne Whitman April 7, 2011 at 9:33 PM  

I totally agree with your last paragraph, and what Jaycee has said. It's a pity when a couple miss a step and cannot return to how it was before then.

For the paragraph thing, try to type in the visual editor. Fix it in your settings, and it will be permanent.

kitkat April 8, 2011 at 9:17 AM  

Lovely post. i love ur blog :)

rethots April 8, 2011 at 9:38 AM  

Hmmm, how come everyone seems to be able to read the post, yet, i can't.

Funms-the rebirth April 9, 2011 at 4:58 PM fragile yet important....the whole concept scares me but from my experience, i think when you trust someone in a relationship, u may have to overlook certain things and forgive....

doll April 11, 2011 at 5:59 PM  

no love without trust in my books.

One also need to give allowances for the occasional human factor.

Good Naija Girl April 13, 2011 at 1:50 AM  

I love the illustration you used to make your point, Adaeze. I think it's a rare person who has not experienced betrayal of trust, whether in a small way or in a bigger way. I'm currently trying to learn how to trust but what is strange is I can't say that it's betrayal by a men I loved in the past that makes me so wary. I just am naturally wary when it comes to matters of the heart I guess!

Adaeze April 13, 2011 at 5:57 PM  

@ Sting - as always, appreciate your comments, and taking time out of your busy schedule to do so...

@Myne - abt the visual editor, thats what I'm doing,a nd its still not working :-(

Thanks everyone for all ur comments and for stopping by, and all the kind words :) Rethots, I dont know why u cant read it, maybe something wrong with the computer.....?
And GNG, what you last mentioned I think is normal for all us mortal's a natural instinct...

harada57 September 19, 2017 at 10:18 AM  
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