Lies and deceit

You all must be thinking that I am on a really positive note these days.. this week it's lies, last week it was greed, lol.
I am very sorry for not posting last week even though I said I would. Everything is so busy! And now that I have my other blog as well. Either way, I got to fix up both my blogs - how do you like it?

I went to a concert on Friday - Brandy. Weee! It was off the heezy/shizzle/hook/chain or whatever.. I have been a fan of Brandy since I was little - she's a few years older than me but I remember always listening to her growing up in my teens...and watching Moesha! I have all her cds and she's one of the artists I've never stopped liking. She was really good live! I was wondering about that prior to the concert but it turned out really good. Besides, its so much better with a smaller, intimate concert where the focus is on the music not on a million 21st century stage effects.

Nuff about that. I wanted to talk about lies and deceit.
The lengths people are willing to go when it comes to lying, never ceases to amaze me. What the heck is going on with the world these days?
Sorry to say some a lot of Nigerian guys abroad deserves winning medals for deceit.
Yeah yeah people all over the world lie just the same I guess my eyes are just zooming in on them right now because of things I've seen happening lately..

For one most of these guys are showing off like crazy when going back to Naija. The truth is pleeeenty of them have been involved in really dirty business. Caught by the police and marrying women ignorant of all their wrong-doings. That's how they get their permissions to stay. Often they will tell this woman that they should go to his "home-country", take her to Lagos and pay some people to act as his family and let her go home. I have my own talk about these women cuz most of them are really stupid too so in some ways I guess they deserve each other but this post is for the men, at least for now.
Now hear this new story. This is one of my hubby's ex-friends. He is really known among Nigerians here, everyone knows him. Big talker. Big flaunter. Talk about arrogance.
The first time I ever met him about 5 years ago I hated him from first glance. Ok scratch that, I don't hate. But I really didn't like him. The first thing he did was eye me up and down and say "woooow I like that DRESS O!" while I was standing there with my then-boyfriend now husband. He was nearly drooling. Compose yourself man!

Anyway, he was always claiming to be part of the special crew - the long-timers, the guys who have stayed here the longest and therefore have the most respect. He was too good to make friends with hubby. I was glad.
He is the kind of guy who never stops talking and always talks about himself. His latest achievements, his latest gadgets and clothes, his new car, new house ETC ETC. Mind you these are all lies by the way.
He also lied about where he'd been and how he got here. To one person he said he lived in Canada for 10 years before coming here, another one he told Germany. He told hubby he worked as a stand-up comedian in Canada? WTF? Lol.
The truth about this dude is that he ran away to Thailand. There he met a Norwegian woman. A vstupid one, because she married the guy. Fast-forward 8 years they are still together, living here. In a house. Sponsored by her parents.
oH Yeah, my hubby also made friends with him. Once he "fitted" I guess. I kept my silence. Needless to say they are no-longer friends because he stole from us. But that's another story.

When they were friends, we'd get invited to different functions at his house. He fathered 2 children with this woman and one of the functions was his smallest one's birthday. Ehem.. Fathered? Did I use that word? I wouldn't call him a father because the only time he is home is when he is hosting a party. Other than that he is either in Nigeria or China or downtown at a bar or a club. I started wondering about this woman. Why would she have children with a man that doesn't deserve being called a man? Who doesn't contribute with anything what so ever other than his loud obnoxious voice? Lol, do you sense some bitterness here? No worries, I am not bitter at all. Just telling a story..
Moving on, he then had a third child. While this woman is straight out of labour coming home trying to get some rest he go pick the phone and start calling people - screaming. The guy is lacking anything resembling social antennas. We went to the baptism of the child and what does he do? He invites her Norwegian family and every Nigerian he can think of. He separates them and keeps the Nigerians in the kitchen and put 40 + bottles of hard liqour on the table. For a baptism. In broad daylight.
Anyway I am just rambling here sharing stories what I am trying to get at is the latest news on this guy (some news that really doesn't surprise me) He recently invited all his Nigerian friends here, whom also know his wife, to his wedding in Nigeria. You heard me. Wedding in Nigeria.
Not getting it? To a Nigerian woman. A second wife. In all secrecy. With 3 poor daughters here longing for his attention. God forbid evil thing.. And I am wondering what this woman here is really smokin not understanding that something wrong is up. My hubby said he wish he had pictures so he could give to the govt. here and give him what's coming...

This leads to me asking myself a question I guess I should just stop asking myself..
- Why do people lie these kind of grotesque, greedy, deceiving lies? Do they have no conscience, no shame?

I do believe everyone lies "small" lies all the time but who taught them to deceive people to such an extent without a single feeling like remorse?

I guess a lot of people aren't like me. Apparently. But what pisses me off about this is that they bring children into the equation. I didn't even mention that. How many people father children into a relationship completely loveless. They are everywhere. These children are the future of the world. And they will be what you want them to be. This goes out to all the women too. I see myself as quite an empathic person, able to put myself in other peoples shoes, but this one is beyond me. I realise a lot of men have some strange perception that if they have a child with a white woman, they have to have one with a black woman preferrably from their own country, but I think this is so backward. A child is a child, no matter what! A blessing that deserves your unconditional love. Some of these mothers are quite silly and actually think the guy is going to stay with them when they have a child, but the guys very oftn have dirty intentions from the get-go. When they get a child they can divorce the woman and still get their stay. I hate it when people use children as a mean to get to their selfish goals. They should be off-limits..
You think I am demanding too high standards? If so let it be.. It's time people demanded some higher standards so we can stop having all these unhappy kids around feeling unloved and unwanted going out prostituting themselves or committing crimes..
The only thing that comforts me is that I know karma works. What goes around comes around. One day that guy is going to see wahala. Big one. Lol.

Alright I promise next post I will be back to my old, positive self. Be sure to check out my other blog! I am also doing a thankful post I believe Aloted challenged me on.
Lots of love

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The day everything changed pt. 2

Hey guys.
I will be bringing more stories, and I figured typing them all up here would stop me from writing all the other stuff that I would like to on here. So, I have started a new blog for all my stories.
Yes everyone, it is a true one. So please, please people, go to my other blog and follow it. I need me some loyal readers, lol.

Click here to read the post: http://nosugarcoatin.blogspot.com/2009/05/day-everything-changed-pt-2.html

This is the link to my new blog http://nosugarcoatin.blogspot.com


A regular post will follow on this blog tomorrow! Appreciate all your comments on last post sooo much.

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Greed/The day everything changed - a split post

*Warning* this post is a little long!

I have a story for ya'll today. Enkay inspired me. I have not learnt the skill of compressing lots of information into few words yet, and I have so many things I want to blog about - so this post is going to be split in two. The first half a regular post, the second will contain the story. It's already written finished, but putting it all down in one post would be too much. So look out for part 2 next week Wednesday ok? Good.

Greed. There is so much of it in society today. There is so much greed in humans. It is a latent trait in most of us, actually. But so many people let it develop too far. My mother once told me when I was little, that greed is the greatest of all sins. Why? I will tell you some of my thoughts.
I am not a Bible expert - I will leave that the wonderul Jaycee, Rita and Writefreak. I wish I had a lot of quotes to put up but you're going to have to do with my talk instead :-)

LUST - When you lust, you are being greedy - you're not settling for what has already been given to you (e.g your wife, your husband, boyfriend or girlfriend) , or you are desiring and/or taking what does not belong to you (e.g rape). I won't elaborate, you get the drill.
GLUTTONY - Other people are hungry, and you want to eat more than you need? That's greed.
SLOTH - When you're being lazy and indifferent you are too greedy to appreciate your blessings. Between the lines that means on one hand you are not utilizing your true potential and in some cases still want more. Why sit on your ass when other people are working hard to make things better for themselves? Should other people do things for you? God blessed you for you to use your blessings for something.
WRATH - Can also be associated with greed. Anger is often caused by greed and leads to selfish acts. Anger can lead to the pursuit of vengeance. Vengeance can lead to putting other people in pain, committing violence or even murder. To me, all of these can be associated with greed. Greed is also associated with stealing. Not being generous enough to leave someone their peace or their life.
ENVY - If you are resenting the fact that someone has more than you to the point you would like to deprive them of it, you are being greedy. If you need other people to have less than you in order to feel successful, you are greedy.
PRIDE - If you are vain and narcissistic - acting like the world should revolve around you - you are being greedy. You are failing to recognize the beauty in others and perceive yourself as higher than them.

This is just an interpretation. I realise that GREED itself can be interpreted differently. If your definition of greed all about material greed then this won't make any sense. But to me, greed is the feeling of "nothing is ever enough". When wanting things to yourself and not wanting to share. When stealing from others to satisfy your desires. When you're not appreciating and valuing your blessings and other peoples blessings. The opposite of generosity.

Like I said, I think there is so much greed in society today. There is a glorification of over-spending, wasting, and throwing away. Getting the newest and throwing the old. Everyone wants to be rich. Everyone likes to flash their wealth and make it seem like it's all glittering gold without any dirt involved.
So many people have forgotten what our true priorities should be. So many people care only for themselves. We are not taking care of our beautiful planet either. Because of our lust to spend and sometimes lack of energy to educate ourselves.
If you have 10 000 dollars - why spend it on something you don't truly need? Why not spend it on something you REALLY need, or save it, or share it with people that need it way more than you?

I am saying all of this because I believe every individual is powerful enough to make a change. I know we have corrupt leaders around the world, and we feel powerless. But every one of us can change someones life by remembering to love and be grateful and generous. The person who gets blessed by your generosity will forever remember, and if we're extra lucky, pass it on to someone else. This is my preach for the day. I have lots to be thankful for too - but I don't want to make this post any longer than it's already going to be. Lol. Just know I'm thankful!

Now on to the story. The story is actually very much related to greed and it is a true one. I will leave it at that and reveal it's connection to the present in the last part, another day!

THE DAY EVERYTHING CHANGED...

He never knew who was to betray him. He never knew that generosity was a trait frowned upon by those he surrounded himself with. Let alone did he know the true agenda of those closest to him.

C was a handsome young man, a Nigerian working and living in Cameroon. He got married young and lived happily in his marriage to U. They looked like the perfect happy couple. The kind that finishes each others sentences and knows what the other one is thinking. She was beautiful, he was elegant. They both carried their afros and wore flare pants with platform shoes, enjoying the thriving newly independent Africa.
He had a successful, growing business, and kept on travelling back and forth between Nigeria and Cameroon, bringing goods. He had moved there at a young age with his mother to escape the Biafran war.
He brought U with him as soon as they got married. They had their first child in the late 70s, a beautiful baby girl. It didn’t take long till they had a baby boy, followed by two more boys a couple of years later, and then another baby girl.

As C grew more powerful in the community, he became a figure people looked up to. He became the generous person anyone could come to for help, for assistance or a place to sleep. C had taken in his younger brother, A, to stay with them, along with some other younger cousins A was just starting up his business and didn’t have much money to live by, so no other thing was logical for a big brother to do. C built a house in his village in Nigeria, along with the house they stayed at in Cameroon. He bought a motorcycle. He loved taking his oldest boy, B, for rides on that motorcycle. Letting his small hands hold the steering, listening to his giggles.

Their life as a family was blissful. He loved all his children, so the day his oldest daughter and firstborn got sick, he was heartbroken. They had no idea what her sickness was. The doctors tried everything. Nothing was to help her. It went so fast. She died at the tender age of 9.
Young B didn’t understand. His parents wouldn’t tell him what happened. He only knew his big sister was gone. He missed her. His family sister had moved in with them and started taking care of him. He had never seen his parents so troubled before.
After 6 months, things seemed to get back on the norm. They were back into the routines and his mother didn’t cry every day. Just sometimes...

One day, young B had just gotten home from playing football with the other boys on the beach. He was 6 years old. Being the oldest in the house, his mother was busy with his younger siblings. She asked him to help her ground some eguzi. After washing and shining his canvas, he got to it. He started humming a song, thinking about how delicious his mother’s soup would be, excited about dinner time. Suddenly he heard the sound of women’s screams outside. His mother ran out in the yard to see what all the fuss was about. She had a worrying look in her eyes. B ran after her to the door to see what was happening. One woman came running to his mother, grabbing her hands, crying, she said: “C got stabbed! Someone stabbed him! He is hurt in the chest and the abdomen! Oh God! Go to him! Go to him! They don’t know who did it!”B didn’t understand anything at all. He wanted to run to his mother, but one of the other women came to hold him back. He did not see her again that day.

Five days later

B had a lump in his throat ever since that day.
He had only been taken to see his father in the hospital once. All he knew is that his dad was really sick. He knew that for sure. He had never seen his mother that worried before. She couldn’t even talk to him. What was going on? Wasn't his father going to come back either, just like his older sister?
His family sister was taking care of him, and he was taking care of his little brothers. His mother had strictly told him to stay at home and be careful. A difficult thing for a young boy to do. He was so eager for his father to come home and for everything to go back to normal. So he could go out and play again. Go to the forest and build traps for the birds, only to release them again. Play football on the beach till sunset. His home was filled with peace and love, now there was only an atmosphere filled with uncertainty and dread hovering over them all.
He was sitting outside the house, carving on a piece of wood. He loved creating and building things. He saw two of the local women walking up towards the house. Their eyes were fixed on the ground, with a troubled wrinkle between their eyebrows. His heart dropped to his stomach. He knew something wasn’t right. His family sister came out to greet them, and made sure to stand far enough away from him so he couldn’t hear. It didn’t take long before she turned around with an even more troubled look on her face. “B…”

No.

He didn’t want to hear it.

He kept on carving on his piece of wood. “B..listen to me..” He kept on looking at his hand moving up and down, slicing thin pieces of wood off the log, heart throbbing. “B, your father is gone. We have to go to the hospital. Now."

______________________
If you bothered reading this far - Thank you! I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend. I appreciate each and single one of you. Feel powerful, because we are all powerful beyond measure. Sky's the limit.

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Birthday, big brother and weekly randomness

Hola folks of Blogville.
Took me a full week to get back. Not good.
Anyways, it was my birthday on Friday. Yep, the labour day. Always been awesome to have the day off every year. It was drama free (that's one check on last weeks to-do list). I was blessed with the best weather so far this year and for that I am grateful. It was quite uneventful, no party, no get-together, and no gifts except from my mom who gave me a 1 hour massage in a chinese place named Dragonfly. It was absolutely divine.
When we arrived, we were given silk slippers and silk robes and invited in behind the curtains.
I entered into a temple from ancient China! The floor was made as a bridge of huge rock tiles, on the sides they spread round shaped black stones and on top were lines of candles. In the centre of the "temple" was a huge pot with water running over on the sides into channels running to left and right. The walls had carved out rocks with images of flowers and Buddhas. It was completely quiet with subtle chinese music in the background. It was just great. I've gotten massages before, but this was on a whole other level. They put so much effort in the design and feeling of tranquility that it really made a huge difference.

My brother - not the one in jail - invited me out for lunch with his girlfriend on my birthday, the evening before the day. Me, always been the little sister looking for big brothers attention and recognition, couldn't say no. For those of you who've read my posts regarding my family from last year knows we have a troublesome relationship. He is my half brother, but I don't see him as that. I grew up with him in the same house. We're siblings! Most of the things I've gone through and seen in our home, he has too. We have a million things in common but still just can't get along. Not that we've ever had a fight since I was a tiny weeny lil girl, but he just does not care for me. I can count the times I've seen him for the past 7 years on two hands. I am 8 years younger than him, but my mother has always told me I am way more mature than him. I would agree. I have been through a lot more in my life than he has too. But all I've ever wanted was a big brother in him. He's never made an effort to be in touch, and whenever we do meet, he always talks to me with a condescending tone, making fun of nearly everything about me and my life with a stupid smirk on his face. This has lead to me feeling like a stupid, unworthy and annoying little sister whenever I'm around him. I KNOW I'm not, but he makes me feel that way. When I really needed his help a couple of years ago, when I was very young and he was already settled and I needed a place to stay, he completely rejected me.
See, my father has had a lot of issues - it's better now, but we had major problems and I couldn't stay at home. My glass was full the day he held me down and punched both sides of my jaw and sides of my face. I had had enough. I was hospitalized. I had a nervous break-down and they put me on anti-depressants. I had no place to go, and called my brother. Know what he said?

"I think you should just take your medicines. I don't have room for you. Stay in the hospital"

Yep. And a few years earlier, he had told me how I could come to him if there were any problems. He knew how my dad could be. There was no truth to that talk.
My brother seems to hate anything about me because I am the daughter of my father. Well, scratch "hate". Dislike. But I could have needed him plenty of times. Plenty.
Anyway - I am craving a relationship with him so badly I have been willing to put everything behind me for new beginnings. So - I thought his suggestion to take me to lunch was a great move and decided to trick my brain to forget everything from the past. Pretend he was a pleasant stranger I'd like to get to know. But the lunch was anything but nice. I tried talking about things concerning his life to get him to open up. You know, act interested? He did not ask a single question regarding me, my life or family, only talked about his apartments, trips, plans for new purchases etc. When I opened my mouth, he actually started texting his friends on his cellphone or even interrupted to talk to his girlfriend. I realised he had only invited me out to lunch because of GUILT. I have decided to turn him down next time he calls me. I will tell him: You know what, I would absolutely love to meet you. When you actually want to meet me. Not just to relieve yourself of your guilt. Ah!

Other bad news, my friend and her mother got cold feet AGAIN - so they will be moving back with Mr Sociopath. I got so upset. But all I can do is pray for her and her family.

Good news - we are travelling to Nigeria and I will book tickets today! Very happy about this.

Regarding my birthday, I would have liked to do a birthday post and was actually planning to, but I am feeling a bit short of words today. My resolution for my next birthday however is that I will have a little party. I deserve it. I haven't had one in almost 9 years or something. I want to feel the same birthday excitement I used to when I was little. I want to feel appreciated for one day. It'll be sweet!

I didn't manage to do everything on last weeks plan, but I had a drama-free birthday (inspite of the failed lunch), I filed my tax return, I kept in touch with friends, got the authorities to accept our travelling, slept nearly enough, stayed positive and kept myself somewhat updated on the blogosphere. Not bad!

New plan for the week (props to Blogoratti for this invention)
- Buy tickets for Nigeria
- Stretch every day as my physical therapist recommended
- Gym 2-3 times
- Healthy eating
- Positive thinking, no unnecessary addictive worrying, practice how to stress less
- Blogville
- Meet at least 1 friend
- Start reading a new book
- Apply for student loan
- Working on accepting the problems with my brother
- Try to get enough sleep

I wish everyone a blessed week. I am planning on more blogging this week than last, so come back with your comments, they make me so happy!

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